Opening Bell: 08.04.2009

BAC Hit By Fine Over Merrill (WSJ)
BAC’s having to shell out $33MM after settling a civil suit brought against the company (neither admitted nor denied) tied to the Merrill bonus pool. Impressively, the complaint had just been filed Monday, and was focused on proxy documents sent to shareholders of both companies for the vote on takeover.
UBS Loss Widens To $1.32B (WSJ)
The Zurich based firm best known for its strict measures to safeguard client data has widened its loss in the second quarter due to, as it claims, restructuring efforts.
Google’s Schmidt Quits Apple Board (FT)
“Mr Schmidt’s departure comes three months after the US Federal Trade Commission started an investigation into multiple directorships, and days after the US Federal Communications Commission launched a review of its own into why Apple had blocked a Google application from working on its iPhone.”
AIG Finds CEO Replacement (FT)
The embattled and embittered company has filled the CEO role with none other than MetLife’s Benmosche. We wish Mr. Benmosche all the best in his role, and can only hope the US Government shows him the respect they allowed Mr. Liddy.
Goldman’s Blankfein Tells Employees To Reel It In (NY Post)
The idea being the company is facing a bit of a PR crunch, Blankfein is asking the ‘ites to refrain from blowing their wad on useless high profile shit. Needless to say, there’s going to be that one guy who, post heist, buys the Lamborghini and leads the Feds right back to the hideout. Or given the address, a dozen midget hookers and a kilo of ibogaine. Your Call.
Clinton Hits North Korea In Rescue Mission (Bloomberg)
Former President Bill Clinton is in N. Korea to aid in the release of the two journalists captured infiltrating the motherland. If successful, it’s a long trip home. Good luck ladies.
Kaupthing Leak Exposes Loans (Telegraph)
It appears that just before the bank lost its ass and relegated an entire country to indentured serfdom it paid out billions in loans to its largest shareholders.

Comments (43)

  1. Posted by Seaman Bodine II | August 4, 2009 at 7:33 AM

    the douche on the bull was filming a movie
    i don’t know what’s lamer, having to read that somewhere else, of the fact that it wasn’t real

  2. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 7:41 AM

    what is lamer?
    - douche on the bull
    - greg
    - calling yourself seaman bodine II

  3. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 7:46 AM

    UBS svcks.

  4. Posted by american bandersnatch | August 4, 2009 at 7:46 AM

    Bill Clinton’s plane trip home will make Todd Thompson look like a minor leaguer. Our malaise is over and America is back!

  5. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 7:47 AM

    @3 nice

  6. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 7:50 AM

    from BBC World News a minute ago, Quote:
    “Other banks are starting to post profits but not UBS”
    Yep, they suck donkey balls.

  7. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 7:52 AM

    Was this opening bell written by Bess? It’s pretty darn tight.

  8. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 8:04 AM

    re UBS
    The big American banks are back to minting money, the big Europeans are making money, even Citi faked positive numbers. Not UBS. No, they had a ‘wider’ loss.
    UBs sucks.

  9. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 8:36 AM

    A gold-plated scrot is not useless high profile shit. It says, “I am Golden Scrot.”

  10. Posted by NAS Keflavik boi | August 4, 2009 at 8:43 AM

    @9 – i thought it meant “gold man-sacks”
    “Seaman Bodine” is a perfectly respectable handle as any aficionado of early Pynchon knows.

  11. Posted by Investorcluzo | August 4, 2009 at 8:47 AM

    @7 – not so fast buddy (and I’m not your pal). if bessy had written the open she would have cited the post article, not an article referencing the post….
    http://www.nypost.com/seven/08042009/news/regionalnews/goldman_princes_told__spend_like_paupers_182904.htm

  12. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 8:47 AM

    When they found Carbone in the meat truck, he was frozen so stiff it took them three days to thaw him out for the autopsy.
    -Blankfein narrates

  13. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 8:49 AM

    20 mg of ibogaine last night but here I am. Still hooked.

  14. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 8:50 AM

    @12
    I’ll go get the paper, get the paper.

  15. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 8:54 AM

    Good old Benmosche, still sleeping with his Head of HR?

  16. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 8:55 AM

    @12 That’s the first thing I thought of when I read the Goldman blurb

  17. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 8:58 AM

    William, I love you but it’s suit not suite in the BAC article.

  18. Posted by William Richards | August 4, 2009 at 9:03 AM

    @Cluzo, @17 – Fixed, thanks.

  19. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 9:03 AM

    @11- Ok, I’ll shoot for Anal_yst under one of EP’s pseudonyms. How’s that?
    PS. I’m not your buddy, Dude.

  20. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 9:04 AM

    Are Bess and CG eloping or something?

  21. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 9:08 AM

    dealbreaker team — any sign of an uptodaye hsbc hedgeweekly pdf?

  22. Posted by Investorcluzo | August 4, 2009 at 9:09 AM

    @18 – thx billy. well done.

  23. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 9:12 AM

    @10
    being an aficionado of Pynchon sucks more than UBS
    you heard it here first.

  24. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 9:16 AM

    @23
    Suck my dick, shit ass!
    -Pynch

  25. Posted by NakedShort | August 4, 2009 at 9:17 AM

    Whats the over/under on the amount of fraud that has taken place in the “Cash for Clunkers” Program? 350 million? 400 million?

  26. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 9:21 AM

    @24
    Suck my ass, fuck face!
    -Guest

  27. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 9:25 AM

    26 = Don DeLillo

  28. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 9:38 AM

    I am always happy to see your posts.
    I know that you’re not likely to the same about mine.

  29. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 9:41 AM

    Seaman Bodine II

  30. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 9:53 AM

    @29
    ..sucks donkey cock

  31. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 9:55 AM

    UBS is the new killin it

  32. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 10:03 AM

    How are asians and jews so smart?

  33. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 10:35 AM

    #27,
    The name is Dom DeLillo.
    Dom. With an “m”.
    K?

  34. Posted by Tax Chick | August 4, 2009 at 10:42 AM

    @33 – FAIL

  35. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 10:53 AM

    After Lufthansa, Jimmy, who has instructed everyone to not attract attention and act normal, is tense about their ostentatious, flashy spending without his approval: “Don’t buy anything. Don’t get anything. Nothing big. Didn’t you hear what I said?…you’re going to get us all f–kin’ pinched, that’s why. What are you, stupid?”

  36. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 11:18 AM

    @35 – @12 here. Well done. That was the quote I was looking for, just couldn’t find it exact. So I went with the after math.

  37. Posted by Seaman Bodine II | August 4, 2009 at 11:32 AM
  38. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 11:44 AM

    @2- ‘lamest,’ as you were choosing from among three. Lamer if you were choosing between two.
    /GP

  39. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 12:24 PM
  40. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 1:23 PM

    With regards to GS, can’t help thinking about the ‘luftansia heist’, lol
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lgLaY9BiAo&feature=PlayList&p=0674370B4A6CEB9A&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=43

  41. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 2:04 PM

    @ 32- Did you just graduate from high school or something? you don’t come across as an intelligent person. And if you do atually work, then I feel bad for your employer. He has an idiot working for him.

  42. Posted by Seaman Bodine II | August 4, 2009 at 2:29 PM

    @41
    answer the question

  43. Posted by guest | August 4, 2009 at 4:45 PM

    @41 So how are they???
    - 32

Leave a comment

You can log in with your account or comment as a guest below.