The latest issue of the New Yorker has an article by Malcolm Gladwell in which the author argues that it wasn’t a failure of the regulators to regulate that caused the crisis, and it wasn’t stupidity, it was the overconfident, too-cocky-for-their-own-good bankers who brought this thing to its knees. And speaking of cocks (actual and as a synonym for “asshole”), Gladwell identifies one banker in particular whose attitude, pre and post Apocalypse, is apparently emblematic of this particular brand of hubris– Jimmy Cayne. We already know that the stoner CEO, in a fit of rage over Tim Geithner opening the discount window after it was too late to save Bear’s trailer park of hemp, told William Cohan that TG was a glorified gay office clerk who “thinks he’s got a big dick,” and not an actual BSD like JC. He apparently also described at least one other so-called enemy in similar terms. This particular fellow was a man named Henry De Kwiatkowski, an investor who sued Bear Stearns in 1996 for negligence and a breach of fiduciary duty. A district court awarded De Kwiatkowski $164.5 million, but BSC appealed the ruling. The firm was ultimately successful, perhaps due to a baseless claim, or savvy lawyers, but here’s how JC’s drug addled brain remembers it going down:
“Their lead lawyer turned out to be about a 300-pound fag from Long Island…a really irritating guy who had cross-examined me and tried to kick the shit out of me in the lower court trial. Now when we walk into the courtroom for the appeal, they’re arguing another case and we have to wait until they’re finished. And I stopped this guy. I had to take a piss. I went into the bathroom to take a piss and came back and sat down. Then I see my blood enemy stand up and he’s going to the bathroom. So I wait till he passes and then I follow him in and it’s just he and I in the bathroom. And I said to him, ‘Today you’re going to get your ass kicked, big.’ He ran out of the room. He thought I might have wanted to start it right there and then.”
Gladwell could see Cayne giving this account prior to Bear biting the big one and it not being that big a deal but is totally beside himself over the notion that JC, after everything that’s happened, would have the audacity to be such an arrogant prick, in print no less. So it’s the ‘tude of people like Cayne, apparently, that got us into this mess this time and will get us into it again at some point in the future. True/false? And after you answer that, riddle me this: what is up with Jimmy Cayne describing every one of his opponents as a homosexual (not included in the piece: $2/share? “That Dimon prick’s some homo, I don’t care who’s polishing his knob.” Overcharging him for White Widow? “God damn fag dealers”)? And having keen interest in discussing their respective D’s, sometimes going as far as checking them out in the men’s room? And is it only a matter of time before his love letters with John Cheever are uncovered? And would any male ex-BSC’ers like to show us on the doll where JC touched you?
Bess we love you, but Monday hangovers are no excuse for letting an article involving Mexican coke sharks go uncommented on by noon. Front page of the journal, no less.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124804075279363265.html
Trish having twins? I knew Maria was just fat.
@1 can you shut the fuck up? we’re talking about my homophobia and the fact that it is a coping mechanism I employ to deal with my love of cock.
-JC
@2 fag
-j cayne
Cheever reference ftw. Minor in Lit Bess?
This entire piece screams for “Seinfeld Guy”~! But alas, you have stolen my thunder, Levin!
You know what I want….. I wanna talk to Samson
“When you masturbate with another guy in a hottub you assume nobody’s going to tell anybody!”
-JC
Bess, there’s a reason J-to-the-C liked his blunts big, long, and hard.
I wouldn’t have lost the first case, bitch.
-Gorilla
I’m a fag okay, is that what you wanted to hear? I’m a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand-ticket holding, friend of Dorthy, know what I’m saying?
-JC
@8 what’s gay about that?
-jc
Finance/business writers have done a horrific nightmare job covering this “crisis,” now we gotta socio-psychological whatever fro-head offering up his thoughts?
Great.
We have been getting screwed by the system. The system that forces us guys to like girls. Alright? We’re getting pushed into this. What if we just take the girls out of it? We can have our own system, it’s a counter-system. And then, you do things together, you swim, you row, you… boat, you eat, you stink. We can just be guys! You can have sex, you can do it, you know, many guys at a time, but it’s not gay.
-j cayne
@analyst- ok, but did JC offer you a tug down by the docks?
Any stoner with that much rage is definitely repressing something.
“Bear’s trailer park of hemp”
nice
Bess, re: “(not included in the piece: $2/share? “That Dimon prick’s some homo, I don’t care who’s polishing his knob.” Overcharging him for White Widow? “God damn fag dealers”),” I never said either of those things. But I was definitely thinking them, so you got me there.
-JC
Jimmy Cayne: You know Jimmy is pretty sweet on you.
Tim Geithner: [thinks Jimmy is another guy] Ah! He is?!
Jimmy: Oh yeah! Jimmy’s been watching you. You’re just Jimmy’s type.
Tim: Ahh! Really?
Jimmy: Jimmy’s new in town. Jimmy doesn’t really know anyone.
Tim: Oh! well I’d like to get to know him.
Jimmy: Jimmy would like to get to know you.
Jimmy Cayne: Here’s a confession: I’m in love with a man. What? I’m in love with a man… a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha.
I thought the blacks in Chicago were bad, but they’ve got nothing on the fags in San Francisco!
-jc
@everyone commenting here- fags.
-big jim
isn’t gladwell that douche that route the tipping point? fuck him them
Am I gay if I enjoy Big MW pounding me in the ass with a strap on while I eat a sandwich?
JD
It’s pretty clear that someone was lacing Cayne’s joints with enbalming fluid.
easy on the gaytorade bitches!
@19, way to get in another Seinfeld gem.
Can you blow me where the pampers is?
@27 does embalming fluid make you a closeted homosexual?
JC -> Best BJ on Wall Street
JC was never able to handle my girth. He screamed like a girl, but I don’t think that makes him gay.
Barney Frank
uGCLeT Really enjoyed this blog post.Much thanks again. Great.