Yesterday Sheryl Weinstein, the woman writing a book about being screwed by Bernie Madoff, informed us that contrary to popular belief, Berns ain't packin'. She stopped short of going into greater detail, presumably because she's got a plan to milk this thing through Labor day. What we're looking at is a long slow build up that will involve us waking each morning to learn another fact about Bernie's D that we won't be able to unlearn, hard as we try, until she shoots her load in our face sometime around September 7. Here's today's offering:
"Bernie had a very small penis," she writes. "Not only was it on the short side, it was small in circumference. That he was now pointing it out to me was telling. It clearly caused him great angst. I wanted to be careful how I responded. Men and their penises have a strange and unique relationship."
Oh, but don't worry about the Invisible D preventing B from getting the job done. Weinstein, horrifically, goes on. "I liked this man and didn't want to emasculate him," she said. "His tiny penis hadn't prevented me from climaxing." Tomorrow: cock-bush, yea or nay? I don't think it's out of the realm of possibility Sheryl's going to tell us.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:37AM
I knew it!
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:38AM
sometimes when the lights were off and I was drunk I couldn't tell if it was his D or one finger.
-SW
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:39AM
very uncomfortable reading this
Posted by turd_ferguson , Aug 19, 2009 9:41AM
Tomorrow from SW:
I used the hand bridge and lots of lube but Little Bern couldn't titty fuck me. That also did not prevent me from climaxing. FYI I did climax. Did you guys know I climaxed? Just sayin.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:42AM
tags please
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:42AM
Sheryl Weinstein was notorious for her bacterial vaginosis back when she worked at Hadassah. My brother worked there. "No douchbags in my office!" they use to say.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:45AM
@4 nice
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:48AM
Jewish guys always have small penises.
Jessie JAP
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:48AM
A bit ironic that Madoff's sons, little Madoffs, are probably just that...
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:48AM
@8 wrong
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:48AM
@9 i was thinking about the boys too...this can't bode well for them.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:50AM
you want to talk about "tiny"? your FBs were so tiny I needed an HB to TF them, whore.
-B
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:51AM
he needs the patented "Fisher Cock Shim" - very helpful in these situations.
Or so i have heard...
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:51AM
what does she do when she WANTS to emasculate a guy?
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:52AM
Ron Jeremy is a Jew - fuckhead.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:55AM
This definitely qualifies as TMI
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:56AM
@15 - So?
Quant Genius
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:57AM
@16 ya fuckin think? this woman is of the chains insane.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:57AM
@15 Rule...meet exception.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:57AM
@4 ftw
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:57AM
Jewish guys have small penises? Not from what I have seen.
Dennis Kneale
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:59AM
so what's up with the pic then? was he wearing a cup?
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:59AM
This . . . is . . . frightening. What can this woman possibly be thinking?
I really want a press release from BM in prison detailing her saggy, mole-covered tits, unshaven, matted afro-bush, and huge, sloppy, "wizard sleeves" va-jay-jay.
This could be a press battle the likes of which have never been seen before.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:01AM
Alright. So what's in the UMich sweats then, smart ass?
-Tobasco Thomas
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:03AM
@23 me too
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:04AM
23,
For real. Bernie: FIGHT THE POWER! You've got nothing to lose, and much to gain.
-Zuth Nadolf
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:04AM
Madoff minimally mangles massive meatcurtains moving miniscule missile
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:10AM
Bess - this post was hilarious.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:12AM
@ 6 is right. Heard this angry old wench reeks of decomposing scrod at low tide
Poor B-mades probably couldn't get it up in that environment
Posted by Clown Capital , Aug 19, 2009 10:16AM
No wonder why he married Ruth. As tiny as she is, I bet every cringe she made when he hit the sweet spot made him think he was HUGE...
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:17AM
Kosher beef bus to tuna town.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:18AM
@27 - Bernie's bitty binky barely breaches babe's big bushy box
-Alliteration Andy
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:23AM
I heard he's hung like a menorah.
Dennis Kneale
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:24AM
The actual Post headline:
DICKLESS BODY FOUND IN HEARTLESS TWAT
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:27AM
Ponzi's puny penis poorly penetrates putrid petrified pussy.
