Yesterday Sheryl Weinstein, the woman writing a book about being screwed by Bernie Madoff, informed us that contrary to popular belief, Berns ain’t packin’. She stopped short of going into greater detail, presumably because she’s got a plan to milk this thing through Labor day. What we’re looking at is a long slow build up that will involve us waking each morning to learn another fact about Bernie’s D that we won’t be able to unlearn, hard as we try, until she shoots her load in our face sometime around September 7. Here’s today’s offering:
“Bernie had a very small penis,” she writes. “Not only was it on the short side, it was small in circumference. That he was now pointing it out to me was telling. It clearly caused him great angst. I wanted to be careful how I responded. Men and their penises have a strange and unique relationship.”
Oh, but don’t worry about the Invisible D preventing B from getting the job done. Weinstein, horrifically, goes on. “I liked this man and didn’t want to emasculate him,” she said. “His tiny penis hadn’t prevented me from climaxing.” Tomorrow: cock-bush, yea or nay? I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility Sheryl’s going to tell us.
I knew it!
sometimes when the lights were off and I was drunk I couldn’t tell if it was his D or one finger.
-SW
very uncomfortable reading this
Tomorrow from SW:
I used the hand bridge and lots of lube but Little Bern couldn’t titty fuck me. That also did not prevent me from climaxing. FYI I did climax. Did you guys know I climaxed? Just sayin.
tags please
Sheryl Weinstein was notorious for her bacterial vaginosis back when she worked at Hadassah. My brother worked there. “No douchbags in my office!” they use to say.
@4 nice
Jewish guys always have small penises.
Jessie JAP
A bit ironic that Madoff’s sons, little Madoffs, are probably just that…
@8 wrong
@9 i was thinking about the boys too…this can’t bode well for them.
you want to talk about “tiny”? your FBs were so tiny I needed an HB to TF them, whore.
-B
he needs the patented “Fisher Cock Shim” – very helpful in these situations.
Or so i have heard…
what does she do when she WANTS to emasculate a guy?
Ron Jeremy is a Jew – fuckhead.
This definitely qualifies as TMI
@15 – So?
Quant Genius
@16 ya fuckin think? this woman is of the chains insane.
@15 Rule…meet exception.
@4 ftw
Jewish guys have small penises? Not from what I have seen.
Dennis Kneale
so what’s up with the pic then? was he wearing a cup?
This . . . is . . . frightening. What can this woman possibly be thinking?
I really want a press release from BM in prison detailing her saggy, mole-covered tits, unshaven, matted afro-bush, and huge, sloppy, “wizard sleeves” va-jay-jay.
This could be a press battle the likes of which have never been seen before.
Alright. So what’s in the UMich sweats then, smart ass?
-Tobasco Thomas
@23 me too
23,
For real. Bernie: FIGHT THE POWER! You’ve got nothing to lose, and much to gain.
-Zuth Nadolf
Madoff minimally mangles massive meatcurtains moving miniscule missile
Bess – this post was hilarious.
@ 6 is right. Heard this angry old wench reeks of decomposing scrod at low tide
Poor B-mades probably couldn’t get it up in that environment
No wonder why he married Ruth. As tiny as she is, I bet every cringe she made when he hit the sweet spot made him think he was HUGE…
Kosher beef bus to tuna town.
@27 – Bernie’s bitty binky barely breaches babe’s big bushy box
-Alliteration Andy
I heard he’s hung like a menorah.
Dennis Kneale
The actual Post headline:
DICKLESS BODY FOUND IN HEARTLESS TWAT
Ponzi’s puny penis poorly penetrates putrid petrified pussy.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.
I heard he has the stamina of 8 collies pulling a sleigh full of bricks.
-Dennis Kneale
its amazing that he had any dick left at all after dipping if for many years in those jewish acid tar pits..
Ever smell 3 day old lox that has been sitting in a car with the windows shut during the summer? Yeah, welcome to my world.
Bernsy
thank you Bess
Bernie’s Boner barely brushes Bitch’s bushy, brackish baby basket
Mulva?
Bess, length or girth?
Discuss.
Me and Bernie used to ass bang… FYI I’m a dude….
Pay me
Me and Bernie used to ass bang… FYI I’m a dude….
Pay me
Me and Bernie used to ass bang… FYI I’m a dude….
Pay me
@43 everyone knows girth is more important than length.
47 = short, short man.
Me and Bernie used to ass bang… FYI I’m a dude….
Pay me
huuuuuuge vagina
If Bernie used to ass bang with someone…for my own information..would that someone be a dude?
And if that someone is a dude, should that dude be payed?
Don’t pay the gay dude.
@48- I didn’t say length wasn’t important, I said girth was more important. as long as it’s an average length, ladies care more about it scraping the sides.
-47/chick
@53 is correct
Bess, can we get some japanes style pixelation on the mamel toe pic. Let berns retain some dignity.
@ 53, I wish Sheryl had cared more about scraping the barnacles off the sides.
Berns
“ladies care more about it scraping the sides.”
I love this site.
the tags on this one are hilarious
“ladies care more about it scraping the sides”???!!!!
I just vomited all over myself and proceeded to scrape down my girth using an electric sander.
“ladies care more about it scraping the sides.”
Wizard’s sleeves!
I cannot wait to read the book; although I am afraid that Bloomberg and the Daily News picked off all the juicy parts.
‘Weinstein’s husband was bullying and emotionally abusive.”
Translation: he dong-slapped her.
“’On the bright side,’ she concluded, because of its size, ‘oral sex would be a breeze.’”
Tomorrow: Berns’ eta: over/under 30 seconds.
Scraping?
@14-
This, she does this, call it a twofer in today’s breaking news. From the article
“Bullying Husband
Where Weinstein’s husband was bullying and emotionally abusive…”
She may be the single most unsympathetic Madoff “victim” of them all. I am really struggling not to type the C word here because I loathe it so, but she deserves it.
Sometimes I just loathe bitches and I’m a female.
OK, fine. She’s a fucking cunt. There, I feel a tiny bit better now, excuse me, I need a shower. Ugh.
It felt big in my mouth while I was blowing him all of the time
-BIG ED
It felt big in my mouth while I was blowing him all of the time
-BIG ED
Yet another example of the finest journalist in the finance gig. Excellent work, Bess, as usual.
So, what’s the diff between an Italian American Princess and a JAP?
The IAP has fake pearls, but real orgasms.
Perhaps Gasparino can verify.
Pfluger
@67 BL’s has real O’s…
-someone who’d know/not CG
@68
Not all Jewish girls = JAPs. Nearly 100% in Manhattan, but not all, and certainly not our humble, but brilliant correspondant, BL.
BTW, Need verification of the girth > length theory mentioned above.
- Pfluger/former Wall Streeter/ IAP lover
@ 65 – yeah how’d that feel , BIG ED?? you were so far up his arse!! and for what: to have him steall all your money in the end. “HAHA”!
@ 65 – yeah how’d that feel , BIG ED?? you were so far up his arse!! and for what: to have him steall all your money in the end. “HAHA”!
I am cursed with a dick/ball ratio higher than my implied sharpe ration
_bern_dog
where`s the hubby?
AVC0xZ Thanks so much for the article. Much obliged.