It is true, with the MDs either in the South of France with a touch of the vay-cay, in Como trying desperately to sell the summer villa, or negotiating with Cuomo for that last chance at freedom, August is typically a slow month in finance. Fortunately, a close friend and associate of Dealbreaker has agreed to break the monotony, and pick up the pace.
The Anal_yst, much known and much loved has elected to throw down the gauntlet and revive the long-standing Dealbreaker tradition: The Vending Machine Challenge. Go Anal_yst. We’re looking forward to pictures.
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Holy Christ, the day’s not even over and you’re already desperate for posts.
anal_yst – don’t do this bro. they always end one way: epic fail. step away from the ledge!
ep – please clean this up, present and past tenses in the same sentence! c’mon now.
and first b1tches!
damn you @1…
btw, I’m not sure who jumped the shark first.
Got it, thanks Cluzo.
Sorry Cluzo, not first. But you are right to note that Anal is about to go over the edge and that EP threw this one out a little too fast. At least things are getting a bit more interesting around here.
An Anal, my love… pictures or it didn’t happen.
“And”, not An.. before you all jump on me!
Gonna be a long two weeks…
Lets slow down here and re-read the comment I left on the last post lest any of us (myself included) makes any hastily, soon-to-be-regrettable decisions…
I’m not explicitly against some sort of “challenge,” per se, however, it wouldn’t be ’till later in the week when I’m feeling better, don’t wanna jump into a contest already well-below 100% and whatnot.
Go anal!!
You know what I mean
more classic Hahnicana:
http://dealbreaker.com/2007/05/dealbreakers-partpuzzler-2007.php
360-degree fail today.
@9 FTW
Anal_yst stop being a bitch and man the fuck up
Hell, I think I could do a vending machine in less time than you could.
No, I’m certain of it.
-Comfortably Smug
is smoking dope b/t innings allowed? is it byobud or is there a caddy to help?
Next Equity Private Post: Tax Chick to Take the Blumpkin Challenge!
i see unpopped popcorn and cup of noodles…i predict fail
We anal you until you scream “EEEEEEEEEEEEST”. You pompous piece of …, Greg.
@8
With close friends like that you don’t need enemies. You’ve got set up man. Who’s next in line, one-two?
Now lets see some pics, and identify the outfit you work for while at it. These challenges need witnesses, you know.
blumpkin? omg.
I was about to ask if we have another DB love match going here ala our the famed girl-1-2 event but, that just took my breath away
What happened to Bess?
@anal – you little tease. that’s like a girl inviting you up to her apartment for a drink; then she gives you a drink. wtf, you’re better than that. seriously, are you going to let @comfortably call you out like that?
@19 – anyone seen blndebanker lately?
If you want to make it a REAL challenge, you may want to consider staying true to your pseudonym and attempting the vending machine challenge in reverse (that is, eating with your ass)
@cluzo no I haven’t, but I’m sure wherever she is she’s wearing high heels and a smile right now
No one who actually works in finance would say that August is a slow month in finance. It must just be a slow month in financial journalism, given how long the myth has endured.
Was anyone else long KFN and BX?
This is a well-stocked vending machine. Between the gardettos, funyuns, bugles and famous amos cookies..it looks pretty great.
Anal_yst, you just got called out in a Dealbreaker post. Either you sack the f*ck up and rise to the occasion, or you slink away, forever condemning your name to be used in place of “bushleague” or “Jefferies.”
Don’t make me write an entry for Anal_yst into the Urban Dictionary.
EP jumped the Whale Shark.
@24 you obviously havent spent much time on a trading desk in your life
My money is on a couple of the gas and power traders at JPMVEC (f/k/a Bear Energy). They would out perform ANYBODY in New York.
My money is on a couple of the gas and power traders at JPMVEC (f/k/a Bear Energy). They would out perform ANYBODY in New York.
all this talk of girl and keith hahn is making me feel old. I cant believe I’ve be reading this website since … 2006?
woah. I have stolen literally hundreds of thousands of dollars over that time from my employer in terms of wasted time I could have been doing real work instead of reading Dealbreaker
1. Nowhere did I volunteer,
2. Thanks, EP, much appreciated (not)!
3. @ 18 now you know that’s not going to happen, any of it;
4. For sh*ts & giggles (mostly the former, let’s be honest), I just checked out the vending machine, freshly-stocked, and can say with 100% confidence there is no way in hell I could take that sucker down, even if I were masochistic-enough to give it a go (which I’m not, if it wasn’t astoundingly obvious by this point).
