We didn’t intend for this to be Bernie Madoff Wick Dipping Day but so be it. Did you work as an administrative at some point in the last few decades? There’s a good chance you got boned by Bernie, says another book about to be released on the topic of Berns’ roving D. According to author Jerry Oppenheimer, the Ponz Master “had flings with numerous secretaries that frequently ended with hush-hush settlements,” including one for $250,000. Most of the girls were “the same type as Ruth” in that they were blond* and blue eyed, and also not the same type, in that they were “young.” Apparently many a tryst took place “in the office,” which should add a little something to the guided tour of the Lipstick Building’s 17th floor that a couple of Bernie’s lovechildren are planning for this fall (people love a good conception-on-copy-machine story). Anyway, not that we necessarily want to hear or picture more on this subject, but one can’t help but think that this would be a great time for anyone touched by Bernie to come forward and weigh in on whether or not Sheryl Weinstein’s assessment of the Madoff package is fact or fiction.
*Ruling out the possibility of an affair with long-time secretary/Liza Minelli doppelgänger Eleanor Squillari, which might explain recent instances of cattiness re: Bernie’s girls: bitch be jealous.
**Sidebar: That’s definitely my new fave pick of the big man.
Comments (56)
Leave a comment
You can log in with your account or comment as a guest below.
$250,000? Sounds like I got a pretty good deal at 3 grand.
-Rick Pitino
Yes, he looks very regal.
They got banged like a screen door in a hurricane. Got banged like a blind girl driving a bumper car. Got banged like Moe of the Three Stooges. Banged like a cheap gong. Banged like fajita meat on Cesar Chavez Day.
what is he doing w his tongue in that picture?
The Pitino “affair” simply shows how badly this country is in need of health care reform. When bitches start jackin you for health insurance, you know it’s a national concern.
My admiration for this man grows by the day.
Become a billionaire: check
Swindle close friends/Tribe members: check
Leave wife destitute and make her an object of ridicule: check
Ruin the family name for generations: check
Bang tons of (hot?) blond women: check
Retire on the taxpayer’s dime: check
Regular, free man-sex after 70: check
What else can you hope to accomplish in life?
Dudes…..just have your agent start a “bitch fund”. Solves all the problems before they get out of hand.
~S. McNair
Assume anything Jews and Irish Catholics confabulate about sex and then extract therefrom the fourth root: Jews and Irish Catholics double frequency and number every time they recount the few times they copulate. The Church provides a simple and true instrument for counting the number of copulations per Irish-Catholic couple: count the children.
Sheryl’s assessment of the package is FICTION ;)
- Laura Blankfein
@6 = Client #9 ???
Hmmm, the “I was banging my secretary in the a*s while I was reading this” daily comments disappeared right around the time Bernie was locked up. Coincidence, I don’t think so.
bernie used to drill holes in watermelon and fuck it
@11 Curious indeed…
Where is the poster who bitches about all the long posts?
Bess, would you please verbally abuse me, smack me in the face and make me call you Lt. Sipowitz, please?
Porker
@12…and what’s wrong with that?
~Watermelon Growers and Marketers Council
Hempstead, TX
“the same type as Ruth” in that they were blond* and blue eyed,”
so basically that’s his version of kosher sex with a modesty hole bed sheet.
fREE bERNIE!!!!
@8. Stooge
I’m so getting a chicken parm hero for lunch today.
take my kosher salami you unholy temptress!!
Jews can be blond haired/blue-eyed?
@ you could try to accomplish not being cornholed twice daily for the rest of your years
@22
i know, you can’t trust anyone these days..
6 and 7 HILARIOUS
@6
Handjobs from an underage transsexual masseuse are a must for everyone’s “bucket list.”
-Jeff Epstein
Hey, it’s Vince with the Slap-Chop…
@6 good work. If you are employed, take the rest of the day off…
I was touched.
Later in the day…
“It’s not your fault, Dennis.”
“Don’t do this to me Larry. Not you!”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Oh God! Oh God!”
~CNBC muppet boy
it is now 12 past druries.
come on!
BlakPoint
Sheryl Weinstein’s “assessment” is incredible: Jewish women hardly are experts at sex or at estimating penis size. Weinstein is just typically babbling for bucks and saying anything to sell books to the credulous and ignorant. Anyone credulous and ignorant enough to credit any Jewish woman on sexual matters probably estimates Dr. Laura and Dr. Ruth to be good lays.
Let’s not speculate on the size of the Ponz’s package… after popping out 2 kids, Ruthie’s poon flaps probably hung like wizard sleeves in need of suspenders; of course he was getting the glue out elsewhere.
29,
Woof.
32,
“[...]probably hung like wizard sleeves in need of suspenders[...]”
Poetry.
Who was the female media executive who had the affair with him? It was alluded to in Oppenheimers book. Anyone?
Fruck all dose bitches, Bernie
–YE Yang
@22
Nein
@ BL: As the married among us know full well, one needs to occasionally inject stimulation in their miserable life.
push huppies
$500,000 for reading the newspaper everyday and doing nothing of value -BIG ED
I am just going to throw this out there. When A. Drury says Asiar, Austrailar, Chinar, or anything else that ends with an ar; my bathing suit area tingles.
Amen, @Naked!
BlackPoint
Who wants to have a clam bake in my fuzzy muffin?
dennis kneale
@ 39, see how long that marriage lasts
Intestinal fortitude is the new gang rape.
Buff Diver
@41 is there any possible scenerio where she says “vaginar” on air? ANY POSSBILITY?
ANDREW 6:30 SATURDAY SAME PLACE
Next, on CBS: Touched by an Angel Investor. Don’t Go Away!
@32 – Do you mind if I start using that description? “hanging like wizard sleeves”
@48…that’s a famous line from the movie “Borat”.
@45 — Only if she interviews Richard Branson about his new fleet of
airplanes.
@31: either you’re an anti-Semite, you’ve been banging the wrong Jewish girls, or you’re just pissed your Jewish ex-girlfriend publicly compared your ween to a pencil stub.
Every Jewess I’ve slept with was horny as a minx and could go on in great detail about the relative endowments of the different men she’s fucked.
They’re tigers in bed–swear off the pork and try some kosher fucking and see what you think. Why do you think 3/4 of this list wanks off fantasizing about Ms. Levin every night as opposed to some shiksa?
@Naked bribe the TelePrompTer boy and she’ll say vaginar, enemar, Bernanke cutting rates, BLAR blar BLAR blar BLAR.
@16: The seeds are a bitch to get out…
I got to occupy my time and office room, besides making fictitious statements only takes 30mins a day.
Bernie
Hanging like wizard sleeves FTW!
Bess:
Regarding @51, is this true?!?!?
Please go on in great detail.
Signed,
The 3/4′s