Yes, yes. Everything is good in the world. Except that banks have been quietly sucking wind for quite some time and their collective instability is daunting. Sez Bloomberg:
More than 150 publicly traded U.S. lenders own nonperforming loans that equal 5 percent or more of their holdings, a level that former regulators say can wipe out a bank’s equity and threaten its survival.
The number of banks exceeding the threshold more than doubled in the year through June, according to data compiled by Bloomberg, as real estate and credit-card defaults surged. Almost 300 reported 3 percent or more of their loans were nonperforming, a term for commercial and consumer debt that has stopped collecting interest or will no longer be paid in full.
Expect great things in future from Friday FDIC announcements.
Toxic Loans Topping 5% May Push 150 Banks to Point of No Return [Bloomberg]
According to her lawyer, yes! It’s like this, see. If Ruth had no idea that her husband was getting HJ’s on the reg, ass-cuppage on the reg, and just skanks in general on the reg, it’s probably indication that she had no idea about his screwing investors on the reg, as opposed to the theory that he told her everything.
Ruth Madoff, who has been married to Mr. Madoff for almost 50 years, knew nothing about the “alleged affair,” said Peter Chavkin, her lawyer. While that, unfortunately, will not ease the pain of the people destroyed by the Madoff fraud, he continued, the allegation “stands as a powerful reminder, to those who say Ruth must have known of her husband’s criminal scheme, that there are some things that some spouses — however close they are — do not share with each other.”
British thespian Carey Mulligan, left, will apparently be playing the love interest of ShiBeouf (and daughter of Gordon Gekko) in Money Never Sleeps. Josh Brolin is yet to accept the role of the “evil” short-seller, after it was turned down by Javier Bardem in a move that left the hedge fund industry reeling, as it was lobbying hard for an actor that could pull off a bowl cut (such as this guy, still waiting for an offer). Also up for grabs is the minor (/major) part of Biff Basness, who Gekko meets on the inside and with whom he starts an underground cock fighting league. If you’ve got any suggestions, let’s hear ‘em.
Madoff Man Dodges Drug, Gun Charges (NYP)
Attention to anyone intimately involved in the Madoff scam yet to confess– do it and the feds will promise not to go after you on stuff like “”use of controlled substances” and possessing illegal firearms. Frank DiPascali knows what we’re talking about.
Merrill Ramps Up Recruitment Program (FT)
Industry recruiters and people within the company say Merrill Lynch Global Wealth Management is offering signing bonuses of 140 percent of the previous 12 months’ “production” to lure top advisers, and another 200 per cent over the next five years if the advisers hit aggressive growth targets. “That’s more than they’ve ever offered,” said one recruiter. “It’s huge.”
Blackstone’s Schwarzman Tops Best-Paid Chiefs With $702 Million (Bloomberg)
The package for Schwarzman included $2.3 million of compensation and almost $699.8 million from the vesting of one- quarter of the equity granted as he took the firm public at $31 a share in 2007.
Pimco’s Bill Gross Pays $23 Million in California (WSJ)
The bayfront Newport Beach manse, which had been listed for $26 million, includes a 1979 Georgian home of 11,000 square feet with nine bedrooms and 12 baths all of which Billiam plans to tear down.
Krawcheck Buys $1 Million Bank Of America Stock (Reuters)
Another round for everyone, says Ken Lewis, still down at the bar celebrating Paulson getting on board this bitch.
Airlines to Require More Passenger Data (WSJ)
Please have your sperm samples ready before boarding.
Dollar Dominatrix Acquires Broker-Dealer (Reuters)
Meredith Whitney: “We are excited to complete the acquisition of the broker-dealer in such a timely manner. This acquisition will broaden the scope of our services and capabilities to our clients greatly and we look forward to this new addition to the platform.” Now, administer the testicle clamps!
Tax-Cheat Showdown: Fess Up or Stay Quiet? (WSJ)
Would you come clean on your own or risk being exposed by the authorities and having to sully TurboTax’s good name on CSPAN, as a for instance?
I bet a lot of you probably thought Hank Paulson, like Charlie Gasparino, was busy penning the definitive book on this crisis. So busy in fact, that he didn’t have time address questions regarding being in bed with Goldman while Treasury Secretary. Well think again, fools, ’cause we were straight up lied to. Heidi Moore reports:
Daily Intel has confirmed that Paulson’s memoirs are being written by Michael Carroll, an award-winning financial journalist who until recently was the editor of Institutional Investor.
