At some point over the weekend, Trader: The Documentary made its way on to YouTube, after it went out of circulation in the 90s and Paul Tudor Jones bought up all remaining copies. Those of you who listen to every damn word we have to say watched it yesterday, and probably got a kick out of PTJ’s vintage shades and pet turkey who Jones thought of as a dog. But it wasn’t just entertaining– it was educational. For the more observant ones in the bunch who were paying close attention, the flick was filled with tips on how to get a competitive edge that, when put to use, could make you a mult-billionaire one day, too. For example, start every trading session with a couple Buds. And also, prominently display pics of scantily clad/nude ladies in your domain. Whoever tickles your fancy should do just fine, though if you want to do it “just like PTJ,” someone please identify the lady above at this time. She looks familiar, but we’re having difficulty putting our finger on it, and Jones has yet to return calls for comment.
Archive for July 2009
To the dismay of several hedge funds and many private investors, the value of at least one failed institution is still zero. SRM Global and RAB Capital Plc, which own 11.5% and 8.2% of the outstanding shares of the charter member of the UK’s nationalized portfolio, Northern Rock, lost an appeal today to get a valuation that looks like something other than a bagel for their collective 82 million shares. The same savvy investors that refused to sell their shares as N-Rock’s stock plunged during the second half of 2007 now contend that, according to their valuation models, they deserve more than £4/share for the government funded rescue. RBS shareholders finally have a group of people that can make them feel good about themselves.
Are you among the happy 46 percent? What will you be doing to celebrate? Not as lucky? Feeling like you just threw away the last four to six months of your life? Want to get angry? Want to make someone pay? Let it out, here.
Earlier: Let’s Get Together And Have A Good Cry, Courtesy Of The CFA Institute
Congress Debates Onus For Goldman Bonus (NYP)
A bunch of Representatives wrote a letter to the Federal Reserve yesterday wondering why Goldman’s been allowed to take on more risk over the past few quarters. “The company and its employees have taken full advantage of its new government subsidies, and the retained ability to bet big,” Alan Grayson, Walter Jones, Ron Paul and Maxine Waters, who kept it cool for the most for the most part but got her freak on in the footnotes, asked.
Michael Lewis Dispels Several False And Insidious Rumors About Goldman (Bloomberg)
You don’t have to be bald to make it to the c-suite, they just prefer it that way.
Traders Blamed For Oil Spike (WSJ)
CFTC to issue a report next month pinning not one but several iotas of blame on speculators for wild swings in prices.
High-Frequency Traders Say Speed Works to Everyone’s Advantage (Bloomberg)
Ya hear that Chuck Schumer?
US Issues New Rules On Short-Selling (WSJ)
Also, Mary Schapiro is looking fantabulous in her new headcut, which takes about 15-20 years off the girl.
Kerviel Lawyer Says Societe Generale Managers Knew About Trading Positions (Bloomberg)
‘member this guy? Jerome’s lawyer said today that he can count at least 300 people who knew exactly what his client was up to. “In 2007, he was making money and they let him go on,” Olivier Metzner said. “In 2008, it all went bad, the machine was exposed, they unwound the positions in a panic and they created losses.”
What Citigroup Should Say To Us, Its New Shareholders (BV)
Contrary to popular belief, Vikram Pandit does not have to ask Tim Geithner for permission every time he wants to take a leak. I don’t know where you got that from but it’s just not true.
BofA Plans To Cut 10% Of Branches (WSJ)
Ken Lewis discussed the plans during a meeting with investors last Thursday. Liam McGee, president of Bank of America’s consumer and small-business bank, also said branch closures are in the works but refused offer any specifics.
