That’s right, ladies, Nails hath taken us for a ride. Earlier today we noted that LD, in a fit of genius, had ripped the toilets out and pissed on the walls of his Sherwood mansion in an attempt to get an insurance company to hand over $10 million or whatever they’ve got in their wallets, since he has no money. He also demanded that they give him a place to stay in the meantime, as he’s been living like a hobo, claiming that he spent the night on Sunday in the lobby of the Westwood Hotel. And when he did that, he lied to us. Because I have time on my hands, and none of you are making any news happen, I called up the front desk to get a little more color on the matter, and find out what LD looks like when he’s sleeping (soundly, like (someone with the mind of a) child without a care in the world, or violently, like someone whose dreams are haunted by Jim Cramer?). I was transferred to a fellow who was on duty that night and he told me that LD was full of shit. “He definitely didn’t stay here. Security never would’ve allowed that….though he might’ve been spotted loitering for a few hours before being asked to leave.” Sounds about right, and also like a total crock. It’s pretty incredible to think that we can’t trust the guy, at this stage in the game. Despite this upset, we’re willing to overlook things, if LD promises to take us up on the offer to write a weekly column on private planes (and tell us what he did with the missing toilets). Finally, if any one has some leads on where he actually was Sunday, let us know. A meth lab? On the set of a new porno called “Sonic And Nails“? Wherever one would go to pawn off Jon Kruk’s testicle? He needs to be held accountable.
Archive for August 2009
According to a recent study, people are happier in poverty than facing foreclosure. Close to 1 out of every 2 people struggling to find somebody to modify their mortgage needs a serious pick-me-up.
Researchers at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine questioned 250 homeowners going through foreclosure in Philadelphia and found that 47 percent showed symptoms of depression, with 37 percent exhibiting signs of major depression. The rate was especially high considering previous research showed that only about 12.8 percent of people living in poverty were depressed, the study found.
However, for those worried that there won’t be a white knight to help them keep their home, help is on the way. The bank that Fox-Pitt Kelton analyst David Trone said could lose up to $68.6 billion through 2010 stemming from bad loans, Citi, is adding 1400 people to its mortgage unit to expand its book of delinquent borrowers. So cheer up people, Vikula has got you covered.
Very supposedly layoffs are planned to go down “some time this week, possibly as early as today” at DE Shaw. Apparently, not to worry, the cuts “will not affect any A-team players. This is just a cutting of fat.” Given that the firm went through axings as recently as June (“a result of efficiency right-sizing analysis”) we’re skeptical. If you (David) know anything, let us know.
Earlier: Diabolical Genius At DE Shaw
The Beard may be coming back for a second tour of duty but, as proven yesterday, that doesn’t mean people will listen to him. Chief District Judge Loretta Preska of the federal court in Manhattan decided that despite the warnings from the Fed that allowing disclosure of companies and securities that received some form of government safety net would lead to “imminent competitive harm”, she would rather sit back and see some more evidence.
“The board essentially speculates on how a borrower might enter a downward spiral of financial instability if its participation in the Federal Reserve lending programs were to be disclosed,” she wrote. “Conjecture, without evidence of imminent harm, simply fails to meet the board’s burden.”
So after trillions of dollars in losses and damage to the global economy partially attributable to a lack of foresight by central banks and regulatory bodies, the message federal judges want to send is prevention is a bad thing. Either that or the judge wants to see if the Beard can save the day again.
What a gift! Also, she claims Bernie “didn’t know how to deal with the intimacy,” and feigns being bashful at the end, sort of implying that the interviewer is being inappropriate when he asks what it was like kissing the Ponz Master, as though she hasn’t discussed,* among other things, girth.
*AND WRITTEN A BOOK ABOUT.
Obama to Reappoint Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke (WSJ)
Another term for The Beard! The President credits Benji with “pulling the economy back from the brink of depression,” according to Rahm-bo.
Regulators To Examine Goldman’s Trade Tips (WSJ)
The SEC and FINRA supposedly intend to look into Goldman’s weekly “huddles” to look as though they give a shit to people who think there’s something illegal about giving bigger clients preferential treatment.
