Lenny Dykstra Pays Homage To Jim Cramer By Living In Car

dykstratwizzlers.jpgThat’s what he’s telling Jane Wells, anyway. Last night being one of his “sleep days,” LD says he stayed in the lobby of a Westwood hotel. Why isn’t L-Dykes chilling in the mansion he’s been temporarily allowed to stay in after filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy? Apparently his house is uninhabitable. And why would that be? Because our favorite ball player is a smarter than any of you have ever given him credit for, and in a fit of genius one night decided to tear through the place with a bat and a pair of pliers, ripping up floors and doing god knows what with toilets, in an attempt to get insurers to hand over $10 million. I just want you to take a moment and visualize what the scene that resulted in the following was like:

Dykstra says the main house, the one he bought from Gretzky, is riddled with water damage which Dykstra estimates will cost $10 million to repair. The palatial estate is pockmarked with torn up flooring, holes in walls, missing toilets, as inspectors have tried to determine the extent of the problem. Dykstra is also demanding the insurance company make good on its policy to put him up in a temporary residence because he says the house is now unlivable. “I don’t mean to be crude,” he says, “but where do they expect me to (go to the bathroom)?”

Of course, it wouldn’t kill Jim Cramer to make some space for the guy, or at least free up an outhouse, considering his financial troubles are all JC’s fault, but I guess that’d be too much to ask.

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220 Responses to “Lenny Dykstra Pays Homage To Jim Cramer By Living In Car”

  1. guest says:

    $10 million in damages? I’m thinking you could almost rebuild for $10 million.

  2. guest says:

    he looks so regal in that pic

  3. guest says:

    one of the greats.

  4. guest says:

    Does anyone else get the vibe that we are in the Apocalypse when baseball players offer financial advice and disgruntled investors write sexual tell all books? More importantly, how will these things affect my positions?

  5. guest says:

    are those twizzlers???

  6. Seaman Bodine II says:

    I can’t wait for Michael Vick to launch his PE firm.

  7. guest says:

    Somebody has got to find out what he did to those toilets.

  8. guest says:

    @4 he’s not offering investment advice anymore.

  9. guest says:

    @7 you dont want to know.

  10. Seaman Bodine II says:

    It would be very cool, though, if Donald Trump put Nails on his next reality TV show, Celebrity RIA.
    Dysktra Long Only Asset Allocation
    Wu-Tan Investments
    UBS Global Asset Management

  11. guest says:

    @8 – He said ‘Financial’ not ‘Investment’…if you’re going to be a douche at least attend to your details.
    …and SW isn’t ‘writing her book anymore’ either. You = UBS.

  12. guest says:

    Cramer: Guys like us that work on ranches are the loneliest guys in the world. They ain’t got no family and they don’t belong no place. They got nothin’ to look ahead to…
    Lenny: But not us Cramer. Tell about us.
    Cramer: …well, we ain’t like that Lenny. We got a future. We got somebody to talk to that gives a damn about us. If them other guys gets in jail they can rot for all anybody cares.
    Lenny: But not us, Cramer, because I… see, I got you to look after me, but you got me to look after you.

  13. guest says:

    I hate to change browsers, but to comment on this is worth it.
    Bess, your title and the tag are the funniest things I’ve read in the last 24 hours. Keep it up!
    Now get your IT guy to fix the comments input for firefox.
    I’m on a mac.

  14. guest says:

    @7 no shit

  15. Prime Brokerage Dude says:

    Those twizzlers never get old !

  16. guest says:

    Hey – it’s the Big Lar creams his jeans hour! The Druries are better today, although sort of back to uni-boobish.
    CNBC must have imposed a dress code on her with respect to The Cleave.
    Free the Druries! Free the Druries!

  17. Perkins Maxwell says:

    Bess–why’s he talking to Jane Wells and not to YOU?

  18. guest says:

    @perkins– ive had enough assholes ripped.

  19. guest says:

    Cramer: Before you die there is something you should know about us, Lenny.
    Lenster: What?
    Jimbo: I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.
    Lennarama: What’s that make us?
    Jimmy: Absolutely nothing! Which is what you are about to become.

  20. guest says:

    @5 “are those twizzlers??”
    no, they’re candy flavored dildos.

  21. guest says:

    @20 fuck you whore

  22. guest says:

    Guys, giving my first interview tomorrow and will be sitting down with some kid whose looking to join as an assoc. (which i am) at my pe shop.
    I need to ask a few absurd questions…got any good ones to add to my arsenal?

