Being married to the (Hebrew) mob clearly has its benefits but where it's a real buzz kill is in the getting shitfaced in public department. It's more or less frowned upon, particularly if your husb is high-profile enough for the scene to get press. All the Mrs. Goldman girls in the house know what I'm talking about. Sometimes you just wanna get hammered in front of an audience and act out, for whatever reason, but can't because you know once Lloyd gets wind of it he's going to come down on your ass with an earful about not attracting negative attention that could later contribute to little pissant journalists writing salacious and baseless lies about the firm and its inability to blow less than a .85 on random breathalyzer tests, copy that should be reserved for bitches o' Bank of America. The relentless harping to "make 'em virgins ladies" and the persistent fear LB's gonna grab you by the elbow and escort you out of the room, then hose you down like a junkie if he smells even a hint of booze on your breath would explain why certain wives have resorted to simply acting like miserable shrews sober. So it's only natural that once you're the outside, 'cause your man quit or got fired, you'd want to suck in the freedom that is getting loaded and charged with DWI's without judgment, and that look, above, which is LB's "What do you think this is, a god damn halfway house, ya fuckin drunk? I'm not happy and there'll be hell to pay" face.
IT'S been a rough year for Ray and Jane Iwanowski. The couple was flying high last year, with Ray, 42, running the Global Alpha hedge fund for Goldman Sachs. In September, they bought a 4,184-square-foot, nine-room apartment at 823 Park Ave. for $13.5 million. But then, in March, Ray and his partner Mark Carhart both retired from Goldman, having suffered investment losses and client redemptions which brought the fund's assets down from $12 billion in 2007 to $2.5 billion. And on July 26, Jane, 48, was arrested in East Hampton on a misdemeanor charge of DWI after driving her 2003 BMW into a tree near the Iwanowskis' nearby house.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:12AM
Bessiecakes!
Posted by merkin capital partners , Aug 13, 2009 9:15AM
This is the finest sight these eyes have ever seen.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:16AM
besssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:16AM
Bess,
You haven't lost anything off your fastball!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:19AM
Greg, EP...in the back, Bess is driving...wheeeeeeeee!!!!
Posted by wcburrs87 , Aug 13, 2009 9:22AM
Goldman is trying to kill trees now too.
-Barney Waters
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:22AM
thank fucking god.
-lenny dykstra
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:22AM
2003 BMW...no wonder she was drunk, she couldn't deal with the fact that she had to drive such a clunker
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:22AM
I just jizzed
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 13, 2009 9:22AM
Great tag, just great.
Someone shoulda told the old bag about http://www.lilybugscooters.com/
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:23AM
it's .085 you stupid bitch, not .85
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:23AM
Now this is more like it. How did Greg and EP take the news of their firings?
Posted by Tax Chick , Aug 13, 2009 9:25AM
Prepare for the onslaught of adoration... there is going to be a lot of lipsmacking!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:26AM
trying way too hard BL...
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:27AM
48 years old and a 2003 Beamer. Looks like Ray's got a few trade-ins to take care of.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:27AM
Love the tag.
Posted by Bess Levin , Aug 13, 2009 9:28AM
@11 are you not in agreement it'd be bad for goldman to blow a .85, you fucking cunt?
@14 i got off a ten hour flight 5 hours ago and slept for 2. All I'm attempting to do is form complete sentences, not impress you.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:28AM
BOA wives cannot afford alcohol. They have to sniff glue.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:31AM
@17 fuck 'em, bess. they're just trying to play cool about the fact that you've returned. it's probably just greg and EP as they've been routinely shit on in your absence.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:31AM
FINALLY.
Now, when is Greg going on vacay to Hershey's World with mom?
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:34AM
BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS! BESS!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:37AM
You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Bess Levin is coming to town
She's making a list
And checking it twice;
Gonna find out Who's naughty and nice
Bess Levin is coming to town
She sees you when you're sleeping
She knows when you're awake
She knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!
O! You better watch out!
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
Bess Levin is coming to town
Bess Levin is coming to town
Posted by Tax Chick , Aug 13, 2009 9:37AM
GRESHAM, Ore. - A man who hit street signs and several stopped cars in Gresham in March got the attention of police after his blood tested for an alcohol level nearly six times the legal limit.
