An analyst, late 20's, at a hedge fund that shall remain nameless on Park is currently attempting to best this morning's showing out of Great Britain, i.e. successfully completing a spread of candy and other assorted snacks without throwing up with minutes to go. He has 9 hours to eat 40 items (full accounting after the jump), which strikes us as an exceedingly long period of time but the bar has been set extremely, embarrassingly low. Started 15 minutes ago, so far has housed both packs of Ho-Ho's and all the Lay's chips.
Update: I've been informed that the contestant does not have to swallow the gum (he has to chew each piece for 2 minutes), and also asked to noted that the bulk of these items "have been expired for 1-2 months."
Update II: Done: Lays, Doritos, De-lish-us Cheese Popcorn, both bags of pretzels, Cheez-Its, Baby Ruth, Twix, Beanut M&Ms, both sets of Ho-Hos, and a pack a mints. Says, "My stomach knows what I'm doing. There is no sneaking up on this one."
Update III: Done: T.G.I. Fridays Potato Skins, both bags of Krunchers! Kosher Dill, reg. M&Ms, Reese's NutRageous, and the Famos Amos cookies. "His pace is troublesome, and he has a long battle ahead of him."
Update IV: Left: Chili Cheese Fritos, Veggie Wheat Thins, Original Fritos, Cheetos, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Hostess Pudding Pie, Suzy Q's, Ice Breakers gum.
Update V: Threw in the towel 35. Left was: Suzy Qs, both Fritos, Cheetos, and Pudding Pie.
Items:
Foxes Refreshing Mint (12 mints)
Foxes Refreshing Mint (12 mints)
Foxes Refreshing Mint (12 mints)
Foxes Five Flavor (11 candies)
Ice Breakers (6 sticks of gum)
Twix Cookie Bars
Snickers
3 Musketeers
BabyRuth
Reese's NutRageous
Butterfinger
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
Trail's Best Double Salami (2 sticks)
M&M's
M&M's (peanut)
Grandma's Homestyle Cookies (2)
Hostess Pudding Pie
Hostess Ho-Hos
Hostess Ho-Hos
Hostess Suzy Q's
Snyder's of Hanover Mini Pretzels
Snyder's of Hanover Mini Pretzels
Famos Amos Cookies
De-lish-us Cheese Popcorn
Lay's Potato Chips (sour cream)
Lay's Potato Chips (sour cream)
Cheetos
Fritos
Fritos (chili cheese)
Andy Capp's Cheddar Fries
Andy Capp's Cheddar Fries
Lay's Potato Chips
Cheez-It
Wheat Thins Toasted Chips (veggie)
Doritos (cool ranch)
Doritos (nacho cheese)
Doritos (nacho cheese)
Krunchers! Potato Chips (kosher dill)
Krunchers! Potato Chips (kosher dill)
T.G.I. Friday's Potato Skins (cheddar & bacon)
Totals: 40 items, 65.3 oz., 9030 calories, 422 g of fat, 9690 mg of sodium, and 566 g of sugar.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:07AM
Tax Chick, how many items do you count?
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:08AM
This is bullshit. Do the century club with natty light you fucking rookies.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:08AM
that is a serious list. beware of the M&M peanut's. real killers.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:08AM
@2 why don't you do it, chief?
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:08AM
Gasparino could rip through that buffet in five minutes flat, and then down a few canolis for dessert
-Pfluger
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:09AM
@5 the god damn truth
-cg
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:09AM
and last but not least one badass myocardial infarction lasting 10 short seconds.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:10AM
2 here - I have, many times. Also with bud light and labatt. So 4 - get back in the kitchen and make me a pie.
-the guy from Detroit
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:11AM
this is nothing. I climaxed from being fucked with a guy with a tiny dick.
-SW
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:11AM
Does he swallow the gum? If not, how long does he have to chew?
This is key. If he gets a break by just taking a few token chews it makes this whole thing a pussies attempt to get attention.
9 hours? WTF is that?
Posted by wcburrs87 , Aug 20, 2009 10:13AM
USA! USA!
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:14AM
While this pussy eats a vending machine, we've got an intern at Handbridge Capital guzzling 8 buckets of jizz in 30 minutes.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:17AM
How big is the bucket?
-CG
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:17AM
@12 - Barney Frank is no intern, friendo.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:18AM
he's going to have a wicked case of lock jaw from chewing EACH piece for two minutes.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:18AM
@4 - because I do it every morning after massacring the pec deck, pal.
Posted by highlyconfident , Aug 20, 2009 10:19AM
Who got a hold of my lunch order?
