You probably didn't realize it at the time, but on July 2, the world changed. It was on that afternoon, just after we'd slapped up a picture of Amanda Drury sporting aggressive amounts of cleave, that a Dealbreaker reader asked, "you think they're big enough to TF? Looks like she might need to use the hand bridge." Though he was posting under "guest," his name was NakedShort, and he'd just injected the HB into Dealbreaker vernacular. Then, several weeks later, as we discussed the abomination that was FashionMeetsFinance, and the scandal taking place re: its guest list, another one of your own RSVP'ed to the event listing his company as Handbridge Capital. Today, Naked took it on home. The above image is currently being tweaked (the T's will be slightly smaller, as they currently do not require an HB to TF, and we strive for accuracy above all things), but it will be up for grabs very soon, possibly as early as tomorrow. But first we need a tagline, and we need you to give it to us. Do your worst.
Handbridge Capital Swag: Coming to a Rack Near You
Posted by Bess Levin, Aug 18, 2009, 5:30pm
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Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:34PM
I love this site.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:35PM
The Harder You Squeeze, the Better the Return
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:35PM
Biff would be proud
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:35PM
Handbridge Capital - We keep your assets liquid.
Handbridge Capital provides a healthy liquidity stream.
HC - IN YOUR FACE!
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:36PM
HB Capital: Let's Rub One Out
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:36PM
an event driven fund
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:37PM
LMFAO
Keep your growth assets on the right course.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:40PM
"Securely Bridging Your Liquidity Gap"
~The Joke Briefer
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:41PM
Handbridge Capital - The trick in a short squeeze is to be long.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:41PM
The key to getting through a short squeeze is being long.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:42PM
Position is everything.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:43PM
Not your normal distribution.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:43PM
Two tits in hand is worth more than one in the bush.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:45PM
Put your assets in our hands
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:45PM
Handbridge Capital: We Make Lemons Into Lemonade.
Handbridge Capital: We Enhance Your Assets
Handbridge Capital: The Harder You Squeeze, the Better the Return
-41 on previous thread.
Posted by EZ2517 , Aug 18, 2009 5:47PM
@8 and @9: genius!
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:49PM
Ro-bust Returns
We'll Rub You the Right Way
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:49PM
structuring your assets for guaranteed returns
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:49PM
BRAVO JOKE BRIEFER BRAVO
WE MISSED YOU!
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:50PM
Handbridge Capital: If you're not careful, you're going to put an eye out!
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:50PM
Cup my breasts and milk my balls!
MW
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:50PM
we milk our investors
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:52PM
Structured Investments, Explosive Returns
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:53PM
Providing a firm overview of deep fundamental research
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:53PM
comment removed by moderator
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:54PM
Together We'll Go Far
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:55PM
Naked, re: design,
I was thinking more along the lines of this:
http://imjustcreative.com/wp-content/uploads/inappropriate-religious-logo-better.jpg
Abstract enough you don't realize it right away but obviously fucked. Like, the hands would look like an actual bridge, the tits like the arches until one looks closer.
I don't really want to walk down the street with tits on me that everyone and their mother can see from a block away.
Besides, such obvious tits-on-tits irony will catch on with the female hipster crowd, though, if you wanted to turn it into a whole series poking fun at wall street I'm sure you'd make some decent money.
-14 from the other thread
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:55PM
HB Cap- Strategically Positioned
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:56PM
Bridging the gap to the point of no return ...
push huppies
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:57PM
@27 Here's an idea: Why don't you just make it look like McDonald's Golden Arches instead of female anatomy and then you could call it a Happy Meal
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 5:57PM
Handbridge: beating the high water mark
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:00PM
A stream that will keep you liquid.
BlackPoint
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:00PM
For the trade: "2-and-20 never felt so good."
For the pitch book: "You're gonna like the way you look. I promise."
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:01PM
Tits and money, gimmee sumadat!
CG
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:03PM
Besides, the whole detailed sketch combined with the bold font just doesn't work.
And no, I am not gay. It's just that I am a perfectionist when it comes to tits, and, given that this crowd will molest any tit with its nipples still intact, I feel it important to uphold some standards.
-27
P.S.
Handbridge Capital: There are worse ways to lose your life savings.
Handbridge Capital: something witty about protecting your assets even in a u-shaped recession.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:04PM
Handbridge- Making mountains out of molehills
Handbridge- Always in the groove
Handbridge- Well hedged against inflation
Handbridge- A division of Whiteneck Corp.
