DB is hearing that an intern in the Natural Resources IB Group at JPM, having likely pulled consecutive all-nighters to complete a "Homework Project" that was in addition to the intern's daily duties, collapsed into a seizure last week. We hope the intern in question is OK and are awaiting further details.
Update I: The intern is reportedly OK and has provided a good excuse for the House of Dimon to launch another investigation into the general work/life balance of summer neophytes. JPM will look to improve on their prior upgrades which included adding more healthy snacks in the vending machines- which were later removed because they posed a fire hazard.
Update II: The intern had apparently been working for 3 days straight before the convulsions began. Those not seizing were given last weekend off in light of their fallen comrade.
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 5:32PM
Natural Resources? What wimps!
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 5:37PM
Natural resources? WTF?
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 5:39PM
What reasonable college kid wants to work this hard during the summer? Espicially given the future pay regulations and crap reputation bankers are going to have to deal with in the future?
Gravy train is long gone. Go get laid this summer Poindexter.
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 5:52PM
worst part is, he wont even get an offer out of it
PS, UBS SUCKS!!
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 5:54PM
Did the homework project include cocaine and/or other natural resources?
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 5:59PM
@5
He used his Seamless allowance to buy $25 worth of salt packets.
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 6:04PM
@6
It's $20 worth of salt packets now. But the restaurant comped some Sweet N Low.
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 6:08PM
@3
Gravy train is not over, dumbass. Are you even in finance?
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 6:13PM
2nd @8
Posted by HAM05 , Jul 28, 2009 6:20PM
models & bottles:2007 | seizures:2009
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 7:06PM
8 - No, but I am a big wheel down at the cracker factory.
-3
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 7:07PM
Gravy train is not over, that is for sure. Analyst bonuses = better than expected this summer for sure.
Seizures for a $50K check in 2 years? Worth it.
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 7:16PM
$50K? woah sign me up that is BALLER money!
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 7:20PM
$50k is nowhere near enough to compensate for sleep-deprivation seizures
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 7:35PM
@13 LOL!
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 7:50PM
How do I know if I am making baller money?
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 7:52PM
@4
Why would he not get an offer? JPM is kicking ass this year.
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 7:55PM
former analyst in JPM NR here, confirmed true story
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 7:59PM
This was a good post Greg. Keep it up. Or not.
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 8:02PM
He had a seizure because I have been sprinkling viagra into his coffee for the past 3 weeks.
Guy in the next cubicle
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 8:27PM
50K for 100 hours?? That's why smart people become traders and dumb people become bankers
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 8:47PM
@21 It hurts b/c it's true
-ex-banker
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 8:59PM
Friend at JPM said intern had a seizure but wasn't bc of all nighters. Epileptic or something else. Kind of messed up.
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 9:10PM
Seizures are the new killing it
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 10:15PM
9 out of 10 of you wont make it to MD
Famous quote on 1st day of Big Bulge Assoc program in '91
Enjoy the crumbs
Posted by guest , Jul 28, 2009 11:25PM
@25...I think the odds of making MD are probably worse than 9 out of 10, but the dumbshit MD who said that was probably just keeping things at a "30,000 foot level" because he was too stupid to do the real math.
Posted by guest , Jul 29, 2009 12:02AM
I prefer "directionally right" to "30,000 foot level"... It makes them sound like they know what they're talking about while still covering their asses.
Posted by guest , Jul 29, 2009 12:31AM
If I have seizures, still call the help desk in order to find the hidden page, and use my mouse to exit a window...am I worth 50K?
-Lost in the Abyss
Posted by guest , Jul 29, 2009 3:53AM
@19 shut your filthy whore mouth
Posted by guest , Jul 29, 2009 8:14AM
The JPM summer interns sitting in Section 502 row 2 at last night's Mets game certainly have no worries about seizures. There was no work being done there, unless detaching their lips from the VP's dick counts as work.
Posted by guest , Jul 29, 2009 8:18AM
@30 you sound a little bitter
Posted by guest , Jul 29, 2009 8:24AM
In this job market for fresh grads (9% unemployment), a 1 out of 10 chance of getting to a 2+ mil per year package after a 12 year slog and decent money by non-finance standards (300k+) after about 6 years
what else are they going to do? Law school?
Posted by guest , Jul 29, 2009 8:26AM
wow some interns went to a night ballgame...fascinating
Posted by guest , Jul 29, 2009 8:34AM
@33 was also wondering why @30 felt the need to share that with us.
Posted by merkin capital partners , Jul 29, 2009 9:02AM
Now they call him Sponge Bob, which isn't helping.
