Boys, I think we’ve finally found a program we can all feel good about funding: on-site man caves. Places for government workers to chill and just get high and shoot the shit and max and relax while gettin’ paid. Like these janitors in Albany, Louis Marciano and Gary Pivoda. They’ve received $23,738 and $4,732, respectively to light up while “working” since 2004.

The pair were suspended last week after state Inspector General Joseph Fisch’s office raided their alleged hangout on July 14. Their so-called “man cave,” situated inside the East Garage off Phillip Street, featured couches, a television and DVDs, a refrigerator, and rolling papers and scales to weigh marijuana, the IG’s office said in announcing suspensions of the men on Friday.
Fisch’s office alleged the men used the secret party lounge, located in a maintenance area, to sell drugs, get high and sleep while other janitors cleaned Pivoda’s section in the garage. The IG’s office said the janitor made pot deliveries in his OGS vehicle to electricians, plumbers and fellow state workers. He was charged with misdemeanor use of drug paraphernalia and unlawful possession of marijuana.

You see where I’m going with this, yeah? It could increase productivity, maybe, but more importantly it’d make working at places like government owned Bank of America and Citi, a little more fun. You know Ken Lewis would go for it– his office pretty much fits the above description already if you add some kegs, broken glass and piss in the corner– and Vikula could be easily convinced.
Man Cave Workers Got Overtime [Times Union via Daily Intel]

Only in the state that brought you La La Land would the fiscal math that was likely used to put California into a budget crisis be credited with solving it. When a $26 billion problem is solved with $15 billion in cuts and $11 billion in fuzzy math and aggressive rounding error, there are likely to be some problems down the road. If this is the standard for successful fiscal management in the Golden State, the next series of IOUs cannot be far behind.

By now you’ve likely heard the terrible news: Stephen Baldwin, pictured above in better times, has filed for bankruptcy. The bro of Alec owes $1.19 million on two mortgages and almost $1 million to the IRS on taxes as far back as 1999. Since the shilling for God thing really hasn’t panned out like Baldy thought it would, we’re looking at some pretty bleak scenarios. Alec’s not offering a bailout, who knows what Billy thinks of all this and what’s most upsetting is the fact that up until a few weeks ago, there actually was one guy Stephen could’ve called on to cover him with cash, just for the time being. Obviously I’m talking about the heroin dealer who was living in Baldy’s guest house, who was arrested on July 9. Now with the purveyor of smack locked up, who knows what’s gonna happen. Also, since we know this kind of stuff happens in threes, which reality TV/sports/meth addict star is next? L-Dykes, Baldwin, and who? I’m sure one of you pricks would just love to say Gary Busey but I’ll have you know The Buse keeps his finances in exemplary order and would never get into a situation like this.

Betcha thought we were dead, yeah? We are, mostly, just winding stuff down and whatnot, trying to get you back every penny we can after that, I’m just going to say it, asshat, Brian Hunter blew everything and ruined our lives. Here it is, enjoy it.

Q1-Q2 Investor Letter (2009).pdf

Well-rested after his efforts guiding Chrysler into bankruptcy, Bankruptcy Bob is ready for work at the very PE firm that bet he could lead them in a direction other than a government-orchestrated Chapter 11 filing. Cerberus was happy to announce that Nardelli is the new Chief Executive Officer of Cerberus Operating and Advisory Company LLC (“COAC”) and threw some high words of praise his way.

“Having worked with Bob over the past few years, both at Cerberus and while he was at Chrysler, we are excited to welcome him back to Cerberus,” said Mark Neporent, Chief Operating Officer of Cerberus. “Bob is one of the world’s best operating executives and a proven leader. We are pleased and fortunate that he has agreed to take the lead of our COAC team, and to become a member of the key committees through which we manage our business and our portfolio.”

If the pedigree of being lucky enough to find yourself at the helm of a housing-focused company (Home Depot) during a construction boom that everybody wishes never happened and subsequently driving another company into bankruptcy yields these results, there is still hope for an E. Stanley O’Neal comeback.

Specifically Robin Katz would like to “become a stockbroker at Oppenheimer or Carrington Fox,” but is willing to be flexible. Previous job experience includes working as a financial planner at JPMorgan Chase. As for references, those are going to be slightly difficult to procure, as Katz is kind of in a bad spot with her former employer, on account of creating an extra ATM card in one of her client’s names, and helping herself to like $100,000 or so, starting in 2008 (so over the course of a year, really not that much and the guy only noticed a month ago, prompting Big K to hightail it back to her family’s house for a medical emergency in California). Hobbies, as you can see, seemingly include baking, as well as “shopping and going out.” The Post, I think, I’m not sure, but I think is trying to suggest to us that Katz is something of a harlot (“…on her my space page, her interests include: “Politics: F– Bush. Sex: F– Me.” Several photos show her skydiving, playing in a zero-gravity simulator and posing alluringly in a tight, low-cut top with her hands behind her head.”) but that’s all hearsay and speculation. Anyway, if anyone’s interested, a signing bonus or advance could really be useful at this time, as Rob is currently held on $50,000 bail at Rikers Island.

White House tennis champion Larry Summers wants banks to remember that they have the “aura of government support” to thank for their success. While his boss was campaigning against GS deriving profits from taking risk, LS set the behavior litmus test by which the likes of Lloyd and Jamie Dimon will be measured against.

Prudent financial institutions will recognize that the profits they’re enjoying are in part a reflection of the commitment government and the broader society have made to the financial system that has enabled them to enjoy those profits

With GS and JPM having finally won the right to remove the government’s “aura of support” and operate shackle-free, one can only hope that the level of commitment to most of the government sponsored financial reform lasts as long as the tennis pro’s attention span.

Well now. It seems a website called CNBC Sucks has published a list guesstimating the bra sizes of the network’s on-air talent. Obviously this sort of speculation is crass and immature and just barely above the standards we uphold at this site. And yet– we cannot help but notice that Melissa Francis has not only acknowledged the existence of CNBCSucks.com but confirmed its suspicion that she is a “full C cup.”

Will her colleagues be as forthcoming? For reference, here are the estimates put forth. If you see anything that looks in accurate, speak up at this time. It seems that one clearly pops out as being a bit off:

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Personally I think “The San Pedro Beach Bums,” in which the governor had a one episode arc as “Muscleman,” could fetch more but not sure it’s on DVD and might be a bit too indie for the masses. The point is, if you’ve been considering finally buying a copy of Twins, or Junior, depending on your lifestyle, hold off a few weeks and you could be a hero to the state of California. This is not a drill– as part of its budget deal, the state, which got the idea from a random kid on Twitter, will be auctioning off signed items from Arnold’s personal collection. Of course, if he actually cared about California, Schwarzenegger would be pimping training sessions with himself to the highest bidder but he’s a serious politician now and that sort of thing is frowned upon.

Let’s not jump to conclusions. They could be getting raises, or they could be getting fired, or they could be receiving a crash course in how one should approach Ken Lewis when it’s 7AM and he needs to be dragged out of the biker bar, hosed off and sobered up before work, which is a task the newbies will be staffed with on a rotating basis.

Rumors of 10k raises for incoming BAC-ML analysts…HR asked all trainees to come in half an hour early today, and has split up the group according to geographic regions, fueling speculation that some groups won’t be getting the bump (apologies to anyone in equities/Dallas)…