Handbridge- Our returns never sag
Posted by EricM , Aug 18, 2009 6:05PM
Coming together for better returns
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:06PM
Handbridge Capital: Two-Bagger Returns or Bust(ed).
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:08PM
Handbridge Capital - Our Logo Looks Like Tits
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:09PM
Handbridge Capital - Delivering unabridged liquidity and happy endings to our customers for 20 glorious years.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:09PM
Handbridge Capital - Where Going Tango Upsilon Can be a Good Thing
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:09PM
@30. How bout you piss up a rope. I've been doing nothing but drinking and watching my secretary's tits bounce around since lunch so my remarks are quite qualified and relevant. I've put a lot of thought into this. I even worked up a spreadsheet if you'd like to see it.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:11PM
Handbridge Capital - Reinventing the carry trade
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:11PM
Handbridge Capital - There is liquidity all over the place after periods of high volatility
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:11PM
@8 is the winner and it isn't close.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:14PM
No load. Just kidding.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:14PM
Tits? Tits are for poofs.
Dennis Kneale
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:15PM
@45. Pretty much but 36s whiteneck is not bad.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:15PM
@46 - that made me laugh.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:17PM
Brett Favre has your back, and front.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:17PM
@46. pretty good.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:18PM
Handbridge Capital: We squeeze to please.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:18PM
First the straddle, then the strangle.
- Albert DeSalvo.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:18PM
For the biggest upside of your life
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:21PM
Up to our neck in liquid capital.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:22PM
Handbridge Capital - We keep you in the UES on $2.5 million
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:25PM
Handbridge Capital - An offshoot of SAC Capital
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:28PM
Handbridge - we won't fuck you, but you can fuck us
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:29PM
Balls.
Balls in your mouth.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:30PM
Set your own watermark
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:31PM
57,
Steve doesn't blow loads...he blows lines, son.
Vinny Gobstopper
Ice Rink Management, Co.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:34PM
Hormone-free traders since 2007
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:41PM
Hndbridge Capital: The Pearl Necklace in your portfolio
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:41PM
Would someone find a way to combine trannys, traders/managers who gobble up the tranny dick, and the fake vs. real handbridge? Thanks.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:43PM
Securely Managed Assets
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:46PM
Even bigger than Bernie's cock
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 6:55PM
@NS/Bess,
Mandy should receive one of these. It was after all speculation about her funbags which led us to where we are.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 7:02PM
"Delivering Junk Yields on A-Rated Instruments"
-ExcessEC
Posted by FUNdamental , Aug 18, 2009 7:08PM
Helping SmallCaps finish in the money(shot) since the invention of hands
Giving pearl necklaces to all A and B class holders
If you're looking for traction in the asset valley, handbridge is your solution
Reach for HB when HJ just won't do.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 7:13PM
Handbridge Capital: Tactically injecting liquidity across triple A through triple B.
-Dobber
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 7:14PM
i went looking for inspiration at the big johnson store but sadly the 'finance' topic seems to be missing
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 7:21PM
@67 are you talking about the shirt or the HBC steepener trade?
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 7:25PM
What are first year HandCap numbers?
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 7:28PM
We provide leverage to outsize those small returns
Posted by FunnyBanker , Aug 18, 2009 7:29PM
The Evolution of Bridge Financing..........
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 7:29PM
"Handbridge- A division of Whiteneck Corp."
This is genius.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 7:29PM
Handbridge Capital
0 Risk - Feel safe to blow it all in one place.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 7:35PM
Handbridge Capital: Focused on Silicon Valley.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 7:37PM
Finding alpha by turning betas into deltas
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 7:52PM
@ 73
58k median, 20k bottom, 100 top tier (although I think they're lying and your girlfriend doesn't even enjoy that much money anyway)
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 7:54PM
Handbridge Capital - Pushing together toward success.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 8:12PM
Handbridge Capital - Promising white hot returns up to your ears
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 8:14PM
"You and US"
or
"Put it between the bags"
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 8:17PM
@83- I like "put it between the bags"
-amanda d
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 8:26PM
Returns like love come in spurts
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 8:26PM
Returns like love come in spurts
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 8:27PM
Returns like love come in spurts
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 8:27PM
85-87: those all suck.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 8:31PM
Dennis Kneale won't touch these
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 8:31PM
Edit as necessary but this is what passes for brainstorming on MetroNorth with 2 beers.
Handbridge -
Navigating the market's peaks and valleys for our clients.