Traders go home at 4pm anyway. But any area that isn’t directly tied to the market (e.g., M&A) is a total clusterfuck in August. It usually turns out to be one of the worst months of the year.
Screw the vending machine challenge, I dare you to eat 100 F3′s.
Snickers Ad Manager
Are those Jays potato chips in that pic? Anal, you’re in Chicago? Or maybe Cleveland or Milwaukee? Can’t get Jays around here (NYC)
E3 – my bad.
@36 you think EP went to his office and snapped a photo of his actual vending machine?
Who are you people?
@Tax
“An Anal, my love… pictures or it didn’t happen.”
That’s just so wrong on so many different levels.
@last – jays, huh? anal is def in nyc.
@38 – it’s possible that he could have sent the pic to ep (remember, he sent the pics from the nyse protest in the rain)
@39 – you must be a summer intern? this is adult swim. nothing to see here, move along.
I’m calling for cuomo to lead an investigation on this post. it’s an out-and-out fraud! no one is taking ownership of said challenge. talk about a provocateur…
Glondor, king of squisha squisha, say gwaa gwaa on all ye plumb smugglers.
@ Tax Chick
I like where @Phobos is going with this…
now THAT is a challenge I am 100% ready to dominate!
what do you mean ‘you people’?
WTF? Why does everybody have a handle? Did you b*stards kill guest?
Though my challenge to Anal_yst has been refused, my open challenge stands. In fact as part of my application towards the All Dealbreaker Under 30 team, I contacted Bess and offered to show up to Dealbreaker HQ (yes they have an office, this isn’t some bush league nymag daily intel shit) and do their vending machine while letting the website document it.
I would also be open to going taco for taco at Vamos during all you can eat taco happy hour on Mondays, or all you can eat/drink free slice of pizza with each shot purchased at Pizza Pub in Gramercy.
Oh well, at least I’ve gained some notoriety the old fashioned way- a cease and desist from PTJ’s people for releasing Trader.
Your daddy,
Comfortably Smug
P.S. I still rock a 32″ waist with this monster appetite. It’s all about wanting it. Pain is just weakness leaving the body.
Most anal piece from Greg yet.
@comfortably – you are indeed smug. I’m many years your senior and I’m “rockin’ a 30″ waist;” let’s talk after you’ve paid your dues with a few more years of late nights in the office and long meetings with bad food – we’ll see if 32 is 36 or 38 by then. I digress. I’m not quite sure anal has “officially” refused your challenge.
pizza and shots, hmmmmm – I believe our dear friend anal could make that happen – what day were you thinking? as his manager* I’d be happy to set that up (loser pays).
*unofficial
@Smug
Challenges requiring an iron stomach are not my strong suit, much to my chagrin, however, I’m open to other ideas, e.g. my proposed “feats of strength vs. Gasporino” idea from a few weeks back.
Also, Cluzo says if I lose (possible, although unlikely) he’s covering my losses 110%.
No mention of the nymex trader who drank 20 beers in an hour last week? Dealbreaker you are slipping!
@Investorcluzo
Anal_yst sent me his surrender via twitter for the vending machine challenge.
The Pizza Pub challenge is a whole new dimension of pain. To my knowledge and according to the staff, I am the lone four time Bar Fight- Double Double champion (A Bar Fight being a Jagerbomb chased with an Irish Car Bomb which is then followed by two slices of pizza earned for the two shots). I did it four times in one sitting and didn’t hurl.
-Comfortably Smug
@ 24- “No one who actually works in finance would say that August is a slow month in finance” I disagree. I work for a commodities trading company and the summer months are slower.
@52 that’s because you got laid off in June
52 here- Oh really, I got laid off. Since when?
53- Oh really, I got laid off. Since when?
52
@ 34- I work for a trading company and the traders go home at 6:30-7pm
Oh really?
“Go Anal_yst” should be “Go forth Anal_yst”
@Smug
That bomb/bomb/pizza^2 challenge sounds delicious, although something that is not to be attempted on a school night, as I imagine it’d be multiple rounds, as your story mentions
this is all so lame it makes me cry
@60 I have an empty closet and a nylon rope for you. It’s a high quality rope – won’t snap.
@anal/smug – sounds like we need a pre-jitney face off (I’m assuming you’d leave your car in the hamps before this one)…friday the 14th?
@44
what do YOU mean “You people”
you know, the blacks, the jews, the gays, and the irish
The gauntlet has been laid and I shall take it up. I don’t have a vending machine here though. So… suggestions?
-Bitchern
Friday the 14th is doable
comfortablysmug@gmail.com
@66
You mom is doable.