The Journal talked to prison expert Steven Oberfest, a partner with PrisonCoach.com, yesterday about what Bernie Madoff’s time behind bars will be like. Not good, according to Stevie-boy, who says he doesn’t see the noted Ponzier “functioning well there.” What Oberfest is most worried about is the fact that unlike less famous criminals, everybody on the inside knows who Bernie is, what he’s done, and intimate details about his life and his family, thanks to many, many media reports. Particularly troublesome to Steve-O is that Berns’s wife has been written about almost as much as her husband, and the fact that she is one hot piece of ass.
“I’m concerned for Madoff. There is so much info about his wife. His wife’s name. His kids. All this stuff is out there. When you are in there and around a group of people, they will say things like, ‘Hey, I hear Ruth is a real hot babe.’ Things like that,” he said. “It’s like a big poker game. He’s walking in with his cards showing and everyone else is holding their cards. He definitely goes in with a disadvantage.”
Bernie, who gives better blow jobs, you or Ruth? Let’s find out.
-Prison inmate.
Hey Madoff. Ruths tits are so small she has to use the hand bridge.
-Inmate No. 61305-059
“hot piece of a$$,” really?
I guess when you’re in lockup even Sotomayor’s face could be whacked off to.
Man, Ruth’s bush was so out of control, I had to flip her over and pound her in the ass.
-Bernie’s cell mate
A man with Bernie’s body need not worry about making friends in prison. I have a feeling the inmates will find his man tit’s endearing.
Hey Bernie, lets play a game. Its called you be Ruthy and I will be you. Bend over and take my 18inches of freedom.
Moosecock Jones
Inmate # XXX
Hey, I hear Ruth is a real hot babe.
-Hardened criminal
Bernie Madoff is in prison.
@5 – And they won’t even need the handbridge. Bonus!
“Hey Bernie, That neighbor of yours that visited last week had hair in his teeth. It came from mowing Ruthie’s lawn while you were in the joint.”
Bernie’s Butt-Dad
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
-BM
Hey guys ;)
Over/under on # of days till Bernie’s at the prison doc with a torn redeye
Bernie, tell Ruthie to stop wearing lipstick to visitation. She’s leaving a red ring on my cock.
-Inmate in the next cell over.
Rumor has it cell block D loves a wrinkled starfish.
She has to have a huge beaver, right?
BM,
Jelly or syrup?
Gonna make it clap.
-An imprisoned drug mule of the MCS
We need a GS employee to print out these comments and mail them over to Bernie’s prison home in a GS envelope.
I would Ruth Madoff on the beach.
Toothy Ruthy – gimmesomeadat!
I want to make some sex with your wife now.
Shafeef
Meep, meep, meep, Ruth, meep, meep, meep
-Jailhouse gimp
I can’t wait for Nina Hartley and Ron Jeremey to make the XXX blockbuster, Made Off.
We should make Ruth bang the Knicks on video and it should play on a tv Hannible style all day in front of his cell.
An SEC agent once tried to test me. So I ate some duck liver with fava beans and an expensive chianti.
@11
Words? No. Sodomy by broom handle? Yes.
-W. Noel
@analyst,
i’d take pretty much forever as the over.
regardless of the humor or revenge value of the situation, what warden and/or head screw would gamble their careers on letting their biggest celebrity inmate take one up the pooper?
Bernie’s cellmate, Tiny, “suggests” they play a game called house. Tiny asks Bernie, “who do you want to be, the husband or the wife?” Bernie, cunningly, replies, “the husband.” At which point, Tiny says …
Weekend in Bernie
23- aren’t nina and Ron in a home for aging porn stars by now?
@ 11. Au contraire, it is bones that will hurt you.
I’m thinking that despite the statistics jailassrape is an underreported crime, for a variety of reasons. I expect Berns to take it with an ironic smile. He knows it’s worth it.
That picture is starting to grow on me. I wonder if she still has that 70’s era bush, or if she is freshly shorn shorn.
All this talk of asses and rape has made this rogue horny!
Mr Thain
“Hey Madoff – next time toothie visits, tell her I want my watch back”
Prisoner # 08-696969
Comment removed by moderator.
@35
1. Turn on oven
2. Remove Stars and Bars trucker cap
3. Place head in oven
4. Wait for neighbors to complain about odor wafting from your double-wide
@35 wow, “thug” is a little harsh eh?
@Bess, if you are looking to moderate today @35 is a nice candidate for removal.
Love,
Guest
plunger missing
plunger missing
-Justin Volpe
35 is gone? A few ethnic slurs, which is standard. The degree of anger though was borderline. I’m thinking err on the safe side.
I think any comment asking for moderation should be moderated. Sack up, pussy @39.
Love and kisses,
everyone
@42 thanks for the analysis.
@36 FTW…. @35 do everyone a favor and kill yourself. Life isn’t worth living anyways when you pour your life savings into a ponzi scheme.
Also Ruth, if you need work, I hear Spitzer is hiring. Pay is suppose to be solid
AT 12- What is with you and your ” Hey Guys” posts? There really annoying. Are you that bored or something?
@7 Nice.
@7 That was tight, kid.
i missed it- what did @35 say?
I was showing ruth around her new neighborhood on 125th and Malcome X blvd
‘Hey, I hear Ruth is a real hot babe.’
If your definition of “hot babe” is “withered old crone.”
I asked Bernie if he ever went down on his wife. He said yes. So I started fuking his mouth; we all need to use a middle man at least once in our life.
SPODE
@49 – it was a long rambaling comment, first about the religion of Bernie’s mother, then the wish for his rear orifice to be penetrated by the male reproductive organ of a man who’s mother was a descendence of the ensalved people of West Africa.
#50. Tomay-to, Tomah-to.
Wow…I hope Bernie was an avid DB reader…this place has to be way more abusive than prison.
Hey guys
All these educated, professional readers …
… and the witty banter from the commentards who think they’re funny.
… Geezus
I’ll be getting my coat now … (it’s the one without the pink-slip in the pocket).