The above spread of cured meats and cheese was placed in front of a Barclays trader in a test of gastrointestinal fortitude this afternoon. 90 minute time limit, water allowed, puking a dealbreaker. He got halfway through and is now in the bathroom throwing it up. According to an on-looker, “apparently the cheeses were particularly aromatic and the whole thing smelled like vomit before he even started.”
Archive for July 2009
Not so great news for the Queen’s bitches:
Numbers out today for Global Banking and Markets. All bonuses are 100% deferred- over 3 years, subject to clawbacks. Terms still not defined.
Bonus Ranges:
1st year: $40k-$50k
2nd year: $50k-$60k
3rd year: $60k- $70k
If LB thought last week’s dinner at Barbone was going to be the start of a standing Thursday night date with Jamie Dimon, girlfriend thought wrong. While the Goldman Sachs CEO spent last night washing his hair, JD was wining and dining with Melissa Francis (and JPMorgan vice-chairman Jimmy Lee) at Rao’s. Was it as special as the ex-TARP babies’ time together? Hard to say. Things did start out a bit rocky, on account of the restaurant being unable to fill J to the D’s Tanqueray martini order (they were out of gin,* and, for reasons lost on us, no one thought to move their ass to a liquor store in what would’ve been not that much of an effort to keep our favorite boy-toy CEO happy), but drastically improved after several bottles of red were consumed. I don’t want to upset Li’l Blanks too much, but it was a pretty late night, with everyone leaving sufficiently hammered. Want to get a competitive edge? A suggestion: start filling out your bra.
Earlier: Jamie Dimon Beating Men, Women and Presidents Off With A Stick
*The picture is not from last night/Rao’s, but another restaurant, where management has its shit together.
The question is why, since it kind of makes them sound insane (or at least seriously lacking in judgment) when in fact their boss is the shady motherfucker but we’ll get to that in a sec. At left, Danielle Pecile and Cristina Culicea, former assistants at the Titan Capital Group. They’re suing boss their boss, Russell Abrams, who asked Danielle to print out some photos he took of his wife, Sandra, on their honeymoon. Sandra is posing on yacht in the pics, with her rack on full display, which apparently made Danielle uncomfortable, as did the smirk Abrams gave his underling as she handed pics over, and when he asked “You liked them, didn’t you?”
Oh no she di’int.
You can add ‘World’s Largest Jigsaw Puzzle Creator’ to the list of Allen Stanford’s accomplishments. Federal prosecutors have indicated that they will be reassembling three bags of shredded documents over the next two months as they continue with their case against Sir Allen and banking regulators in Antigua. Potentially sensing that this arts & crafts exercise is going to spell financial doom for tiny Caribbean nation, Antigua has apparently already conceded that American colonization is inevitable and is currently planning on renaming their highest peak Mount Obama next month.
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
The noted hooker fucker told Ratigan this morning he’s had “enough of this.”
Sorry for the all-caps but guess what I’m not sorry because this is the one we’ve been waiting for. In an interview with Dan Patrick, L-Dykes says that after turning down twenty offers, he’s finally decided to follow in the footsteps of the greats (The Buse, Stephen Baldwin, Haim and Feldman) and give us what we want: an all-access pass to Lenny town. What will the show be about? “Reality,” Nails says. “Life man. Living the dream.” Later, Nails claims that he and Jim Cramer are still tight, and that JC is really broken up about what happened, which strikes us as a crock since he’s yet to turn Mad Money into a Save Nails telethon, which is what a true friend would do. Also:
- “I still have the jet” (despite evidence the contrary– the private plane was taken away in February– we pray to the god of brain damaged all-stars this is true, as you know how LD feels about flying commercial)
- “If I have to live in the street I would”
- “If I have to eat grass I will”
- “Thousands of people still invest with me” (and every tip he’s dispensed has “worked out”)
- “I only sleep twice a week. You caught me on my sleep day.”
Take ten and listen to the whole thing now, or take the rest of the day and play it on loop. I don’t have to tell you it will not disappoint.
From Magic Johnson.
Please someone send us a clip of T. Geith nodding vigorously, while making a mental note to have his assistant find out if this means he’s gotta wrap it up when whipping it out in the presence of questionable fucks.
Being in charge of the agency that deals with failed financial ideas and business models, SheBair can probably spot a disaster waiting to happen pretty easily. In response to the forthcoming CFPA rallies next month (hopefully including one outside of 85 Broad), the FDIC Chairwoman is already trying to limit the powers of an agency that has yet to be created, Undoubtedly terrified by the vociferous support for the CFPA from you-know-who, SheBair is recommending that the agency be put on permanent back-up duty and leave the matter of consumer protection to bank regulators. Congratulations Maxine- the prospect of having a piece of banking legislation that you staunchly support pass may have actually scared bank regulators into waking up and protecting the financial system.
You can lock him up, you can call him a perv, you can accuse him of having a 15 year-old sex slave and a trannie lover, and possibly running a Ponzi scheme, but god damn it, you cannot make Jeffrey Epstein smile in way that doesn’t scream “any underage chicas lookin’ for a good time???” even if it’s for the flyer that will follow him around for life and inform new neighbors that yes, you are in the presence of a sex offender. It is his right and you will not take that from him.
Jeffrey Epstein’s Predator Flyer [Cityfile]
Just because he and his firm are being investigated for some possible wrongdoing doesn’t mean you shouldn’t fork over a briefcase of unmarked twenties, ASAP. Interested but need to know more re: what kind of returns you could expect? Performance history for the NIR Group’s AJW Qualified Partners below, plus the obvious value-added of having a guy whose background includes working at a firm called “The Rainmaker Group LLC” overseeing your cash.
May AJW Partners Share Class B 06.22.09-1.pdf
