It is true, with the MDs either in the South of France with a touch of the vay-cay, in Como trying desperately to sell the summer villa, or negotiating with Cuomo for that last chance at freedom, August is typically a slow month in finance. Fortunately, a close friend and associate of Dealbreaker has agreed to break the monotony, and pick up the pace.
The Anal_yst, much known and much loved has elected to throw down the gauntlet and revive the long-standing Dealbreaker tradition: The Vending Machine Challenge. Go Anal_yst. We're looking forward to pictures.
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 4:58PM
Holy Christ, the day's not even over and you're already desperate for posts.
Posted by Investorcluzo , Aug 03, 2009 4:58PM
anal_yst - don't do this bro. they always end one way: epic fail. step away from the ledge!
ep - please clean this up, present and past tenses in the same sentence! c'mon now.
and first b1tches!
Posted by Investorcluzo , Aug 03, 2009 5:00PM
damn you @1...
btw, I'm not sure who jumped the shark first.
Posted by Equity Private , Aug 03, 2009 5:00PM
Got it, thanks Cluzo.
Posted by Tax Chick , Aug 03, 2009 5:03PM
Sorry Cluzo, not first. But you are right to note that Anal is about to go over the edge and that EP threw this one out a little too fast. At least things are getting a bit more interesting around here.
An Anal, my love... pictures or it didn't happen.
Posted by Tax Chick , Aug 03, 2009 5:05PM
"And", not An.. before you all jump on me!
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:06PM
Gonna be a long two weeks...
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 03, 2009 5:09PM
Lets slow down here and re-read the comment I left on the last post lest any of us (myself included) makes any hastily, soon-to-be-regrettable decisions...
I'm not explicitly against some sort of "challenge," per se, however, it wouldn't be 'till later in the week when I'm feeling better, don't wanna jump into a contest already well-below 100% and whatnot.
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:11PM
Go anal!!
You know what I mean
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:11PM
more classic Hahnicana:
http://dealbreaker.com/2007/05/dealbreakers-partpuzzler-2007.php
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:11PM
360-degree fail today.
Posted by Tax Chick , Aug 03, 2009 5:12PM
@9 FTW
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:14PM
Anal_yst stop being a bitch and man the fuck up
Hell, I think I could do a vending machine in less time than you could.
No, I'm certain of it.
-Comfortably Smug
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:15PM
is smoking dope b/t innings allowed? is it byobud or is there a caddy to help?
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:18PM
Next Equity Private Post: Tax Chick to Take the Blumpkin Challenge!
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:21PM
i see unpopped popcorn and cup of noodles...i predict fail
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:23PM
We anal you until you scream "EEEEEEEEEEEEST". You pompous piece of ..., Greg.
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:24PM
@8
With close friends like that you don't need enemies. You've got set up man. Who's next in line, one-two?
Now lets see some pics, and identify the outfit you work for while at it. These challenges need witnesses, you know.
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:24PM
blumpkin? omg.
I was about to ask if we have another DB love match going here ala our the famed girl-1-2 event but, that just took my breath away
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:30PM
What happened to Bess?
Posted by Investorcluzo , Aug 03, 2009 5:30PM
@anal - you little tease. that's like a girl inviting you up to her apartment for a drink; then she gives you a drink. wtf, you're better than that. seriously, are you going to let @comfortably call you out like that?
@19 - anyone seen blndebanker lately?
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:31PM
If you want to make it a REAL challenge, you may want to consider staying true to your pseudonym and attempting the vending machine challenge in reverse (that is, eating with your ass)
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:34PM
@cluzo no I haven't, but I'm sure wherever she is she's wearing high heels and a smile right now
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:36PM
No one who actually works in finance would say that August is a slow month in finance. It must just be a slow month in financial journalism, given how long the myth has endured.
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:38PM
Was anyone else long KFN and BX?
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:38PM
This is a well-stocked vending machine. Between the gardettos, funyuns, bugles and famous amos cookies..it looks pretty great.
Posted by Pay It Forward , Aug 03, 2009 5:38PM
Anal_yst, you just got called out in a Dealbreaker post. Either you sack the f*ck up and rise to the occasion, or you slink away, forever condemning your name to be used in place of "bushleague" or "Jefferies."
Don't make me write an entry for Anal_yst into the Urban Dictionary.
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:40PM
EP jumped the Whale Shark.
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:40PM
@24 you obviously havent spent much time on a trading desk in your life
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:44PM
My money is on a couple of the gas and power traders at JPMVEC (f/k/a Bear Energy). They would out perform ANYBODY in New York.
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:44PM
My money is on a couple of the gas and power traders at JPMVEC (f/k/a Bear Energy). They would out perform ANYBODY in New York.
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:44PM
all this talk of girl and keith hahn is making me feel old. I cant believe I've be reading this website since ... 2006?
woah. I have stolen literally hundreds of thousands of dollars over that time from my employer in terms of wasted time I could have been doing real work instead of reading Dealbreaker
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 03, 2009 5:44PM
1. Nowhere did I volunteer,
2. Thanks, EP, much appreciated (not)!
3. @ 18 now you know that's not going to happen, any of it;
4. For sh*ts & giggles (mostly the former, let's be honest), I just checked out the vending machine, freshly-stocked, and can say with 100% confidence there is no way in hell I could take that sucker down, even if I were masochistic-enough to give it a go (which I'm not, if it wasn't astoundingly obvious by this point).
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 5:45PM
Traders go home at 4pm anyway. But any area that isn't directly tied to the market (e.g., M&A) is a total clusterfuck in August. It usually turns out to be one of the worst months of the year.