Allen Stanford Must Stay In Jail (Reuters)
Sir Stan and his lawyer are not happy about this turn of events, telling the judge: “Allen Stanford deserves to be released and needs to be released in order to effectively assist in his own defense.” And also, you know, to escape.
Woman Is Charged in a Ponzi Scheme Involving Professional Football Players (NYT)
Think of the canines: “Federal prosecutors have charged a woman who once advised Michael Vick and several other football players with stealing $3 million from eight victims in a Ponzi scheme. Prosecutors say the woman, Mary Wong, worked out of her Omaha home and purported to sell investments in luxury properties in Arizona, Tennessee and Michigan along with private jets and other investments. Vick sued Ms. Wong in January, seeking to recover at least $2 million from her…According to Vick’s lawsuit, Ms. Wong persuaded Vick to give her power of attorney, putting her in control of his finances, but did not disclose the sanction she received from the New York Stock Exchange for depositing a customer’s money into her personal bank account.”
Ex-Merrill Exec Sues BofA Over Departure (Reuters)
Bob McCann would like to take a job at a new firm but some people are saying he didn’t give “a good enough” reason when he left BAC/MER in January, other than, “this place is a shithole.”
Ten Years Of Putinomics (FT)
All of them topless.
BofA: SEC’s Merrill Charges Were In Error (NYP)
“The very premise” of the SEC’s complaint “is fundamentally in error,” the bank said in documents submitted yesterday to US District Court Judge Jed Rakoff of the Manhattan federal court, who has blasted the SEC’s pact with BofA.
$$$ Chanos: Short Big Pharma [BI]
$$$ Citadel’s Lehman Loss [Reuters]
$$$ Senator Assails S.E.C. and Urges Broad Overhaul [Dealbook]
$$$ BofA’s saga over Merrill bonuses continues [The Deal]
You guys, I can’t even with this woman. The book’s out tomorrow, so just accept that we’re going to be relentlessly pounded with anecdotes like the following for at least another 24-72 hours, culminating with a no-holds barred interview/demo on CNBC conducted by Mark Haines and whichever random tourists outside the stock exchange are willing.
[Sheryl Weinstein writes that] Madoff had a penis so small that “it would fit easily inside the opening of a single-serving honey jar” that sits on a hotel room service breakfast tray.
PW Review: ‘Madoff’s Other Secret: Love, Money, Bernie, and Me’ [PW]
If a recent survey of 250 CEOs of large companies is any indication, the Pay Czar’s machete is going to be getting a lot of use. The study found the median spending on “all other compensation” increased by 7.5% during the past two years. While those that receive perks are apparently really making them count, fewer CEOs overall are getting access to the good stuff.
- Possibly switching to the newly purchased corporate yacht, only 68.8 percent of companies offered personal use of corporate aircraft, compared to 76.4 percent in 2007;
- Following the lead of our Treasury Secretary, tax-preparation services fell from 68 percent to 57.2 percent; and
- To make their homes more affordable for sale, home security systems fell from 37.2 percent to 30.4 percent.
Exclusive Report: Perks Still Common, Despite Economy [Compliance Week]
Afraid that the rally in pharma might come to an end soon, the President’s Council of Advisers on Science and Technology did their part today to keep the ball rolling. By putting out a report certain to avoid inducing panic that says that up to 1 out of every 2 Americans will be inflected with the virus, the White House can claim credit for any renewed interest in the makers of swine flu vaccine. The next campaign for this crew- ‘How Being Alive May Kill You’.
‘Cause that’s the kind Bernie has, according to Journal which will not allow itself or brother from another mother, the Post, to be made a fool.
We wrote the below post earlier today, under the headline “Bernie Madoff is Dying of Cancer.” Since then, the Bureau of Prisons has issued a vague statement saying “the article in the New York Post is inaccurate,” though the Bureau has not indicated what about the Post article is inaccurate. We checked back in with our source, who reiterated that Madoff does, in fact, have a “serious” form of cancer, though the source could not confirm that it was life threatening. Of course, we’ll let you know what we get as the story unfolds.