The boobs may be fake but the returns are real.
What we lack in boobs, we make up for in returns.
Rewarding results for our clients at our fingertips.
Amazing client returns are within our grasp.
- Fixed Income
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 8:33PM
Handbridge Capital: 'You're the one that will need the TARP, not us"
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 8:39PM
@91 not true. the chick in the picture is a handbridge cap employee. the investor is the one with his d between her b's. ergo, he will be the one shooting his load, and she'll need a TARP lest she get shot in the eye.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 8:39PM
"Better returns than Greg's mom's labiaplasty"
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 8:40PM
@93 dont taint this with talk of that slut.
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 18, 2009 8:42PM
Handbridge Capital: "Exploiting ratings divergence opportunities with synthetic 'credit enhancement'"
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 8:53PM
Handbridge Capital - We'll carry your load for you
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 9:06PM
Handbridge Capital - Guaranteed to go tits up
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 9:13PM
Handbrigde Capital: Our palms don't have nipple imprints for nothing, come slide in with us.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 9:21PM
Handbridge Capital - Deploy your capital in a controlled fashion
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 9:29PM
The situation is fluid
Posted by wcburrs87 , Aug 18, 2009 9:31PM
HC - Helping you delta until you vega on our beta.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 9:39PM
HC - Helping Christ make bank.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 9:41PM
@100 - Nice. Simple. Perfect. Second only to my favorite:
"No load. Just kidding."
Both very Hemmingway.
Posted by Prime Brokerage Dude , Aug 18, 2009 9:42PM
Handbridge Capital - We've never "Madoff" with more than 2 and 20 and the occasional pearl necklace.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 9:42PM
"the situation is fluid" is pretty perfect, as it make sense, and also is a good insidery joke about gasparino.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 9:46PM
1st yr HandCap numbers (3 buckets):
36-24-36
EDIT -- only if she's 5'3"
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 9:49PM
@Naked - had enough yet? This has the potential to get seriously out of hand - in a good way, of course.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 9:50PM
gay to play
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 9:52PM
with HC you never need a bail-out
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 9:58PM
Fuck the alpha - have some smegma.
Posted by Long Squeeze , Aug 18, 2009 9:59PM
You ain't never seen capital deployed like this!
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 9:59PM
Handbridge - earning the right to be our customer's first choice for facials, one load at a time.
- Fixed Income
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 9:59PM
Bringing things closer together
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 9:59PM
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. That chinchilla hiding in a blue muumuu is really not "aggressive amounts of cleave." Call me when she's gassed up those funbags.
Posted by Mike_Oxbig , Aug 18, 2009 10:02PM
Using our structure to secure your growth.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:02PM
@114, uh, for a business network, yeah, that is a aggressive amts of cleave. idiot.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:04PM
Handbridge a district of CHESTER in England - so hilarious!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Handbridge
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:05PM
Accessing liquidity in shallow valleys
Bridging the gap to provide you with superior returns
Finding creative ways to leverage our assets
Ensuring relief between peaks
Sometimes you need a helping hand to realize maximum returns
Optimum realization from small cap funds
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:05PM
A safe place to park your...capital.
Posted by Long Squeeze , Aug 18, 2009 10:07PM
@119 - let me edit, please:
A safe place to pork your capital.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:08PM
Has Tax Chick joined in the fray at all or is she taking the moral high ground on this one?
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:08PM
Handbridge Capital: The only true portfolio of pearls outside of Silicon Valley
-Dobber
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 18, 2009 10:08PM
Handbridge Capital (Bank Debt Desk): Specializing in flex-up deals with minimal coverage
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:09PM
Handbridge Capital - Put your Spank in our Bank
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:09PM
@117 - it used to be called Royal Handbridge. Now wouldn't that be something.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:16PM
@125 ewwwww
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:17PM
HC - Put your Mittens on our Sweater Kittens
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:17PM
Handling Fluid Situations for over 150 years.
-the guy from Detroit
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:17PM
It's all about the MAYO!
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:18PM
@124 That's spunk. You spank til you spunk.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:18PM
You're gonna love my nuts!
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:18PM
Hey, check out what Bloomberg is doing from 10am to noon, along with Margaret Brennan and Donohoe it's turning into an arms race!
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:20PM
@132 STFU. We're talking about handbridges and tittyfucking.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:23PM
@14
Put your hands in our assets
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:23PM
#46 is by far the best
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:24PM
If you guys get fleeces, I'm jumping ship.
