Forget Congress or any other official in government. When it comes to a truly frightening force with an axe to grind with short-term traders, look no further than Mark Cuban. Fresh off the SEC putting their house in order to possibly take another crack at proving its insider trading case again him, the man who has been fined around $1.5 million by the NBA for persistently screaming that he is right and those who have the authority for policing the game are wrong, has a new target.

“Our government doesn’t know the difference between an investor and a speculator or trader. If we did, we would understand that we should tax the trader/speculator more heavily than the investor…The government should raises taxes significantly on profits from short term capital gains on the sale of public stocks, indexes, commodities, futures held for 24 hours or less and extend the length of time required to qualify for long term capital gains and reduce the tax rate on long term gains.”

This coming from somebody who doesn’t know the difference between being an owner and being a coach/ref/teammate/mascot- sounds about right.
Let’s drain profits from traders, Mark Cuban says [LA Times]
Earlier: The Proposal To Bring Back Buy-And-Hold

According to Chaz, something’s eating away at former Citigroup consigliere Bobby Rubin. Something that absolutely torments him. Tears him up inside. Prevents him from getting a solid 8 hours. Gives him indigestion. Moment’s pauses. Could it have something to do with the sticky economic situation he might’ve had a hand in getting us into? Sort of but not really. The problem, Gaspo reports, isn’t that simple. Rubes knows he didn’t do anything wrong. His conscience is clear, and when he strips naked and roles around in the pile of hundos Vikram delivers to his home office each week even though a delivery guy could do it, Bob doesn’t think, man, I fucked some shit up hardcore. What does get to him, though, is that he knows it’s what everyone is thinking. Wrongly, yes, but they’re still thinking it.

It’s that blame that Rubin can’t seem to shake; in fact it’s becoming more intense as the one year anniversary of the financial crisis’s most turbulent period approaches. And as the debate about Rubin’s culpability grows among the chattering classes, people who know Rubin say this debate is also growing inside his head. Rubin has been privately wrestling with his role as senior adviser to former Citi CEOs Sandy Weill and Chuck Prince when the risk taking began (and reached immense proportions), and falling back on the fact that he didn’t have “operating responsibilities,” meaning he had authority but no direct responsibility to manage those risk takers.
Even among his peers on Wall Street, who revered him for so long, there is a general belief that Rubin is fairly culpable for the Citigroup implosion that led to a massive government bailout. This general belief, even among people who consider themselves friends, is what keeps Rubin up at night, according to people who know him. “Bob feels pretty strongly that what happened at Citi wasn’t his fault,” says one associate. “He also knows that he faces an uphill battle changing people’s opinion about the matter.”

And then you’ve got your pissants at the Post to deal with.

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It turns out AIG head honcho Robert Benmosche’s statement that “My first charge is to get the company to operate at the level it used to operate, being the world’s best” wasn’t quite accurate. Before he gets around to that, and more in line with his admission that “I’m not going to rush to do this”, Benmosche was out repairing AIG’s image by carefully selecting grapes for his beloved Croatian wine near his villa.

Mother Russia has never been afraid to do things her own way. Most recently, the Finance Ministry decided that governments who have been spending copious amounts of time and effort trying to curtail tax evasion have it dead wrong and are taking a different approach. To encourage economic growth by allowing people to spend their money instead of handing it over to the government, the Finance Ministry has backed a multifaceted plan from the Duma to withhold criminal charges for first time tax evaders and raise the evasion amounts that would qualify for criminal charges for repeat offenders.

For individuals, the criminal charges for major tax evasion would rise to 500,000 rubles unpaid (if the percentage of unpaid taxes is more than 10 percent of the overall sum) or up to 1.5 million rubles ($47,000). Massive tax evasion would be up to 2.5 million rubles (when 20 percent is unpaid) or 7.5 million rubles ($234,000).

At least one government is getting serious about reducing the tax burden on its people.
Finance Ministry Backs Tax-Evasion Changes [Moscow Times]

We’re still working out the aesthetics but circa tomorrow, you will be able to purchase an HB for TF’ing on the following items:
* beer mug
* beer stein
* business cards
* polo shirt (sans tits)
* hat
* mouse pad
* magnet
* fleece (no t’s)
* neck tie (no t’s)
* postage stamp
* t shirt (with tits)
* t shirt (no t’s)
* tote bag
* coffee mug,
* poster
* skateboard,
* BBQ apron
Update:
* key chain
* Keds
* Bumper sticker

Presumably part of the reason for the pay upgrade for the new AIG CEO is to cover his duties as company therapist. The $7 million man, Robert Benmosche, is making it known that the abuse AIG employees have suffered at the hands of the Treasury, the Fed, the pink ladies, and pretty much everybody else needs to end.

“I’m appalled at how much pressure has been put on all of you to just sell it no matter what, because the Fed wants out, or the Treasury wants out. If they want out in a hurry, they shouldn’t have come in in the first place.”