-SC
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:20AM
Thanks for the gum clarification Bess.
It's still too much time, but at least they are making him work through all of it.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:20AM
Dr. Hibbert: Do you have diabetes?
Carl (shaking): No
Dr. Hibbert: Well you do now!
Also, I predict the analyst pukes after his 2000th calorie, the lightweight.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:20AM
@15 I was thinking the same thing.
-ping j
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:22AM
I've never heard of "Trail's Best Double Salami." Sounds like a scam to me.
-cg
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:23AM
didn't they stop making andy capp fries in like 1997?
Posted by EvilBuzzard , Aug 20, 2009 10:27AM
"He's gonna' pop" - Cypher Raegan
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:27AM
Who wants to milk me while a collie watches?
Dennis Kneale
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:28AM
lame
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:29AM
Where is the Snickers Ad Manager at a time like this?
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:33AM
Coke on a Thursday, bitches!
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:33AM
Time for something new... tired of food eating challenges.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:36AM
@ 28: GFY
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 20, 2009 10:37AM
This kid is so epically fuxored, I'll start opening odds at a coincident 40:1.
If he's eating it in that order over/under goes to chili cheese fritos
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:38AM
@28 get out there and make something happen then, hoss.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:40AM
That is one fine smorgasborg of snacking. What is the over/under? He/she is not making it through the Butterfinger. True dat.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:46AM
looks like a standard brekkie for your average fat-arsed yank
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:48AM
Pretty yankified offering there; I'm surprised there's not more Walkers and Cadbury and shit.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:50AM
@34 why? this is taking place in manhattan, not the UK.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:53AM
seriously, where's the over/under? how big is the market? i want to profit on this kid's demise.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:56AM
if this guy is a true american -- morbidly obese, massive head, eyes too close together, tragic dress sense -- i'd back him all the way
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:57AM
lot of hate from the british bitches today
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:58AM
Not a hell of a lot of gum!
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:00AM
37 GFY.
Michael Moore
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:09AM
"
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 10:56AM
if this guy is a true american -- morbidly obese, massive head, eyes too close together, tragic dress sense -- i'd back him all the way"
Which part of the above fails to mention the characteristics of an Englishman, exactly?
Your lineage exists via sister-fucking, mother-fucking, and cousin-fucking.
In short, fuck yourself, and discontinue the inbreeding.
Posted by PhilSeltzer , Aug 20, 2009 11:09AM
p(Hurling on TGIF Skins | not having hurled) = 1.0
Same could be said for the salami if expired. No expiration condition on the skins.
Posted by Tax Chick , Aug 20, 2009 11:10AM
Cum guzzler @1 - my ability to count was asked and answered. Your point is to prove that you are a 'tard? Success! Kudos to you.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:12AM
sister-fucking, mother-fucking, and cousin-fuckin...sounds good!
west virginia
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:13AM
very lame post, beth. you can do better. it's the dead of august, step it up . . .
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:15AM
@45 how? how was this lame? blow yourself
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:17AM
Salami does not expire.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:17AM
@45...WTF?? "Step it up?" Look who's talking! The only thing you've ever "stepped up to" was a tied cow so you could fuck it!
~The Heckler Heckler
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:18AM
i'm hung like a stallion, not that hard to do, you smelly clam.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:18AM
@47 FTW
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:19AM
#'tax chickwhy don't you comment on you being cluzo'd? what happened? not satisfied? got more than you bargained for? tell us!
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:19AM
@45 bess brings it consistently every fucking day. kill yourself.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:20AM
What kind of challenge is this? Now you throw in a half dozen Slim Jims and then we'll see who's a badass.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:20AM
@41 Absolutely!!! Way to Go and Well Played!!!!
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:22AM
@52 -- get a fuckin life, you undersexed loser.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:23AM
@55 not undersexed, just not a massive bag of mashed up asshole like yourself.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:27AM
@56, beth wouldn't fuck you with barney frank's dick. get over her. go find a new JAP fantasy.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:27AM
Are you saying "Trail's Best Double Salami" is a food product and not a dude ranch initiation ceremony like they told me last July in Colorado?????
~The Forehead Slapper
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:29AM
The dude in the pic above looks a bit "excited" to get started. Just sayin'....
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:30AM
Whats the prize purse for this Herculean feat?
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:31AM
@59 it's the pleats. just sayin'..........