-steve c
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:30PM
Handbridge Capital - Enhanced Natural Resource instrument
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:41PM
We achieve PEAK returns while avoiding the CREV-ASSES
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:47PM
Handbridge Capital.
Our business strategy is kind of like pushing two small- to medium-sized breasts close enough together that you can interlock your fingers, then moving one's penis back and forth below those interlocked fingers, thus increasing the friction between penis and breasts. And then you blow a gigantic load on her face. Financially.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:48PM
handbridge capital - a light pool liquidity provider
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:55PM
Handbridge Capital: Maximizing returns on sub-prime assets
Handbridge Capital: Optimizing your returns, utilizing sub-prime asset concentration.
R.Go
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 10:56PM
HC - for when she thought YAZ was a stock
Posted by NakedShort , Aug 18, 2009 10:57PM
Wow. Just Wow. I am in the presence of greatness this evening.
Posted by NakedShort , Aug 18, 2009 11:00PM
This why my initial idear (to sound like A. Drury)
(ATMTTFWHB)²
FTW!
But centered obviously, keep in mind I thought the tag line on the back would be one to two lines TOPS.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 11:06PM
@27 fuck you. are so funny, not at all!
The Guy Who May Have Messed Up The Punctuation On That Comment
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 11:11PM
@46 naiiiiled it.
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 11:14PM
Get your fat tail over here.
HandBridge, formerly known as Boobin & Smegma, now a wholly-owned subsidiary of JO&C Merkin
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 11:27PM
Handbridge Capital - Providing Liquidity From Leveraged Assets
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 11:32PM
@ 148 - nice
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 11:34PM
"Where A is junk and investment grade starts at C"
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 11:39PM
HBC: divesting your personal assets further
I have run out of wine ........... fuck it. Me FTW.
R.Go
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 11:46PM
inspired by 150
'Double A rated assets into a synthetic C tranche'
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 11:47PM
We're always pushing to secure your assets
-Handbridge Cap's auditor
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 11:47PM
HBC... Where the ultimate fluid liquidity lies between the markets peaks and valleys.
-- The Cats Ass
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 11:53PM
Make adjustments not excuses
Posted by guest , Aug 18, 2009 11:56PM
B an L
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 12:36AM
They will always find a way to ripp off people. This sums it up well:
"Capitalism is not fair particularly when humans and institutions intervene. Take the rule of cash for your old cars. Well people find loopholes, and the get cash paid for by the taxpayer (U and I). The only way to get "even" is to profit like sharks are doing. If you dot not do a thing, then it means you are paying for the car of a next guy. I like loopholes, and easy money. U?
http://cashforclunkerseligibility.blogspot.com/
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 12:39AM
I still enjoy "Structured Investments, Explosive Returns."
Subtle, concise, accurate.
"No Load. Just Kidding." is solid too but sounds a tad more vulgar if you're wearing it to a midtown gym, for instance.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 3:41AM
"Yield enhancement the old-fashioned way"
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 4:21AM
Keeping Abreast of the Action
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 4:22AM
Some more:
Trading In Treasury Securities
or
Totally In Treasury Securities
Posted by TGFBV , Aug 19, 2009 4:29AM
So far, I'm voting:
Structured Assets. Explosive Returns.
--or--
Put Your Capital Where it Belongs
DB is the best site in the world, bar none.
Posted by NakedShort , Aug 19, 2009 7:25AM
"We believe the key reason for our success is our policy to not hire CFAs, MBAs or Ph.Ds"
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 7:25AM
Let me offer one humble comment for judging this- the tagline needs to specifically allude to use of a HB during TF. Thus, for example, while funny #46 is not the best ("No Load. Just Kidding.") as this could just as well refer to BJ Capital, AF Corp., Facial Family of Funds, and Bukake Investments.
Posted by NakedShort , Aug 19, 2009 7:27AM
"We drive returns, structure creative ways to deploy your capital and arm wrestle. Its what we love to do, its what we do best"
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 7:36AM
#152, epic ..
Posted by Seaman Bodine II , Aug 19, 2009 7:42AM
"We're there when it counts."
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 7:50AM
@139 - awesome. Obviously not going to win, but it's awesome.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 7:55AM
Handbridge Capital.
Because beggars can't be choosers.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 8:02AM
SBII:
"We're there when it _really_ counts."
