An analyst, late 20′s, at a hedge fund that shall remain nameless on Park is currently attempting to best this morning’s showing out of Great Britain, i.e. successfully completing a spread of candy and other assorted snacks without throwing up with minutes to go. He has 9 hours to eat 40 items (full accounting after the jump), which strikes us as an exceedingly long period of time but the bar has been set extremely, embarrassingly low. Started 15 minutes ago, so far has housed both packs of Ho-Ho’s and all the Lay’s chips.
Update: I’ve been informed that the contestant does not have to swallow the gum (he has to chew each piece for 2 minutes), and also asked to noted that the bulk of these items “have been expired for 1-2 months.”
Update II: Done: Lays, Doritos, De-lish-us Cheese Popcorn, both bags of pretzels, Cheez-Its, Baby Ruth, Twix, Beanut M&Ms, both sets of Ho-Hos, and a pack a mints. Says, “My stomach knows what I’m doing. There is no sneaking up on this one.”
Update III: Done: T.G.I. Fridays Potato Skins, both bags of Krunchers! Kosher Dill, reg. M&Ms, Reese’s NutRageous, and the Famos Amos cookies. “His pace is troublesome, and he has a long battle ahead of him.”
Update IV: Left: Chili Cheese Fritos, Veggie Wheat Thins, Original Fritos, Cheetos, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Hostess Pudding Pie, Suzy Q’s, Ice Breakers gum.
Update V: Threw in the towel 35. Left was: Suzy Qs, both Fritos, Cheetos, and Pudding Pie.
Items:
Foxes Refreshing Mint (12 mints)
Foxes Refreshing Mint (12 mints)
Foxes Refreshing Mint (12 mints)
Foxes Five Flavor (11 candies)
Ice Breakers (6 sticks of gum)
Twix Cookie Bars
Snickers
3 Musketeers
BabyRuth
Reese’s NutRageous
Butterfinger
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Trail’s Best Double Salami (2 sticks)
M&M’s
M&M’s (peanut)
Grandma’s Homestyle Cookies (2)
Hostess Pudding Pie
Hostess Ho-Hos
Hostess Ho-Hos
Hostess Suzy Q’s
Snyder’s of Hanover Mini Pretzels
Snyder’s of Hanover Mini Pretzels
Famos Amos Cookies
De-lish-us Cheese Popcorn
Lay’s Potato Chips (sour cream)
Lay’s Potato Chips (sour cream)
Cheetos
Fritos
Fritos (chili cheese)
Andy Capp’s Cheddar Fries
Andy Capp’s Cheddar Fries
Lay’s Potato Chips
Cheez-It
Wheat Thins Toasted Chips (veggie)
Doritos (cool ranch)
Doritos (nacho cheese)
Doritos (nacho cheese)
Krunchers! Potato Chips (kosher dill)
Krunchers! Potato Chips (kosher dill)
T.G.I. Friday’s Potato Skins (cheddar & bacon)
Totals: 40 items, 65.3 oz., 9030 calories, 422 g of fat, 9690 mg of sodium, and 566 g of sugar.
Tax Chick, how many items do you count?
This is bullshit. Do the century club with natty light you fucking rookies.
that is a serious list. beware of the M&M peanut’s. real killers.
@2 why don’t you do it, chief?
Gasparino could rip through that buffet in five minutes flat, and then down a few canolis for dessert
-Pfluger
@5 the god damn truth
-cg
and last but not least one badass myocardial infarction lasting 10 short seconds.
2 here – I have, many times. Also with bud light and labatt. So 4 – get back in the kitchen and make me a pie.
-the guy from Detroit
this is nothing. I climaxed from being fucked with a guy with a tiny dick.
-SW
Does he swallow the gum? If not, how long does he have to chew?
This is key. If he gets a break by just taking a few token chews it makes this whole thing a pussies attempt to get attention.
9 hours? WTF is that?
USA! USA!
While this pussy eats a vending machine, we’ve got an intern at Handbridge Capital guzzling 8 buckets of jizz in 30 minutes.
How big is the bucket?
-CG
@12 – Barney Frank is no intern, friendo.
he’s going to have a wicked case of lock jaw from chewing EACH piece for two minutes.
@4 – because I do it every morning after massacring the pec deck, pal.
Who got a hold of my lunch order?
-SC
Thanks for the gum clarification Bess.
It’s still too much time, but at least they are making him work through all of it.
Dr. Hibbert: Do you have diabetes?
Carl (shaking): No
Dr. Hibbert: Well you do now!
Also, I predict the analyst pukes after his 2000th calorie, the lightweight.
@15 I was thinking the same thing.
-ping j
I’ve never heard of “Trail’s Best Double Salami.” Sounds like a scam to me.
-cg
didn’t they stop making andy capp fries in like 1997?
“He’s gonna’ pop” – Cypher Raegan
Who wants to milk me while a collie watches?
Dennis Kneale
lame
Where is the Snickers Ad Manager at a time like this?
Coke on a Thursday, bitches!
Time for something new… tired of food eating challenges.
@ 28: GFY
This kid is so epically fuxored, I’ll start opening odds at a coincident 40:1.
If he’s eating it in that order over/under goes to chili cheese fritos
@28 get out there and make something happen then, hoss.
That is one fine smorgasborg of snacking. What is the over/under? He/she is not making it through the Butterfinger. True dat.
looks like a standard brekkie for your average fat-arsed yank
Pretty yankified offering there; I’m surprised there’s not more Walkers and Cadbury and shit.
@34 why? this is taking place in manhattan, not the UK.
seriously, where’s the over/under? how big is the market? i want to profit on this kid’s demise.
if this guy is a true american — morbidly obese, massive head, eyes too close together, tragic dress sense — i’d back him all the way
lot of hate from the british bitches today
Not a hell of a lot of gum!