Carroll is known as a talented wordsmith, a writer with a literary bent and a penchant for the more vivid portrayals of Wall Street’s personalities when they had the kind of swagger and importance that’s often missing from today’s armies of besuited bankers filing into Wal-Mart megabanks. He is often skeptical and more than a little cutting in his metaphors; in December 2007, as the credit crisis was settling in, he compared Wall Street’s refusal to bend to reality to the hubris of Norma Desmond, the fictional star of Sunset Boulevard. We attempted to contact him for this story, but like Paulson, Carroll doesn’t use e-mail. Wouldn’t matter, anyway: According to Paulson’s office, Carroll is busy writing and unavailable to comment.
I know this looks bad, but so long as we don’t find out he had someone else write the lyrics to his latest album, it’s something we’re prepared to forgive.
First of all, what the hell is France doing emerging from recession anything other than 4 years too late? Who authorized that waiver?
Second, Germany is not allowed to prosper at the expense of the rest of Europe again ever. What part of that memo was unclear, exactly?
Germany and France achieved a shock return to economic growth in the second quarter of the year, ending their recessions earlier than many policymakers and economists expected, but failed to drag the euro zone with them.
German gross domestic product rose by 0.3 percent in the second quarter, bringing an end to the country’s deepest recession since World War Two.
French GDP also grew by 0.3 percent in the second quarter. The consensus in a Reuters poll of economists had predicted a 0.3 percent quarterly contraction in both countries.
How was it done?
Kidnap executives and hold them for ransom (pay hikes). Note: If German, talk about “bossnapping,” but do nothing. Last thing we need is another Simon Wiesenthal snooping around here). Still even the French shouldn’t do too much gloating as they totally stole the idea from the Americans:
Cash for Clunkers. Germany’s two-fer, keeping autoworkers busyworked and and consumers spending like the missiles are already flying. What better way to perpetual motion the system than using taxpayer dollars to subsidize the purchase by taxpayers of taxpayer dollar produced automobiles?
“Invest in Green.” (That is, make everything more expensive to bring the relative cost of “going green” in line with the umwelt schmutzig alternatives and create thousands of busywork jobs for unskilled labor installing government certified insulation panels).
Brilliant!
Germany and France Exit Recession [Reuters]
[via BI]
Things took a decidedly ugly turn today when Erin Burnett stuck pins in a “Vikram doll” in some sort of voodoo hex, spell, whatever. I don’t know if this was an attempt on CNBC’s part to actively take down Citi (how do you think they eliminated Bear?) or just some sick joke, but listen toots: Vickles exists for tickles, and, when he’s been keeping up the weight, squeezing in such away that he emits the most adorable elfin’ giggle. Not for this shit.
Sort of, though it could be a trap. Let’s back the Zamboni up for a sec. If you asked us yesterday whether or not we thought enough time had passed that Papa Bear would be cool with you bringing up the whole on-site sex change operation that went down at SAC a couple years back, we would’ve said say, well, that depends on whether or not you’re cool with having your junk placed in a deep fryer. If yes, proceed. Charlie Gasparino is apparently more than okay with the idea of having a crispy drumstick, which would explain his eagerness to broach the subject last night (in addition to the booze, obviously).
We’re told by the Campagnola’s moles we’re now friends with after introductions by the local yokel were made that Chaz was dining and doing deals at the restaurant last night, like he does, as was Big Poppa, with, among others, Bo Dietl (for reasons unknown but possibly to see if he could get an in with Stephen Baldwin, who played BD in One Tough Cop: The Bo Dietl Story). Gaspo being “friends” with Dietl, went over to say hello. He wasn’t planning on interrupting Stevie, who was feasting on a piece of veal, but Bo nudged the Big Guy and asked “Hey Steve, you know Charlie, right?” As you’re aware, Chazza is not generally starstruck, he being a big ball of gas himself, but in that moment, he could barely speak. Sensing that this would be his one chance to tell the BG something he’d been dying to get off his chest, CG pulled it together and said, “I gotta tell ya, the best scoop I ever had was that story about your traders feeding each other da hormone pills.”
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Warren Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway Inc. underestimated the risks of falling stock prices to its billions of dollars of derivatives bets, yet still believes it is valuing the contracts fairly.
Noooo, get out!
Berkshire revealed its error in a June 26 letter to the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission, one of several pieces of correspondence with the regulator about the company’s annual report, and made public on Thursday.
We tend to think that these options get overblown, and that the oracle deserves a bit of room on these issues. Seriously, the guy could slip a sexually suggestive comment into a cub scout dinner and no one would even notice. What could a few harmless options do? What more could you want from a finance guy?
Jeffrey Epstein, put your hand down!