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 8:05AM
Always there to lend a helping hand.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 8:11AM
Beta an Leverage on our Thetas
Posted by NakedShort , Aug 19, 2009 8:13AM
"Where we're going we dont need roads"
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 8:16AM
137 here, I thought about it some more:
Handbridge Capital - Long play on Enhanced Ausie Resources
Maybe with a subtle ausie flag behind the main graphic.
Posted by Investorcluzo , Aug 19, 2009 8:25AM
@naked - well played. you are forever etched in DB history...now for your tagline. agree it should be no longer than 2 lines, one line probably better. with that as starting point:
HC - put your world in our hands
or
HC - we're the better hands people
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 8:26AM
When times are hard, we're there to lend a helping hand.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 8:33AM
Handbridge Capital. It's the result that matters.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 8:42AM
A Leveraged Long Strategy in Small Caps.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 8:50AM
HC: Too hard to fail.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:02AM
"You're in good hand"
--Winner.
Posted by Perkins Maxwell , Aug 19, 2009 9:03AM
@Naked: You are a genius. And a wonderful, wonderful man. Did you friend who drew this use Muffie Benson-Perella as the model?
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:08AM
I hear they've already raised 36C in funding.
Posted by NakedShort , Aug 19, 2009 9:08AM
How about this one? Keep in mind this is an actual quote and if it makes the shirt maybe we can fire one of to J. Dimon:
"The wise man bridges the gap by laying out the path by means of which he can get from where he is to where he wants to go."
-John Pierpont Morgan
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:16AM
We work hard so you don't have to.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:17AM
@172
Nice.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:20AM
i love this site. my first stop in the morning.
Posted by Perkins Maxwell , Aug 19, 2009 9:22AM
@NS: great quote. Except, alas, it isn't the man of course doing the bridging here.
Maybe:
"The wise woman bridges her gap by laying out the path by means of which her man can get from where he is to where he wants to go."
--(with apologies to) J. Pierpont Morgan
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 19, 2009 9:28AM
Handbridge (Venture) Capital: "Specialists in taking A & B rounds to C & D"
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:29AM
My further edit:
"The wise woman bridges her gap by laying out the path by means of which her man can get from where he is to where he wants to blow."
--(with apologies to) J. Pierpont Morgan
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:34AM
Ask about our high frequency strategies
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:36AM
Handbridge Capital - Structured leverage that funnels emerging market liquidity into our portfolio.
Handbridge Capital - We're the stable platform you need to rise to success.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:37AM
HB Capital: "Helping You Come out of the Peaks and Troughs Head First"
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:46AM
"We're going to talk to you like a child...if you understand what we're saying, just say 'yeah.'"
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:51AM
Handbridge Capital: In good times and bad, we take it on the chin.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:53AM
@189
Nice!
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:01AM
Structured Assets; Explosive Returns
FTW
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:02AM
Leveraged assets - Satisfied Clients
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:05AM
As seen on CNBC's Squawk on the Street with Erin Burnett.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:08AM
HC - Mind the Gap
Posted by NakedShort , Aug 19, 2009 10:10AM
"64% of the time we beat a sloppy vajayjay everytime"
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:13AM
"Bridge loans to bridged loads"
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:13AM
"Your Investment Package is Safe in Our Hands"
or
"Your Family Jewels are Safe in Our Hands"
or
"Increasing Family Jewels, One Hand at a Time"
or
"Your Bridge to Success is in Our Hands"
How will you know who submiited the winning tag...so we can pick up the free t-shirt? 1st 3 #'s of cell are 699 for reference
Posted by NakedShort , Aug 19, 2009 10:16AM
@202 Hey Fucko, I invented the t shirt do you think I am asking for anything for free? The fact that you will be a part of something truly legendary should be sufficient.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:19AM
HB Capital: Bridging the Liquidity Gap.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:25AM
I hereby nominate this thread for the DB Thread Hall of Fame. Epic.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:28AM
Guaranteed Deposits.
Posted by Perkins Maxwell , Aug 19, 2009 10:29AM
@189: Even better.
@205: seconded
and @Bess/NS: How about we narrow this down? Pick the top 5 or 10 out of this explosive load of contributions and let's really nail this down.
Posted by Richard Whitney , Aug 19, 2009 10:33AM
First!
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:35AM
Structuring B-Rated Assets for Enhanced Liquidity.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:40AM
Lockup required. Situation is fluid.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:43AM
Handbridge Capital - "Now with three attractive locations to deposit your liquid assets"
Posted by Prime Brokerage Dude , Aug 19, 2009 10:47AM
Handbridge Capital - Giving our investors happy endings since 1992.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:50AM
@209- or just make that "Structuring Investment-Grade Assets for Enhanced Liquidity"
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:50AM
Laying the Foundation...