Posted by Becky Boot Fan , Aug 19, 2009 10:28AM
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:29AM
I heard he has the stamina of 8 collies pulling a sleigh full of bricks.
-Dennis Kneale
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:29AM
its amazing that he had any dick left at all after dipping if for many years in those jewish acid tar pits..
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:31AM
Ever smell 3 day old lox that has been sitting in a car with the windows shut during the summer? Yeah, welcome to my world.
Bernsy
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:31AM
thank you Bess
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:31AM
Bernie's Boner barely brushes Bitch's bushy, brackish baby basket
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:35AM
Mulva?
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:38AM
Bess, length or girth?
Discuss.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:39AM
Me and Bernie used to ass bang... FYI I'm a dude....
Pay me
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:39AM
Me and Bernie used to ass bang... FYI I'm a dude....
Pay me
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:39AM
Me and Bernie used to ass bang... FYI I'm a dude....
Pay me
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:40AM
@43 everyone knows girth is more important than length.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:41AM
47 = short, short man.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:41AM
Me and Bernie used to ass bang... FYI I'm a dude....
Pay me
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:43AM
huuuuuuge vagina
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:44AM
If Bernie used to ass bang with someone...for my own information..would that someone be a dude?
And if that someone is a dude, should that dude be payed?
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:46AM
Don't pay the gay dude.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:47AM
@48- I didn't say length wasn't important, I said girth was more important. as long as it's an average length, ladies care more about it scraping the sides.
-47/chick
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:49AM
@53 is correct
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:50AM
Bess, can we get some japanes style pixelation on the mamel toe pic. Let berns retain some dignity.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:51AM
@ 53, I wish Sheryl had cared more about scraping the barnacles off the sides.
Berns
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:51AM
"ladies care more about it scraping the sides."
I love this site.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 10:53AM
the tags on this one are hilarious
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 11:12AM
"ladies care more about it scraping the sides"???!!!!
I just vomited all over myself and proceeded to scrape down my girth using an electric sander.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 11:21AM
"ladies care more about it scraping the sides."
Wizard's sleeves!
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 11:23AM
I cannot wait to read the book; although I am afraid that Bloomberg and the Daily News picked off all the juicy parts.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 11:33AM
'Weinstein’s husband was bullying and emotionally abusive."
Translation: he dong-slapped her.
“'On the bright side,' she concluded, because of its size, 'oral sex would be a breeze.'”
Tomorrow: Berns' eta: over/under 30 seconds.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 11:34AM
Scraping?
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 11:43AM
@14-
This, she does this, call it a twofer in today's breaking news. From the article
"Bullying Husband
Where Weinstein’s husband was bullying and emotionally abusive..."
She may be the single most unsympathetic Madoff "victim" of them all. I am really struggling not to type the C word here because I loathe it so, but she deserves it.
Sometimes I just loathe bitches and I'm a female.
OK, fine. She's a fucking cunt. There, I feel a tiny bit better now, excuse me, I need a shower. Ugh.
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 11:43AM
It felt big in my mouth while I was blowing him all of the time
-BIG ED
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 11:44AM
It felt big in my mouth while I was blowing him all of the time
-BIG ED
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 11:57AM
Yet another example of the finest journalist in the finance gig. Excellent work, Bess, as usual.
So, what's the diff between an Italian American Princess and a JAP?
The IAP has fake pearls, but real orgasms.
Perhaps Gasparino can verify.
Pfluger
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 12:03PM
@67 BL's has real O's...
-someone who'd know/not CG
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 12:09PM
@68
Not all Jewish girls = JAPs. Nearly 100% in Manhattan, but not all, and certainly not our humble, but brilliant correspondant, BL.
BTW, Need verification of the girth > length theory mentioned above.
- Pfluger/former Wall Streeter/ IAP lover
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 1:41PM
@ 65 - yeah how'd that feel , BIG ED?? you were so far up his arse!! and for what: to have him steall all your money in the end. "HAHA"!
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 1:41PM
@ 65 - yeah how'd that feel , BIG ED?? you were so far up his arse!! and for what: to have him steall all your money in the end. "HAHA"!
Posted by guest , Aug 19, 2009 9:25PM
I am cursed with a dick/ball ratio higher than my implied sharpe ration
_bern_dog
Posted by guest , Aug 25, 2009 6:20PM
where`s the hubby?