37 GFY.
Michael Moore
”
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:56AM
if this guy is a true american — morbidly obese, massive head, eyes too close together, tragic dress sense — i’d back him all the way”
Which part of the above fails to mention the characteristics of an Englishman, exactly?
Your lineage exists via sister-fucking, mother-fucking, and cousin-fucking.
In short, fuck yourself, and discontinue the inbreeding.
p(Hurling on TGIF Skins | not having hurled) = 1.0
Same could be said for the salami if expired. No expiration condition on the skins.
Cum guzzler @1 – my ability to count was asked and answered. Your point is to prove that you are a ‘tard? Success! Kudos to you.
sister-fucking, mother-fucking, and cousin-fuckin…sounds good!
west virginia
very lame post, beth. you can do better. it’s the dead of august, step it up . . .
@45 how? how was this lame? blow yourself
Salami does not expire.
@45…WTF?? “Step it up?” Look who’s talking! The only thing you’ve ever “stepped up to” was a tied cow so you could fuck it!
~The Heckler Heckler
i’m hung like a stallion, not that hard to do, you smelly clam.
@47 FTW
#’tax chickwhy don’t you comment on you being cluzo’d? what happened? not satisfied? got more than you bargained for? tell us!
@45 bess brings it consistently every fucking day. kill yourself.
What kind of challenge is this? Now you throw in a half dozen Slim Jims and then we’ll see who’s a badass.
@41 Absolutely!!! Way to Go and Well Played!!!!
@52 — get a fuckin life, you undersexed loser.
@55 not undersexed, just not a massive bag of mashed up asshole like yourself.
@56, beth wouldn’t fuck you with barney frank’s dick. get over her. go find a new JAP fantasy.
Are you saying “Trail’s Best Double Salami” is a food product and not a dude ranch initiation ceremony like they told me last July in Colorado?????
~The Forehead Slapper
The dude in the pic above looks a bit “excited” to get started. Just sayin’….
Whats the prize purse for this Herculean feat?
@59 it’s the pleats. just sayin’……….
@59 – unlike bernie, it looks like a little wood (not sack) that he’s packing. probably an irish boner.
@ 59 : looks like poor american tailoring to me
@45 what Beth are you referring to you ‘tard?? Is that the name of Kneale’s collie? Why don’t you make like DK and put some PB on your balls and call the collie over.
The hostess pudding pie is going to derail the train on this one.
Is he allowed to crap during the 9 hrs?
@64 — beth hates you. she told me herself. go find some dyke midget to fuck, you loser.
@64 FTW
— NYSSA guy Eddie
Seriously, what kind of hedge fund has a vending machine? Jokers…
Vol arb bucket shops downtown do
this guy is a pussy! a guy onteh NYMEX floor drank 20 beers in 60 minutes, eat that fuck face!!
Motivational music:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PG5RUNlxtkA
@35, thought I was posting on the other one; I’m an idiot -34
Ok…nice warm up….now let the floor challenge him to a refried bean & prune danish chow down.
Some former contestants at this hedge fund………
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSWaxPpedSU
the kid doesn’t look fat.
So is the kid dead or crapping himself silly yet?
No, he is up and around. Still working while he does this thing. He has actually hit a 2nd wind. 3.5 hours to go.
@70 Queens is that way
The Cheezits will end him
Nah, the Suzy Qs will destroy him. That’s the brick wall (Trojan horse, if you may).
I’ll be a believer when he finishes the Hostess Pudding Pie and the Double Salami
Cheezits done. My money is on the pudding pie!
By my count, this is what is left:
Foxes Refreshing Mint (12 mints)
Foxes Refreshing Mint (12 mints)
Foxes Five Flavor (11 candies)
Ice Breakers (6 sticks of gum)
Snickers
3 Musketeers
Butterfinger
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Trail’s Best Double Salami (2 sticks)
Grandma’s Homestyle Cookies (2)
Hostess Pudding Pie
Hostess Suzy Q’s
Cheetos
Fritos
Fritos (chili cheese)
Andy Capp’s Cheddar Fries
Andy Capp’s Cheddar Fries
Wheat Thins Toasted Chips (veggie)
cheddar hot fires = death
That is correct Tax Chick. We here are all concerned about the Suzy Q’s and the pudding pie.
I would like everyone to know, too, that the pudding pie expired 4 days ago, making it that much more difficult/hilarious.
Is he allowed to eat other foods while chewing the gum?
@77 has his work faltered in any way? Has he recommended buying AIG yet? Also, I don’t think a pudding pie expiring really changes the flavor at all. It’s just that the pie talks smack about you first.
-76
@86
On a day AIG is up almost 30%?
I’m not sure that counts as faltering
What is the update? Has he puked yet?
What is the update? Has he puked yet?
I will send Bess an update at 4. No puking yet.
Update at 5*
Does he have to chew each piece of gum individually? Or can it be a massive-ball-type-deal?
Well he’s almost done with all the mints, they’ve been helping with increasing appetite/mood/stomach calm. I think he actually wants to chew them individually to hopefully get the same effect.
This has been going on for far too long… Its not even impressive anymore
This is bullshit. Any garden variety fat pig could pull this off in 9 hours.
This whole office must be a bunch of fags.
@95 “garden variety fat pig”
awesome
If you think this is easy, go ahead and step up to the plate buddy.
This almost makes me wish I didn’t start my own fund at such a young age and worked at a shibank where my binging abilities could be appreciated/lucrative, bc i could f’ing smoke these. seriously NOT HARD.
-not a greenwich guy
@74 – Check out that guy’s subscribers – bbwlover1969.
looks like the brits won this one
@100 – now way. the brit “challenge” as a whole was still smaller than this failure to reach the goal line. that’s no victory.