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:51AM
#182, I literally burst out laughing ...
This post certainly blew the fuck up in epicness.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:54AM
Handbridge Capital- Proud to be a Pyramid Scheme.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:55AM
We take liquidity seriously.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:56AM
We take liquidity... seriously.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 11:16AM
@213 I think "structuring B-rated assets" works better because there's no such cup size as BBB , the AD twins look like B's, anything bigger than a B probably doesn't need a handbridge, and anything smaller is a single landmass so unbridgeable.
That phrase perfectly captures the concept of a handbridge, and it makes sense from a financial perspective.
"Enhanced liquidity" is just one of many directions one could go with the sexual stimulation aspect of the joke.
-209
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 11:18AM
1. Building bridges for our clients since 2009.
2. Accepting long and short strategies since 2009.
3. Go long under our bridge, you won't regret it.
4. Handbridge Capital, keeping you liquid during the red tide.
5. Handbridge Capital, because you're not allowed downstairs.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 11:26AM
@216- nice.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 11:54AM
HC - Willing to get our hands dirty when facing sub-prime assets.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 12:33PM
HC- Using synergies to enhance our assets
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 12:37PM
A take on Prudential's "The face you can trust" ad campaign.
HC: The face you can trust... with your deposit.
Posted by Prime Brokerage Dude , Aug 19, 2009 12:39PM
Handbridge Capital - Why settle for a stock-jockey, when you can get a tit-jockey instead ?
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 12:59PM
HC- Using the madoff-weinstein asset enhancement model
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 12:59PM
"Bridging the Gap - to your Satisfaction"
-2Stop
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 1:09PM
net long to gross short...we don't discriminate!
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 1:20PM
We make money the old fashioned way. We EARN it!
HCP: Reward yourself
We work hard for the money
Your deposits are HBC insured
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 1:36PM
Put your hard earned seed capital in our HCP Liquid Assets Opportunities Fund
Offering guaranteed returns in the valleys between every portfolio's peaks
Invest your seed capital in our HCP Liquid Assets Opportunities Fund
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 1:36PM
The Best so far:
- Guaranteed Deposits.
- No load. Just kidding.
- We take liquidity... seriously.
- Position is everything.
- Lockup required. Situation is fluid.
- An event driven fund
- Now with three attractive locations to deposit your liquid assets
- The key to getting through a short squeeze is being long.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 1:36PM
Put your hard earned seed capital in our HBC Liquid Assets Opportunities Fund
Offering guaranteed returns in the valleys between every portfolio's peaks
Invest your seed capital in our HBC Liquid Assets Opportunities Fund
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 1:36PM
Put your hard earned seed capital in our HBC Liquid Assets Opportunities Fund
Offering guaranteed returns in the valleys between every portfolio's peaks
Invest your seed capital in our HBC Liquid Assets Opportunities Fund
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 1:40PM
@172 Nice.
What about "Stimulating your Delta with our Thetas"
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 1:42PM
@139 FTW!
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 1:53PM
turn your small nut into a large wad
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 2:19PM
We bridge the capital gaps and squeeze the last drop of returns out the long term holdings. Please put your hard earned asset into the only secure, warn and personal service available.
Handbridge Capital LLC.
Where your asset thrives.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 2:34PM
We Keep the Returns Cumming.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 2:39PM
Recieve Enhanced Yields Through Structured Natural Resources
Always on Top
Our Structures Deliver Enhanced Security and Superior Liquidity
Our Leverage Creates Juicy Returns
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 3:02PM
HC: Make the most of your assets
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 5:31PM
Handbridge capital, where every investor gets a pearl necklace.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 5:50PM
HC: We put the investor on top.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 6:11PM
HC - servicing hard assets
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 6:52PM
HC - Drinking your Milkshake
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 8:40PM
Covered Positions since Flash is Banned
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 4:26AM
"A hands-on approach to sub-prime assets"
AA
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 4:35AM
@246 - brilliant!
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:20AM
Graphic Logo (small):
http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/4789/handbridgelogopic3sm.jpg
Posted by guest , Aug 21, 2009 1:33PM
Got Milk?
Posted by Tapecracker , Aug 21, 2009 1:57PM
"Handbridge Capital. Unlike our competitors, we minimize spread."
Posted by guest , Aug 21, 2009 7:36PM
HC - I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, which is what I have been doing all day.