Posted by wcburrs87 , Aug 03, 2009 5:47PM
Screw the vending machine challenge, I dare you to eat 100 F3's.
Snickers Ad Manager
Posted by Last Man Standing , Aug 03, 2009 5:51PM
Are those Jays potato chips in that pic? Anal, you're in Chicago? Or maybe Cleveland or Milwaukee? Can't get Jays around here (NYC)
Posted by wcburrs87 , Aug 03, 2009 5:54PM
E3 - my bad.
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 6:02PM
@36 you think EP went to his office and snapped a photo of his actual vending machine?
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 6:08PM
Who are you people?
Posted by Phobos , Aug 03, 2009 6:11PM
@Tax
"An Anal, my love... pictures or it didn't happen."
That's just so wrong on so many different levels.
Posted by Investorcluzo , Aug 03, 2009 6:12PM
@last - jays, huh? anal is def in nyc.
@38 - it's possible that he could have sent the pic to ep (remember, he sent the pics from the nyse protest in the rain)
@39 - you must be a summer intern? this is adult swim. nothing to see here, move along.
I'm calling for cuomo to lead an investigation on this post. it's an out-and-out fraud! no one is taking ownership of said challenge. talk about a provocateur...
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 6:14PM
Glondor, king of squisha squisha, say gwaa gwaa on all ye plumb smugglers.
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 03, 2009 6:16PM
@ Tax Chick
I like where @Phobos is going with this...
now THAT is a challenge I am 100% ready to dominate!
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 6:16PM
what do you mean 'you people'?
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 6:17PM
WTF? Why does everybody have a handle? Did you b*stards kill guest?
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 6:51PM
Though my challenge to Anal_yst has been refused, my open challenge stands. In fact as part of my application towards the All Dealbreaker Under 30 team, I contacted Bess and offered to show up to Dealbreaker HQ (yes they have an office, this isn't some bush league nymag daily intel shit) and do their vending machine while letting the website document it.
I would also be open to going taco for taco at Vamos during all you can eat taco happy hour on Mondays, or all you can eat/drink free slice of pizza with each shot purchased at Pizza Pub in Gramercy.
Oh well, at least I've gained some notoriety the old fashioned way- a cease and desist from PTJ's people for releasing Trader.
Your daddy,
Comfortably Smug
P.S. I still rock a 32" waist with this monster appetite. It's all about wanting it. Pain is just weakness leaving the body.
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 6:54PM
Most anal piece from Greg yet.
Posted by Investorcluzo , Aug 03, 2009 7:12PM
@comfortably - you are indeed smug. I'm many years your senior and I'm "rockin' a 30" waist;" let’s talk after you’ve paid your dues with a few more years of late nights in the office and long meetings with bad food – we’ll see if 32 is 36 or 38 by then. I digress. I'm not quite sure anal has "officially" refused your challenge.
pizza and shots, hmmmmm - I believe our dear friend anal could make that happen - what day were you thinking? as his manager* I'd be happy to set that up (loser pays).
*unofficial
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 03, 2009 7:39PM
@Smug
Challenges requiring an iron stomach are not my strong suit, much to my chagrin, however, I'm open to other ideas, e.g. my proposed "feats of strength vs. Gasporino" idea from a few weeks back.
Also, Cluzo says if I lose (possible, although unlikely) he's covering my losses 110%.
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 7:58PM
No mention of the nymex trader who drank 20 beers in an hour last week? Dealbreaker you are slipping!
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 7:58PM
@Investorcluzo
Anal_yst sent me his surrender via twitter for the vending machine challenge.
The Pizza Pub challenge is a whole new dimension of pain. To my knowledge and according to the staff, I am the lone four time Bar Fight- Double Double champion (A Bar Fight being a Jagerbomb chased with an Irish Car Bomb which is then followed by two slices of pizza earned for the two shots). I did it four times in one sitting and didn't hurl.
-Comfortably Smug
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 8:11PM
@ 24- "No one who actually works in finance would say that August is a slow month in finance" I disagree. I work for a commodities trading company and the summer months are slower.
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 8:22PM
@52 that's because you got laid off in June
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 8:30PM
52 here- Oh really, I got laid off. Since when?
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 8:31PM
53- Oh really, I got laid off. Since when?
52
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 8:32PM
@ 34- I work for a trading company and the traders go home at 6:30-7pm
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 8:58PM
Oh really?
Posted by guest , Aug 03, 2009 9:26PM
"Go Anal_yst" should be "Go forth Anal_yst"
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 03, 2009 9:59PM
@Smug
That bomb/bomb/pizza^2 challenge sounds delicious, although something that is not to be attempted on a school night, as I imagine it'd be multiple rounds, as your story mentions
Posted by guest , Aug 04, 2009 6:23AM
this is all so lame it makes me cry
Posted by guest , Aug 04, 2009 6:36AM
@60 I have an empty closet and a nylon rope for you. It's a high quality rope - won't snap.
Posted by Investorcluzo , Aug 04, 2009 7:54AM
@anal/smug - sounds like we need a pre-jitney face off (I'm assuming you'd leave your car in the hamps before this one)...friday the 14th?
Posted by guest , Aug 04, 2009 8:57AM
@44
what do YOU mean "You people"
Posted by guest , Aug 04, 2009 10:53AM
you know, the blacks, the jews, the gays, and the irish
Posted by guest , Aug 04, 2009 11:55AM
The gauntlet has been laid and I shall take it up. I don't have a vending machine here though. So... suggestions?
-Bitchern
Posted by guest , Aug 04, 2009 2:39PM
Friday the 14th is doable
comfortablysmug@gmail.com
Posted by guest , Aug 07, 2009 4:40PM
@66
You mom is doable.