Having already established herself as whore (I don’t say that to mean, I say that to be accurate), it shouldn’t be that surprising to find out that Sheryl Weinstein gave away all the “best” parts of her story re: banging Bernie in the excerpts leading up to the book’s release, leaving us with little reason* to actually purchase the thing. But, like fools, we did anyway (less than a week after coming out it’s already 20 percent off). So you don’t make the same mistake, and fund this crazy bitch’s existence, we’re going to just run through what I guess she figures are the money shots now. Also, those “intimate” photos we were promised? Not a single one of the climax generator. All the pics of Ponzi Boy are ones we’ve seen already, printed in little known publications like the Post. Perhaps feeling like she owed us something, Sheryl threw in a handful of her own family, including her wedding to the guy she cheated on with Bernie (and is still married to), and her son’s Bar Mitzvah. Because nothing says “I’m sorry” like plastering your husband’s face next to a line about blowing some other dude. Moving on, here’s a fun (harrowing) bit by Sheryl about taking Berns down a few notches:
We sat discreetly holding hands in one of the plush upholstered banquettes, quietly discussing the possibility of a rendezvous in Florida…”I didn’t realize you had such small hands,” he suddenly announced.
“I’ve been told I have a small mouth, too.”
“I never noticed that,” he said.
I smiled at him in a telling way. He got the message, and nervously cleared his throat. It was a dig. Every once in a while I liked to bring him back to earth when he was becoming too full of himself.
Nice! If you’re a crazy ho. Which, Sheryl will have you know, she wasn’t. Actually, she doesn’t address her mental instability, but she does make it clear to us, like she did to Bernie, that whatever conclusions might’ve been drawn to apply the term “skank,” what we have on our hands is a woman of straight class.
“Why don’t you come over here and give me a massage,” he said. He was clothed at the time. “No,” I told him, “I don’t like giving massages.” This was not the reason I was refusing. I didn’t like the tone he used. It didn’t have enough of a request in it. It wasn’t like he was ordering me, but it felt like an order. It sounded more like he was talking to the hired help and not making a request from one lover to another.
“Especially the kind you prefer,” I added. Bernie had told me about his little pastime. He indicated that he like his massages “deep and painful.” I was not interested in that particular kind of interaction. Giving Bernie a massage would have made me feel cheap.
*Hi, do you think people are spending $19.95 to read a whole chapter on how the outfit you planned to wear on outfit the first time you and Bernard were going to play “hide the Ponzi scheme” but you couldn’t because it was at the dry cleaners, so you had to go with something else? Or your psychological evaluations of men with small packages, and how your research in the field has led you to determine that “having a small penis is probably worse than being too short or going gray at an early age”? The statistic that “about 90 percent of women actually prefer a wide penis to a long one”? I do like the part where you note that “men with this problem can view what they have as a hardship…and making love can be something they fear rather than take pleasure in.” Hey Freakshow, maybe they’re just quaking in anticipatory fear you’re going to write a book about them! I don’t know, I’m not a doctor.
That woman’s face haunts my dreams.
I never, ever, ever want to think about a dick in that crazy ho’s mouth.
I’ve got 2 hundos for anyone who’ll put this bitch in a body bag. Going once, going twice.
@2 Not even my dog’s dick!
Is she really Greg’s Mom???? Ugh!
Have another tag for you:
“Jews doing Jews”
wtf?! Giving Bernie a massage is what makes this woman feel cheap?!
Bellevue, in coming!
(From the original manuscript)
Ed note. Change:
“Giving Bernie a massage would have made me feel cheap.”
To:
“Surrendering my fiduciary duties to the donors of the charity I purported to run, screwing around on my husband, and destroying my family by writing a hack book in some misguided, yet obvious, attempt to recapture a youth I never had… would have made me feel cheap.”
“Because nothing says “I’m sorry” like plastering your husband’s face next to a line about blowing some other dude.” — Classic!
Eat your heart out Gasparino. Because as hard as you try to be funny and cutting, you can’t. In the end you are just a blow hard.
What’s the male equivalent of a handbridge?
“I may have slutted myself out to him for nothing, but I made fun of him a few times”
Bernie: 0
Ladyboy: 1
B-Mad could die in a fire, and I wouldn’t care.
That said, this woman is such a skeezed out cum-dumpster that I have greater disrespect for her than for Bernie.
I’d spank that samosa with my noodle.
-Vikram
Greg Michaels, Mark Klein MD and Sheryl Weinstein walk into a bar…
@9 an Inspector Gadget
“about 90 percent of women actually prefer a wide penis to a long one”?
true.
that face is where boner’s go to die.
You think the book is bad? just you wait for the movie..
@15 i’m usually passed out by that point anyway.
@13 The Toolbox?
@18 true story.
if i could remember all the guys i got gang-banged by I’d so the same thing.
if i could remember all the guys i got gang-banged by I’d so the same thing.
Bess, any camel-toes shots of her? I need to evaluate her gapingness.
Small mouth usually == small vaginal opening but when you’re a stone cold slutinsky all bets are off
@23
I won’t get too graphic, but a Hebrew National 14 pack wouldn’t be a stretch for Sheryl…literally.
-BM
We sat discreetly holding hands in one of the plush upholstered banquettes, quietly discussing the possibility of a rendezvous in Florida…”I didn’t realize you had such small hands,” he suddenly announced.
“I’ve been told I have a small anus, nostrils, earholes, and eye sockets too.”
“I never noticed that,” he said.
I smiled at him in a telling way. He got the message, and nervously cleared his throat. It was a dig. Every once in a while I liked to bring him back to earth when he was becoming too full of himself.
Perhaps Sheryl had an ownership interest in this target that she can reimburse Hadassah
“Baker Hughes to Buy BJ Services for $5.5 Billion”
@ 24, Bernie ALWAYS keeps it kosher.
Hebrew National, best GD hotdogs ever made.
-Nominate me
Slore? Too soon?
Whunt. The word you’re looking for is “Whunt”.
@ 28- No.
Sheryl should pursue a new career in graphical novels.
No one should actually *buy* a book from this festering hatchett gash. She has small hands, a small mouth and a level of class and ettiquette to match both. Bernie hated himself. Dicking her was a way to hate-fuck himself. I find no other reason why he would seek out a pathetic semin-dumpster like this woman from assignation.
@2 – That mouth has probably gotten fed more dick than toothbrush.