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:31AM
@59 - unlike bernie, it looks like a little wood (not sack) that he's packing. probably an irish boner.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:31AM
@ 59 : looks like poor american tailoring to me
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:41AM
@45 what Beth are you referring to you 'tard?? Is that the name of Kneale's collie? Why don't you make like DK and put some PB on your balls and call the collie over.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:42AM
The hostess pudding pie is going to derail the train on this one.
Is he allowed to crap during the 9 hrs?
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:49AM
@64 -- beth hates you. she told me herself. go find some dyke midget to fuck, you loser.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:49AM
@64 FTW
--- NYSSA guy Eddie
Posted by Formerly FEPWJ , Aug 20, 2009 11:51AM
Seriously, what kind of hedge fund has a vending machine? Jokers...
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 11:52AM
Vol arb bucket shops downtown do
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 12:08PM
this guy is a pussy! a guy onteh NYMEX floor drank 20 beers in 60 minutes, eat that fuck face!!
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 12:26PM
Motivational music:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PG5RUNlxtkA
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 12:40PM
@35, thought I was posting on the other one; I'm an idiot -34
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 1:04PM
Ok...nice warm up....now let the floor challenge him to a refried bean & prune danish chow down.
Posted by aisincl , Aug 20, 2009 1:40PM
Some former contestants at this hedge fund.........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSWaxPpedSU
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 1:41PM
the kid doesn't look fat.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 3:00PM
So is the kid dead or crapping himself silly yet?
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 3:02PM
No, he is up and around. Still working while he does this thing. He has actually hit a 2nd wind. 3.5 hours to go.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 3:03PM
@70 Queens is that way
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 3:05PM
The Cheezits will end him
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 3:13PM
Nah, the Suzy Qs will destroy him. That's the brick wall (Trojan horse, if you may).
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 3:14PM
I'll be a believer when he finishes the Hostess Pudding Pie and the Double Salami
Posted by Tax Chick , Aug 20, 2009 3:18PM
Cheezits done. My money is on the pudding pie!
By my count, this is what is left:
Foxes Refreshing Mint (12 mints)
Foxes Refreshing Mint (12 mints)
Foxes Five Flavor (11 candies)
Ice Breakers (6 sticks of gum)
Snickers
3 Musketeers
Butterfinger
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
Trail's Best Double Salami (2 sticks)
Grandma's Homestyle Cookies (2)
Hostess Pudding Pie
Hostess Suzy Q's
Cheetos
Fritos
Fritos (chili cheese)
Andy Capp's Cheddar Fries
Andy Capp's Cheddar Fries
Wheat Thins Toasted Chips (veggie)
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 3:25PM
cheddar hot fires = death
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 3:26PM
That is correct Tax Chick. We here are all concerned about the Suzy Q's and the pudding pie.
I would like everyone to know, too, that the pudding pie expired 4 days ago, making it that much more difficult/hilarious.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 3:45PM
Is he allowed to eat other foods while chewing the gum?
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 3:47PM
@77 has his work faltered in any way? Has he recommended buying AIG yet? Also, I don't think a pudding pie expiring really changes the flavor at all. It's just that the pie talks smack about you first.
-76
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 4:14PM
@86
On a day AIG is up almost 30%?
I'm not sure that counts as faltering
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 4:23PM
What is the update? Has he puked yet?
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 4:23PM
What is the update? Has he puked yet?
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 4:25PM
I will send Bess an update at 4. No puking yet.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 4:38PM
Update at 5*
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 4:53PM
Does he have to chew each piece of gum individually? Or can it be a massive-ball-type-deal?
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 4:56PM
Well he's almost done with all the mints, they've been helping with increasing appetite/mood/stomach calm. I think he actually wants to chew them individually to hopefully get the same effect.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 4:58PM
This has been going on for far too long... Its not even impressive anymore
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 5:26PM
This is bullshit. Any garden variety fat pig could pull this off in 9 hours.
This whole office must be a bunch of fags.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 5:31PM
@95 "garden variety fat pig"
awesome
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 5:31PM
If you think this is easy, go ahead and step up to the plate buddy.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 5:56PM
This almost makes me wish I didn't start my own fund at such a young age and worked at a shibank where my binging abilities could be appreciated/lucrative, bc i could f'ing smoke these. seriously NOT HARD.
-not a greenwich guy
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 6:10PM
@74 - Check out that guy's subscribers - bbwlover1969.
Posted by guest , Aug 20, 2009 7:03PM
looks like the brits won this one
Posted by guest , Aug 21, 2009 11:54AM
@100 - now way. the brit "challenge" as a whole was still smaller than this failure to reach the goal line. that's no victory.