Diamond company LifeGem turning lock of Michael Jackson’s hair into jewels (NYDN)
Yes: “Founder Dean VandenBiesen said his company will extract carbon from the King of Pop’s hair and turn it into crystals, which can be refined into diamonds.”
$$$ IRS agents tailing UBS banker visits. What, like there’s something wrong with that? [NYP]
$$$ Attention budding white collar criminals: Canada is the place you want to be. [CBC]
$$$ FINRA: Sucks at managing money, great at investor letters:
While returns from FINRA’s investments were quite positive for the four years prior to 2008, the losses incurred in 2008 erased almost all of those gains. [Reuters]
$$$ Killing it in China [Dealbook]
$$$ It’s already been widely reported that Tim Geither couldn’t sell his house and is now renting it out, so what TG would like to know is why some pissant feels the need to ask “what will happen if he can’t find a tenant next time around?” Does he really need this now? [ABC]
$$$Harry Markopolos was recently named CFE of the Year by the Association of Certified Fraud Examiners at the group’s annual Fraud Conference in Vegas. Naturally Marks was expected to give a speech, which would one might expect to strike some serious notes, given the subject matter, but still remain fairly light. You always want to throw in a few jokes when accepting an award, you know? So what sort of humor do think you’d get from a financial fraud investigator? Borscht Belt? Morbid? Scatological? [Going Concern]
$$$ Ron Insana On High Frequency Trading [ZH]
Timmy G scored a small victory today by not being openly laughed at by the Chinese when he declared, “”We are committed to taking measures to maintaining greater personal saving and to reducing the federal deficit to a sustainable level by 2013″. To their credit, the Obama administration is being very forthcoming about the game plan to “sustainable” deficit levels by saying, “As Americans save more and Chinese are able to spend more, we can put growth on a more sustainable foundation”.
However, what may be lost in translation for the Chinese is that our blueprint to health is to tag the collective 1,3 billion of them as ‘it’ in the game of which nation will allow its citizens to become punch drunk with leverage and spend outside their means. No doubt China will get a harsh lesson in American euphemisms as they digest the true meaning of TG’s statement that, “the crisis has also highlighted the need for a different global growth path going forward”.
You try and send 14 pounds of weed in the mail and what happens? The bastards at FedEx stick their noses where they don’t belong and rat you out to the cops. You’d think that they wouldn’t be too good for any sort of business, be it drug-related or otherwise but apparently you’d think wrong. For future reference, move your shit with UPS, which will collect a finder’s fee but get the job done without calling attention.
In an interesting twist on curbing complex products that the average investor does not have a prayer of understanding, BlackRock is answering the Obama administration’s call for offering the general public the opportunity to invest in RMBS and CMBS. The BlackRock Legacy Securities Public-Private Trust will give investors who believe that only Wall St. can benefit from bailout-related programs the chance to show off their mastery of distressed mortgage markets by paying BlackRock their usual fees to play alongside the big boys. Potential RMBS and CMBS investors should rest easy knowing that the fund will limit its distressed appetite to securities that were rated AAA by at least two agencies prior to the start of this year.
As you’re aware, one of the benefits of a financial crisis like the one we’re in now is that it’s designed to extinguish, or severely curb, the amount of self-important douchebags in your direct line of vision. Unfortunately, the mechanism of change doesn’t work quite as well in the Hamptons, where mostly everyone S’s D, save for some of the very special residents Further Lane. Now, those who have “survived” the recession (*on their own terms or on the generosity of others, the example below presumably being the latter) to make it out for another season are congratulating themselves for the accomplishment, and also asking for someone to casually walk by and drop a hand-grenade on where they’ve been hanging, wiping out all the “certain kinds of people” assembled in one fell swoop.
“Whatever you want to say about the economy, the fact is, it’s more selective in the Hamptons this summer,” says one young lady at Day & Night who asked to be named. “It’s only a certain kind of person coming out here now, and honestly, that is the kind of person I want to be around.”
Seasons Tidings [NYP via Daily Intel]
Apparently a “large number of JPM senior macro prop traders” have just left the House of Dimon. No word, yet, on where they’re headed or how JD took it.
Update: Supposedly the defectors are BarCap bound.
It seems the Warren Buffet was doing a lot more than just taking in $650k for a lunch meeting during 2007; he was feeling out unknowing candidates to take the other side of his trades. Two years ago, Mohnish Pabrai, Managing Partner of Pabrai Investment Funds, shelled out around $10,000/minute to thank Buffet personally for his publicly disseminated investing advice. Some of the pearls of wisdom that the Oracle imparted on the fund manager were the benefits of keeping an empty calendar, not scheduling any meetings, ditching the Blackberry, losing the email account and attempting to maintain a general state of information blackout. These helpful hints paid impressive dividends in 2008 when Pabrai’s fund finished the year down 60%.
The fun begins immediately after the jump