As much as the Beard would love to have that one back, the fact is AIG is still among the living and their workers need to purge themselves of the pain of the past couple years for them to focus on the task at hand. And what better way to clear their conscience than some couch time with the man at the top.

“It’s time the people in Congress stopped talking about you as the problem, because you’re the solution,” he said. “It’s not your fault, it’s their fault, it’s the regulators’ fault.”

So people, stop dreaming about becoming a shepherd and get back to what you do best- infuriating the free world by allocating bailout money to oversized compensation packages.
Benmosche Tells AIG Workers He’ll Rebuild Units Before Sales [Bloomberg]

An analyst, late 20′s, at a hedge fund that shall remain nameless on Park is currently attempting to best this morning’s showing out of Great Britain, i.e. successfully completing a spread of candy and other assorted snacks without throwing up with minutes to go. He has 9 hours to eat 40 items (full accounting after the jump), which strikes us as an exceedingly long period of time but the bar has been set extremely, embarrassingly low. Started 15 minutes ago, so far has housed both packs of Ho-Ho’s and all the Lay’s chips.
Update: I’ve been informed that the contestant does not have to swallow the gum (he has to chew each piece for 2 minutes), and also asked to noted that the bulk of these items “have been expired for 1-2 months.”
Update II: Done: Lays, Doritos, De-lish-us Cheese Popcorn, both bags of pretzels, Cheez-Its, Baby Ruth, Twix, Beanut M&Ms, both sets of Ho-Hos, and a pack a mints. Says, “My stomach knows what I’m doing. There is no sneaking up on this one.”
Update III: Done: T.G.I. Fridays Potato Skins, both bags of Krunchers! Kosher Dill, reg. M&Ms, Reese’s NutRageous, and the Famos Amos cookies. “His pace is troublesome, and he has a long battle ahead of him.”
Update IV: Left: Chili Cheese Fritos, Veggie Wheat Thins, Original Fritos, Cheetos, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Hostess Pudding Pie, Suzy Q’s, Ice Breakers gum.
Update V: Threw in the towel 35. Left was: Suzy Qs, both Fritos, Cheetos, and Pudding Pie.

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Cityfile reports the joyous news that after months of relentless bitching from the wife, five girls and former investors over their lives being ruined ’cause he had to do business with that dick, Walter Noel has finally been able to get some me-time in out at the Sebonack Golf Club in Southampton. His game’s pretty much for shit but surely he’ll be able to step it up during his sabbatical from the investing gig (though it may be brief, as we’ve heard the world’s greatest son-in-law has been able to secure some Colombian drug money for the new shop).

Bernanke, a Hero to His Own, Can’t Shake Critics (NYT)
Those bastards in Congress won’t get off his ass but on the bright side the Beard was able to attend his son’s wedding and get home in time for dinner a few times in the past couple months.
London always finds a way to shell out for bonuses (Telegraph)
According to headhunters, “guaranteed bonuses are increasingly being abused.” Since the Financial Services Authority outlawed multi-year guarantees but said it would tolerate those for a single year, “guarantees have come back in fashion,” one recruitment consultant said. “People are being offered amazing guarantees.”
SEC Plays Keep-Up in High-Tech Race (WSJ)
The regulator is trying to “take a close look at flash quotes, high-frequency trading and other dark corners of the stock markets” but really has absolutely no idea what it’s doing, if Mary Schapiro can be totally honest.
Switzerland Selling UBS Stake After U.S. Tax Accord (Bloomberg)
You get a little bad press re: breaking the law and all of a sudden no one wants anything to do with you.
Bear Stearns Exec Ignored Conflict Warnings (Reuters)
Probably too busy getting high. No, but seriously: Ralph Cioffi apparently “routinely ignored warnings of potential conflicts of interest, and was rebuffed when he tried to pledge some money toward a loan to build a luxury Florida condominium.”
Ind. money manager sentenced for Fla. plane crash (AP)
Marcus Schrenker gets four years, cries. “To this day I cannot believe I could do something so reckless and selfish,” he told U.S. District Judge Roger Vinson on Wednesday. “I believe a divine force gently put the aircraft down in the swamp. It is my hope the residents of Milton feel my pain. If someone had gotten hurt, I do not know what I would do.”
UK Movie Aims To Find Lehman Lessons (NYP)
One “former high-ranking” exec (Dick Fuld) is not happy with the casting of Corey Johnson as the Gorilla. “[He's] way too young — not hard enough, not serious enough — [and he] looks bewildered,” this person said. “Dick was never bewildered.”
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This morning in gorging yourself for sport: “Today sees the famous vending machine challenge occurring in London. 6000 calories in 5.5hours by an intern at Citi. Currently finished 16 out of 27 items. Looking 50/50 to finish with a 2pm London Time cutoff.” We’ll keep you posted.
Update, 8:20AM: 40 minutes and 4 items to go

Update II: “Had 8 minutes to go…1 mars bar left….and he vomited! on the desk! FAIL!!!!”