This is not the way we wanted to end a summer Friday but so be it. It’s slit your wrists time in DC, people. I honestly don’t even know how Geithner’s team, clearly in need of some sort of release via comedic relief, can be expected to work anymore. I hope the Senator who put the kibosh on this realizes any progress we may have made getting out of this mess will now be compromised. The one glimmer of hope is that we’re told there might be the possibility of one of those street artists who does the caricatures of tourists coming in once a month, but it’s not the same and you know it.
The Treasury Department is scrapping plans to hire a cartoonist to lighten the mood of its employees who manage the nation’s $1.2 trillion debt, after a senator questioned its merits. The effort was canceled because it had become “more of a distraction than an opportunity,” an official said.
In a federal solicitation issued earlier this month, the bureau said it was looking for a contractor to conduct two, three-hour presentations for its employees on the benefits of humor in the workplace and the connection between humor and stress relief. The contractor would have to be able to “create cartoons on the spot” about jobs at the bureau, the solicitation stated.
Concrete artist T. Boone Pickens’ hedge funds are reportedly up 79% this year. While illusions of $200 oil are probably long gone, TBP is likely taking comfort that Exxon is doing its part to put a floor under the price of oil by reducing access to potential supply. The Texas General Land Office is accusing Exxon of “malicious” sabotage of oil wells on fields that it no longer wanted. To avoid giving other producers any opportunity to extract black gold from former Exxon grounds, the company apparently plugged its abandoned wells with a carefully balanced mixture of trash, sludge, explosives and cement plugs. But instead of an act of sabotage warranting a $1 billion fine, Exxon contends that it was on an environmental mission of mercy
“The allegations paint a false and misleading picture of Exxon Mobil’s involvement in the O’Connor oil and gas leases,” said Margaret Ross, an Exxon Mobil spokeswoman. “The area in which the wells are located has a water table very close to the surface. It was critical that Exxon protect the groundwater by plugging the wells solidly and thoroughly.”
Compared with paying close to $5 billion for offloading 11 million gallons of crude into Prince William Sound, threatening Exxon with raiding its petty cash jar for $1 billion for its unique environmental program seems downright punitive.
No doubt inspired, or more likely sickened, by yesterday’s food eating failure, an analyst at JPMorgan is endeavoring to prove there exists a financial services hack on Wall Street still able to complete a measly challenge without claiming his stomach lining is too sensitive to finish the damn thing. One of every item in the vending machine, unclear on the time limit (one was not specified to us, which we’re going to hope was an oversight). According to an onlooker, “I just smacked his belly and it sounded like a 55 gallon drum.”
DONE: Special K bar, Wheat Thins, Oreo Snack cookies, Pop Corn (unpopped), Lays Potato Chips, Kit Kat, Gold Roll Pretzels, M&Ms Peanuts, Doritos, Almond Joy, Cheetos, Sun Chips Cheddar, Frito Lays Original, Cheez-It, Gold Honey Wheat Braids, Fig Newtons, Oreo Cookies, Short Bread Cookies, Pop Tarts Strawberry, Famous Amos Chocolate Chips, Animal Crackers, Twizzlers, Snack Wells Crème Sandwich, Twix, Rice Krispy Treat.
LEFT:M&Ms, Starburst, Ruger Wafers Chocolate, Ruger Wafers Vanilla, Snickers, 3 Musketeers, Hershey Bar, Raisinets, Welch’s Fruit Snacks, Skittles.
We’ll keep you posted.
Update: “Two of those Ruger Waffers and five blue M&Ms to go.”
Update II: DONE. We’re now told it was a 4-hour time limit (so: really that hard?), with $1,000 at stake.
[via The Hill]
If Representative Patrick McHenry has his way. The Congressman from North Carolina (one of KL’s drinking buddies?) went on Fox Business to argue that this thing is not over until we get to hear from the then NY Fed chair, re “what he did, what his actions were,” and whether they entailed backing up Paulson’s threat (and/or making his own) or clutching his knees and crying while rocking back and forth on the floor of his office.
The duo dined together last night at Barbone, presumably choosing the East Village location to avoid attention and/or because of its proximity to Superdive, which Big D had been dying to check out (keg service? Yes please). Goldman Sachs declined to comment. Supposedly the meal was one of pleasure and not business. No word on who paid, or if anyone got lucky, though we do know that a couple of bottles of wine were consumed, upping the odds of something happening. At the very least we’re guessing a copping of feel in the cab.
Update, 12:35PM: CIT is the one that got lucky? What we’d thought was an intimate dinner for two sans shop talk seems like it was apparently an emergency Save CIT meal, based on the fact that Reuters is now reporting that JPM and GS are in talks for financing of $2-3 billion, and that Richard Cashin, JPM executive committee member and managing partner at One Equity Partners LLC, which “manages multi-billion dollar investments and commitments in direct private equity transactions for JP Morgan,” was there as well.
Update II, 3:20PM: Daily Intel reports what was on the menu: “Cuttlefish with English peas, tomato broth, and Serrano ham-infused olive oil, parpardelle with a beef short rib ragu, pan-seared scallops with lentils and carrot vinaigrette, veal meatballs with roasted peppers, and mozzarella with gremolata. They also had two bottles of wine, one of which was a 1990 Pergole, from Cashin’s private stash.”
The FT profiles Charlie Gasparino today, and while most of the anecdotes in the piece will be familiar to the Dealbreaker audience (the “What have you got” incident, this fight with Dennis Kneale, the time CG told Lance Armstrong to have a “shitty fucking dinner,” San Pietro, San Pietro, San Pietro, his dad was an iron worker, he and Felix Salmon aren’t on the best of terms, the biggest regret of his life was not participating in the Golden Gloves contest, and watching his sparring partner make it to the semi-finals was extremely painful) we do finally get an answer to a question that has plagued many of you. It hasn’t been an issue recently, but remember those (harrowing) occasions when CG would appear on-air with an extremely distracting glistening on his upper lip? Was it the residue of a glazed donut? Bad lighting? The combination of a few too many cocktails at Tropix and a busted AC unit? Now we know.
