The Journal talked to prison expert Steven Oberfest, a partner with PrisonCoach.com, yesterday about what Bernie Madoff's time behind bars will be like. Not good, according to Stevie-boy, who says he doesn't see the noted Ponzier "functioning well there." What Oberfest is most worried about is the fact that unlike less famous criminals, everybody on the inside knows who Bernie is, what he's done, and intimate details about his life and his family, thanks to many, many media reports. Particularly troublesome to Steve-O is that Berns's wife has been written about almost as much as her husband, and the fact that she is one hot piece of ass.
"I'm concerned for Madoff. There is so much info about his wife. His wife's name. His kids. All this stuff is out there. When you are in there and around a group of people, they will say things like, 'Hey, I hear Ruth is a real hot babe.' Things like that," he said. "It's like a big poker game. He's walking in with his cards showing and everyone else is holding their cards. He definitely goes in with a disadvantage."
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 11:52AM
Bernie, who gives better blow jobs, you or Ruth? Let's find out.
-Prison inmate.
Posted by NakedShort , Jul 15, 2009 11:53AM
Hey Madoff. Ruths tits are so small she has to use the hand bridge.
-Inmate No. 61305-059
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 11:55AM
"hot piece of a$$," really?
I guess when you're in lockup even Sotomayor's face could be whacked off to.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 11:55AM
Man, Ruth's bush was so out of control, I had to flip her over and pound her in the ass.
-Bernie's cell mate
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 11:55AM
A man with Bernie's body need not worry about making friends in prison. I have a feeling the inmates will find his man tit's endearing.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 11:56AM
Hey Bernie, lets play a game. Its called you be Ruthy and I will be you. Bend over and take my 18inches of freedom.
Moosecock Jones
Inmate # XXX
Posted by AndrewInGreenwich , Jul 15, 2009 11:57AM
Hey, I hear Ruth is a real hot babe.
-Hardened criminal
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:01PM
Bernie Madoff is in prison.
Posted by EvilBuzzard , Jul 15, 2009 12:02PM
@5 - And they won't even need the handbridge. Bonus!
Posted by EvilBuzzard , Jul 15, 2009 12:04PM
"Hey Bernie, That neighbor of yours that visited last week had hair in his teeth. It came from mowing Ruthie's lawn while you were in the joint."
Bernie's Butt-Dad
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:05PM
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
-BM
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:05PM
Hey guys ;)
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 15, 2009 12:06PM
Over/under on # of days till Bernie's at the prison doc with a torn redeye
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:08PM
Bernie, tell Ruthie to stop wearing lipstick to visitation. She's leaving a red ring on my cock.
-Inmate in the next cell over.
Posted by merkin capital partners , Jul 15, 2009 12:09PM
Rumor has it cell block D loves a wrinkled starfish.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:12PM
She has to have a huge beaver, right?
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:14PM
BM,
Jelly or syrup?
Gonna make it clap.
-An imprisoned drug mule of the MCS
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:15PM
We need a GS employee to print out these comments and mail them over to Bernie's prison home in a GS envelope.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:15PM
I would Ruth Madoff on the beach.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:17PM
Toothy Ruthy - gimmesomeadat!
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:19PM
I want to make some sex with your wife now.
Shafeef
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:20PM
Meep, meep, meep, Ruth, meep, meep, meep
-Jailhouse gimp
Posted by Seaman Bodine II , Jul 15, 2009 12:31PM
I can't wait for Nina Hartley and Ron Jeremey to make the XXX blockbuster, Made Off.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:31PM
We should make Ruth bang the Knicks on video and it should play on a tv Hannible style all day in front of his cell.
An SEC agent once tried to test me. So I ate some duck liver with fava beans and an expensive chianti.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:33PM
@11
Words? No. Sodomy by broom handle? Yes.
-W. Noel
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:34PM
@analyst,
i'd take pretty much forever as the over.
regardless of the humor or revenge value of the situation, what warden and/or head screw would gamble their careers on letting their biggest celebrity inmate take one up the pooper?
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:34PM
Bernie's cellmate, Tiny, "suggests" they play a game called house. Tiny asks Bernie, "who do you want to be, the husband or the wife?" Bernie, cunningly, replies, "the husband." At which point, Tiny says ...
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:36PM
Weekend in Bernie
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:39PM
23- aren't nina and Ron in a home for aging porn stars by now?
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:41PM
@ 11. Au contraire, it is bones that will hurt you.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:49PM
I'm thinking that despite the statistics jailassrape is an underreported crime, for a variety of reasons. I expect Berns to take it with an ironic smile. He knows it's worth it.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:51PM
That picture is starting to grow on me. I wonder if she still has that 70's era bush, or if she is freshly shorn shorn.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:55PM
All this talk of asses and rape has made this rogue horny!
Mr Thain
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 12:55PM
"Hey Madoff - next time toothie visits, tell her I want my watch back"
Prisoner # 08-696969
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 1:04PM
Comment removed by moderator.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 1:19PM
@35
1. Turn on oven
2. Remove Stars and Bars trucker cap
3. Place head in oven
4. Wait for neighbors to complain about odor wafting from your double-wide
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 1:25PM
@35 wow, "thug" is a little harsh eh?
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 1:27PM
36 I think its more likely that 35 is either himself or close to a victim. Doubt therefore that he has a S&B cap.
On a separate note. Why all this a$$ rape talk. Not that I've been there, but doubt that anyone's gonna find Berns attractive enough to even consider same.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 1:27PM
@Bess, if you are looking to moderate today @35 is a nice candidate for removal.
Love,
Guest
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 1:27PM
plunger missing
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 1:29PM
plunger missing
-Justin Volpe
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 1:35PM
35 is gone? A few ethnic slurs, which is standard. The degree of anger though was borderline. I'm thinking err on the safe side.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 1:36PM
I think any comment asking for moderation should be moderated. Sack up, pussy @39.
Love and kisses,
everyone
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 1:37PM
@42 thanks for the analysis.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 1:42PM
@36 FTW.... @35 do everyone a favor and kill yourself. Life isn't worth living anyways when you pour your life savings into a ponzi scheme.
Also Ruth, if you need work, I hear Spitzer is hiring. Pay is suppose to be solid
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 1:44PM
AT 12- What is with you and your " Hey Guys" posts? There really annoying. Are you that bored or something?
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 1:47PM
@7 Nice.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 1:56PM
@7 That was tight, kid.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 2:25PM
i missed it- what did @35 say?
I was showing ruth around her new neighborhood on 125th and Malcome X blvd
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 2:27PM
'Hey, I hear Ruth is a real hot babe.'
If your definition of "hot babe" is "withered old crone."
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 2:35PM
I asked Bernie if he ever went down on his wife. He said yes. So I started fuking his mouth; we all need to use a middle man at least once in our life.
SPODE
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 3:18PM
@49 - it was a long rambaling comment, first about the religion of Bernie's mother, then the wish for his rear orifice to be penetrated by the male reproductive organ of a man who's mother was a descendence of the ensalved people of West Africa.
Posted by NotNasser , Jul 15, 2009 3:24PM
#50. Tomay-to, Tomah-to.
Posted by guest , Jul 15, 2009 4:10PM
Wow...I hope Bernie was an avid DB reader...this place has to be way more abusive than prison.
Posted by guest , Jul 16, 2009 12:13PM
Hey guys
Posted by StillNoCouch , Jul 16, 2009 10:53PM
All these educated, professional readers ...
... and the witty banter from the commentards who think they're funny.
... Geezus
I'll be getting my coat now ... (it's the one without the pink-slip in the pocket).