Posted by guest , Jul 29, 2009 9:09AM
Wait, JPM is having interns do research? In consulting, we wouldn't let the interns so much as touch the work papers . . .
Posted by guest , Jul 29, 2009 10:11AM
Nearly killing yourself is the new killing it.
Posted by guest , Jul 29, 2009 10:12AM
we all know the dangers of too much caffiene.
Starting on Monday, JPMorMuBearChase will be removing its coffee machines and will instead build meth labs on every floor.
Posted by guest , Jul 29, 2009 10:27AM
@3 - nice Simpsons reference.
Posted by guest , Jul 29, 2009 12:34PM
@38 JP Mormu Bearchase
nice
- Lucas Van Praag
Posted by guest , Jul 29, 2009 2:36PM
As a former full time analyst in that group (which was formerly merged into General Industries) I can attest to the brutality of some of the senior bankers there.
I barely made it out with my health and sanity. I remember my first year the group head was giving the group a year end review on how we performed. One item that stood out was how high the group turnover was there relative to other groups in IBD. We had something like a 70% turnover that year among VP's and below. It was an awful awful time. Thank god I'm out.
Posted by guest , Jul 29, 2009 5:23PM
I heard that some of the JPM Power MDs actually fired juniors who gave them bad "upward" reviews because their reviews were the worst in the bank. NR JPM sounds like quite the hostile work environment.
Posted by guest , Jul 30, 2009 12:43AM
@ 42...You are right, I can confirm this is true. NR gets worst upward reviews in JPM each year. You are told that they are confidential and supposed to serve as a constructive and threat free environment to provide feedback, but at least 2 MDs in Power Group got the upward reviews that people wrote about them (names included) and then fired the ones who gave them poor reviews. They actually then told people what they did so that others would be scared to speak out against them. NR is the most brutal environment you could possibly imagine to work in. I have no doubt that the seizures were brought on by countless all nighters forced by MDs.
Posted by guest , Jul 30, 2009 10:03AM
Yes I know its a cliche to bitch about how shitty the analyst lifestyle is but even among this morass of endless nights, political and stupid senior bankers, and mind numbing work there are some places worst than others.
I can say with full conviction that JPM's NR/General Industries Group is among the worst in the industry.
I remember when I was interviewing for Private Equity I met some Goldman people in the lobbies where we were waiting to interview. They told me their staffers actually worked around their schedules to help accommodate their interviews.
I was blown away. In General Industries/Natural Resources even the thought of mentioning you were interested in doing something else after your program in banking was met with an avalanche of mind numbing pitch work and shitty bonuses. The group was so ridiculous even the analysts were afraid to talk amongst themselves on what they were planning to do after 2/3 years.
Posted by guest , Jul 30, 2009 10:03AM
Yes I know its a cliche to bitch about how shitty the analyst lifestyle is but even among this morass of endless nights, political and stupid senior bankers, and mind numbing work there are some places worst than others.
I can say with full conviction that JPM's NR/General Industries Group is among the worst in the industry.
I remember when I was interviewing for Private Equity I met some Goldman people in the lobbies where we were waiting to interview. They told me their staffers actually worked around their schedules to help accommodate their interviews.
I was blown away. In General Industries/Natural Resources even the thought of mentioning you were interested in doing something else after your program in banking was met with an avalanche of mind numbing pitch work and shitty bonuses. The group was so ridiculous even the analysts were afraid to talk amongst themselves on what they were planning to do after 2/3 years.
- #41
Posted by guest , Jul 31, 2009 3:10PM
Only one seizure, can't be working hard enough. Here at Goldman, we measure success by the number of seizures in a week! Soft commercial bankers!!!
Posted by guest , Jul 31, 2009 3:13PM
Only one seizure, can't be working hard enough. Here at Goldman, we measure success by the number of seizures in a week! Soft commercial bankers!!!
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 4:45PM
J Horine is the head of Power in JPM...Worst reputation among junior bankers....and seniors (apparently bc of track record)
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 4:45PM
J Horine is the head of Power/ JPM...Worst reputation among junior bankers....and seniors (apparently bc of track record)
Posted by guest , Aug 04, 2009 9:02PM
word
http://greedisgood.ca
Posted by guest , Aug 17, 2009 11:26AM
Former JPM banker here. Power has worst rep of all groups at JPM. Two MDs in particular will go after you, if they find out you gave them less than stellar upward reviews. The head of Power regularly goes around the floor telling junior bankers how much money he made last year. Ridiculous.