• 25 Aug 2009 at 10:45 AM

Lenny Dykstra Pays Homage To Jim Cramer By Living In Car

By

dykstratwizzlers.jpgThat’s what he’s telling Jane Wells, anyway. Last night being one of his “sleep days,” LD says he stayed in the lobby of a Westwood hotel. Why isn’t L-Dykes chilling in the mansion he’s been temporarily allowed to stay in after filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy? Apparently his house is uninhabitable. And why would that be? Because our favorite ball player is a smarter than any of you have ever given him credit for, and in a fit of genius one night decided to tear through the place with a bat and a pair of pliers, ripping up floors and doing god knows what with toilets, in an attempt to get insurers to hand over $10 million. I just want you to take a moment and visualize what the scene that resulted in the following was like:

Dykstra says the main house, the one he bought from Gretzky, is riddled with water damage which Dykstra estimates will cost $10 million to repair. The palatial estate is pockmarked with torn up flooring, holes in walls, missing toilets, as inspectors have tried to determine the extent of the problem. Dykstra is also demanding the insurance company make good on its policy to put him up in a temporary residence because he says the house is now unlivable. “I don’t mean to be crude,” he says, “but where do they expect me to (go to the bathroom)?”

Of course, it wouldn’t kill Jim Cramer to make some space for the guy, or at least free up an outhouse, considering his financial troubles are all JC’s fault, but I guess that’d be too much to ask.

Comments (220)

  1. 1
    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 10:47 AM

    $10 million in damages? I’m thinking you could almost rebuild for $10 million.

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    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 10:54 AM

    he looks so regal in that pic

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    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 10:55 AM

    one of the greats.
    -jc

  4. 4
    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 10:56 AM

    Does anyone else get the vibe that we are in the Apocalypse when baseball players offer financial advice and disgruntled investors write sexual tell all books? More importantly, how will these things affect my positions?

  5. 5
    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 10:56 AM

    are those twizzlers???

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    Posted by Seaman Bodine II | August 25, 2009 at 10:56 AM

    I can’t wait for Michael Vick to launch his PE firm.

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    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 10:57 AM

    Somebody has got to find out what he did to those toilets.

  8. 8
    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 10:57 AM

    @4 he’s not offering investment advice anymore.

  9. 9
    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 10:58 AM

    @7 you dont want to know.
    -LD

  10. 10
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    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 11:00 AM

    @8 – He said ‘Financial’ not ‘Investment’…if you’re going to be a douche at least attend to your details.
    …and SW isn’t ‘writing her book anymore’ either. You = UBS.

  12. 12
    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 11:00 AM

    Cramer: Guys like us that work on ranches are the loneliest guys in the world. They ain’t got no family and they don’t belong no place. They got nothin’ to look ahead to…
    Lenny: But not us Cramer. Tell about us.
    Cramer: …well, we ain’t like that Lenny. We got a future. We got somebody to talk to that gives a damn about us. If them other guys gets in jail they can rot for all anybody cares.
    Lenny: But not us, Cramer, because I… see, I got you to look after me, but you got me to look after you.

  13. 13
    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 11:00 AM

    I hate to change browsers, but to comment on this is worth it.
    Bess, your title and the tag are the funniest things I’ve read in the last 24 hours. Keep it up!
    Now get your IT guy to fix the comments input for firefox.
    I’m on a mac.

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    Those twizzlers never get old !

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    Hey – it’s the Big Lar creams his jeans hour! The Druries are better today, although sort of back to uni-boobish.
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    Posted by Perkins Maxwell | August 25, 2009 at 11:03 AM

    Bess–why’s he talking to Jane Wells and not to YOU?

  18. 18
    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 11:06 AM

    @perkins– ive had enough assholes ripped.
    -LD

  19. 19
    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 11:08 AM

    Cramer: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lenny.
    Lenster: What?
    Jimbo: I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.
    Lennarama: What’s that make us?
    Jimmy: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.

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    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 11:14 AM

    Guys, giving my first interview tomorrow and will be sitting down with some kid whose looking to join as an assoc. (which i am) at my pe shop.
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  23. 23
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    @22 how much attention do you think should be paid to the scrot during oral sex? just a nuzzle or full out in the mouth?

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    @22 chick or dick?

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    @22 – ask them to give you the angle of the hands on their watch.

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    @22, 26 here, and when you ask this, make sure to wince when he/she answers and furiously write some notes down.

  32. 32
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    22 – try: “Is it inWestor or inVestor?”?

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    2. What is the square root of 37,000?
    Answer: “192.35, asshole.”
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    Answer: “I made $175 million for my desk last year but my boss said it was a $400 million market, so he laid me off.”
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    Answer: (Subjective…….)

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    @18: actually Nails is into pain. He’d love to be Bess’ little bitch.

  36. 36
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    Lightning round:
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    Ruth Madoff or Sheryl Weinstein?
    Ken Lewis or Vikram Pandit?
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    Vending machine or Subway challenge?
    Having drinks and meatballs with C-Gas or mudwrestling with Meredith Whitney?

  37. 37
    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 11:36 AM

    22 here.
    this is good stuff. keep them coming. might make the interview full of these questions, actually.
    -Long time reader, second-time poster

  38. 38
    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 11:37 AM

    CNBC – Bald guys and hot chicks. All day.

  39. 39
    Posted by guest | August 25, 2009 at 11:38 AM

    Dear Lenny,
    Sorry to hear about the house man – bummer. However, I can’t let you stay with me again. You kinda made everyone feel nervous and weird what with you walking around in your jockstrap and all. Buddy you gotta ease up on the Hubba Bubba and Redman, and you still owe me for that case of Lancers you drank. I guess if you gotta take a dump you can come by – just don’t leave a high floater like last time – that was nasty.
    Your Pal,
    Jimmy

  40. 40
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    @22- why not turn the tables and ask him to come up with an absurd interview question. Everyone is ready to answer how many dishes are in the US, but not too many are preprogrammed to come up with their own questions on the spot.

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    Bernie is so small (“How small is he?”), his dick can fuck a Twizzler!
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    @22
    Tell him to assign each letter of the alphabet a number in the following manner: A=26, B=25, C=24, etc. Then give him one minute to name as many synonyms for “sad” whose sum numerical value is 107 as he can.

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    @22 “cfa or mba”

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    @22 – if you had worked for Bernie and found out about the Ponzi scheme, would you have kept quiet, ratted him out or squeezed him for a piece of it?

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    Lennie said, “George.”
    “Yeah?”
    “I done another bad thing.”

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    I feel for dis guy. He coulda been a contendah, like me.
    CG

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