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In today’s episode of rewarding failure we have the resurgence of former SEC Chair Christopher Cox. The going sentence for falling asleep at the wheel and providing fertile ground for the greatest financial frauds in history is a partner position at law firm Bingham McCutcheon in the OC. Cox may not have impressed many during his stint as SEC babysitter but he managed to mesmerize Bingham chairman Jay Zimmerman.
“I sat down with him in D.C. and I thought, ‘This is an incredibly impressive guy. He’s very smart, he has a tremendous pedigree and he’s a real star in Orange County.’”
“There’s a mixed view of Chris’s tenure at the SEC,” Zimmerman said. “But when you look at his broader record, this is an exceptional talent. We’re in a talent business, and the opportunity to get him was extraordinary.”
Indeed there is a mixed view. Inmates Madoff and Stanford must have spoken very highly of Cox’s time standing guard in DC.
Our favorite southern Connecticut quant recently wrote an opinion piece about his thoughts on healthcare, with reference to, among others, Canadians (“parasitic hosers”), NASA (“twisted fascist bastards”), and Scandinavians (“twelve herring-eating homogenous people”), and had the foresight to include the following:
AQR’s legal department would like me to add that I am criminally insane and barred by an order of rhetoric protection from speaking on AQR’s behalf. Anyone trading on my advice, or a client, consultant, employee or Iraqi insurgent thinking he has been wronged by my attitudes or opinions can have a $250 out-of-court settlement right now if you’ll sign a waiver, otherwise we’ll break you. Oh, and we lied about the $250, but seriously, we will break you. Please note, nobody can predict where markets will go in the short-run and sometimes even the long-run. When I point out individual things in the marketplace that I think are strange, or wrong, it doesn’t mean I have the perfect answer or can easily make money from it for my clients, for myself, or certainly for you reading this essay! Furthermore, if you read one guy’s opinion and do anything based solely on that, you are an idiot. Next, as the legalese above alludes to, the actual funds and accounts AQR manages are run using models that may or may not agree with what I’m writing herein, particularly as our models will generally have a shorter time horizon than the things I’ll be writing about. Listen to me at your own risk.
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After the Obama administration’s first attempt to ease Chinese concerns about the safety of their US assets ended in laughter, the confidence campaign is back on again. This time the Beard wil make the case that US economic policy designed to ensure the long-term health of the country goes beyond collective prayer. With Chinese scrutiny of US policy increasing by the day, one can only imagine what the reaction will be if the voice of reason is replaced by somebody who wants to talk about how much of a kick ass tennis player he is in between naps.
9:24 The hold tunes have so far gone from elevator music to a recording of Ken Lewis’s son’s piano recital to the staff picks at the Sharper Image.
9:34 Ken Lewis in the hizzous. The past few quarters were bad. For the first quarter in a long time, though, we feel like we’re not afraid anymore. You hear that? I said I’m not afraid anymore!
9:37 Reading of the press release. For anyone planning on asking a question (Mayo) but not finalized on what it might be, consider wondering aloud if KL watched yesterday’s proceedings and if so, how he thought they went.
9:40 It’s gonna be way harder to make money in the second half of the year than the first, so manage your expectations of what this powerhouse will be able to do now.
9:41 I know it’s asking a lot, and you should do what feels right in your heart, but thinking about voting me, Ken Lewis, for Banker of the Year again.
9:49 Still reading of the press release. Merril Lynch and Countrywide are bright shining stars the true genius of which will be revealed at a later date.
9:51 Serious question: Did anyone else hear a train in the background?
9:57 If we had to pick one “surprise” that could really liven up this call, what would it be?
a) Some strange scuffling, the sound a mic being dropped, a “hey, what are you doing?” an empty bottle of Boone’s crashing to the ground, and a raspy voice coming on the line and announcing “This is Hank Paulson.”
b) Ken Lewis letting it slip that his next plan is to acquire Citi
c) Ken Lewis quitting
d) The sound a car peeling out of the parking lot and, ten minutes later, Ken Lewis, unaware he’s still mic’d, being asked to recite the alphabet backwards, walk in a straight line and being thrown up against the hood of a state trooper’s ride.
e) your call
Q&A
Meredith Whitney, Meredith Whitney Advisors: No mute problems this time, boys! Maybe I am a tech analyst. [Put on serious voice] How do you feel about subprime in California?
Ken Lewis: California is so big. Just huge. Not as big as Texas, but way bigger than NC. I wonder, how many Ken Lewises you would have to lay down, if you started at the top and went all the way to the bottom. I’m like 5 feet and 9 inches, something like that so…I don’t know how big is CA? Let’s get a numbers guy on this. Anyway, ’cause CA is so big it’s hard to talk about subprime there.
Mike Mayo, CLSA: Three questions comin’ at ya: severity, seasonality, unemployment (you say ten percent unemployment, I say eleven and a half percent).
Ken Lewis: Can you repeat the question?
Mike Mayo: No, go.
Ken Lewis: [missed most the answer but this was the big finish:] I don’t know if it’s as simple as saying ten is less than eleven percent, but it’s true.
And do think the Prez got in a little dig about how the “profit” was a charitable contribution from John Mack and the good people at Morgan Stanley?
U.S. President Barack Obama visited Citigroup headquarters in New York Thursday, Fox Business Network reported. The presidential limousine was at 399 Park Ave. around 6 p.m. EDT, and the building was on security lockdown, although Fox had no information about what Obama did during his visit.