  23. guest says:

    @22 how much attention do you think should be paid to the scrot during oral sex? just a nuzzle or full out in the mouth?

  24. guest says:

    Lenny Dykstra. I’d molest that.
    Dennis Kneale

  25. guest says:

    @22 chick or dick?

  26. guest says:

    @22, try this: If you could be a Power Ranger, which one would you be?

  27. turd_ferguson says:

    I have odds on Nails new tell all book about intimate affairs with JC. He will also go down the it was very small and thin but I did climax road.

  28. guest says:

    @22 – how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

  29. guest says:

    @22 – at what cup size does a handbridge become unnecessary?

  30. guest says:

    @22 – ask them to give you the angle of the hands on their watch.

  31. guest says:

    @22, 26 here, and when you ask this, make sure to wince when he/she answers and furiously write some notes down.

  32. guest says:

    22 – try: “Is it inWestor or inVestor?”?

  33. guest says:

    @22 can wear the scream mask, when I do you from behind? the mask from scream?

  34. guest says:

    @22: Here’s some…..
    1. An associate is rummaging around a managing director’s desk one night and finds a million dollars in $20 bills. What should he do?
    Answer: “Credit sales, debit cash.”
    2. What is the square root of 37,000?
    Answer: “192.35, asshole.”
    3. You get laid off as a trader and have to explain why to a potential new employer in an interview. What is the best excuse for such an event?
    Answer: “I made $175 million for my desk last year but my boss said it was a $400 million market, so he laid me off.”
    4. Ask the potential associate this question in reverse role-playing: OK associate, my colleague Jack and I had a bad year. You, Mr. Associate have to reduce the headcount. Do you lay me or Jack off?
    Answer: (Subjective…….)

  35. Perkins Maxwell says:

    @18: actually Nails is into pain. He’d love to be Bess’ little bitch.

  36. guest says:

    @22 –
    Erin Burnett, Becky Quick, or Mandy Drury. You have to f*#k one, marry one, and kill one. Go!
    Lightning round:
    BofA or Wachovia?
    Ruth Madoff or Sheryl Weinstein?
    Ken Lewis or Vikram Pandit?
    Pool party with Barney Frank or
    Hot tub with Maxine Waters?
    Vending machine or Subway challenge?
    Having drinks and meatballs with C-Gas or mudwrestling with Meredith Whitney?

  37. guest says:

    22 here.
    this is good stuff. keep them coming. might make the interview full of these questions, actually.
    -Long time reader, second-time poster

  38. guest says:

    CNBC – Bald guys and hot chicks. All day.

  39. guest says:

    Dear Lenny,
    Sorry to hear about the house man – bummer. However, I can’t let you stay with me again. You kinda made everyone feel nervous and weird what with you walking around in your jockstrap and all. Buddy you gotta ease up on the Hubba Bubba and Redman, and you still owe me for that case of Lancers you drank. I guess if you gotta take a dump you can come by – just don’t leave a high floater like last time – that was nasty.
    Your Pal,

  40. guest says:

    @22- why not turn the tables and ask him to come up with an absurd interview question. Everyone is ready to answer how many dishes are in the US, but not too many are preprogrammed to come up with their own questions on the spot.

  41. guest says:

    Bernie is so small (“How small is he?”), his dick can fuck a Twizzler!

  42. guest says:

    Tell him to assign each letter of the alphabet a number in the following manner: A=26, B=25, C=24, etc. Then give him one minute to name as many synonyms for “sad” whose sum numerical value is 107 as he can.

  43. guest says:

    @22 “cfa or mba”

  44. guest says:

    @22 – if you had worked for Bernie and found out about the Ponzi scheme, would you have kept quiet, ratted him out or squeezed him for a piece of it?

  45. guest says:

    Tits Cabrera stepping it up today! Good Cleave!

  46. NakedShort says:

    Golf shirts, hats, fleeces now on the Handbridge Capital Store

  47. guest says:

    Lennie said, “George.”
    “I done another bad thing.”

  48. guest says:

    I feel for dis guy. He coulda been a contendah, like me.

  49. EvilBuzzard says:

    To quote Shekky Green. “Lenny came from a broken family. Too bad he broke most of it himself.”

  50. guest says:

    Ya see this? See this here? Instead of buying 100 shares of GE for $1300, i buy 10 call options and conrol 100 shares. All for $70.
    One if the great ones.
    -J to the C

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