Hawkins' .47 blood alcohol level was close to toxic, and the amount of drinking required to achieve that level was high.
Over a five hour period, a 185-pound adult male would have to consume either seven bottles of wine, nine pitchers of beer or 23 shots of hard liquor to achieve such a high blood-alcohol level.
Police say Hawkins was in and out of consciousness at the time of his arrest, and was lucky to be alive.
Posted by Novice , Aug 13, 2009 9:37AM
Bess @17 captures a hell of a lot of what we've missed.
Tax Chick, I brought extra chapstick if you need to borrow.
Posted by NakedShort , Aug 13, 2009 9:40AM
A repost of my comment three days ago to honor Ms. Levin's return and point out the weak sauce @22.
Twas the night before Bess’s return, when all through the ‘net
Not a creature was stirring, not even as the Fed monetized public debt.
The FMF photos were sent to her email with care,
In hopes that Ms. Levin soon would be there.
The DB commenters were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Amanda Drury’s cleave danced in their heads.
And D. Kneal with his collie, and Greg in his Versace briefs,
DB readers were tired of the posts stinking like M. Whitney’s queefs.
With a little huge relevant photo, and text sent from the heavens,
I knew in a moment it must be Ms. Levin.
More rapid than eagles the insults they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now noted prostie lover! now, Mexican coke shark! now, Dimon and Blankfein!
On, P. Tudor! On, Fatty Cohen!, on Asness and the CEO that drinks cheap wine!
From the top of her head! to the tips of her fingers!
Now comment away! Comment away! Let the nasty sarcasm linger!"
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
And filled all of her posts, while displaying an evil smirk.
And laying her finger aside of L. Kudlow’s blow filled nose,
And giving a nod, as if to say LK get ripped up and bang some hoes!
She sprang to her desk, as she tries to right this ship,
She tries not to let the fact that she missed us too slip.
But I heard her exclaim, as she returned to the block,
"If you hated on DealBreaker while I was gone you can suck a cock!"
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 13, 2009 9:41AM
@tax chick
Why'd you have to go make me wax nostalgic for freshman year so early on a thursday? Is that some sort of not-so-subtle challenge?
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:42AM
Bess, I'm so happy, I'll give YOU the handbridge this time. xoxo
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:43AM
And Bess is back.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:43AM
wow, @Naked.
kudos,
22
Posted by Perkins Maxwell , Aug 13, 2009 9:46AM
Anal already got there but I have to agree: the tag is perfect. short and sweet
and NakedShort FTW! But no paean to Bess' return is truly complete without a Gasparino reference.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:47AM
Bessums,
Considering the lenght of your flight, and the alcoholic beverage selection on commercial airlines, it must be hard for you to be in the crib today. But it is your duty to strap it on and succumb to the desires of the masses.
Sincy,
BlackPoint
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:55AM
That's what I'm talking about. F yeah!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:00AM
And it's not even free for all fridays! Bess, you're a star.
@11 = Cliffy
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:05AM
LOBSTERCLOPS is pleased.
Posted by Tax Chick , Aug 13, 2009 10:06AM
@Anal
Sorry to raise the spector of alcohol consumption so early in the morning. I don't like the term "alcoholic". I like to think of myself as an advance drinker. So the tought never crossed my mind that it was too early to talk drinks.
That being said, 23 shots in 5 hours doesn't sound like much of a challenge. But 7 bottles of wine in 5 hours might take its toll.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:10AM
all i want is a hand job bitch
b. madoff
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 13, 2009 10:13AM
@ Tax Chick
Agreed, but I'm not so sure I can still rock 5 shots/hour for 5hrs without at least making a few short stops on the pain train to blackout city.
If only it was like Mad Men still, we'd be on our 2nd cocktail by now...
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:25AM
She's pushing 50....
He should be pushing 30s...
Man, bankers get no pussy......sad.
Posted by Tax Chick , Aug 13, 2009 10:28AM
@Anal
You're making me thirsty!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:31AM
It was a '03 Z8....about $130K new
I saw them tow it away
http://www.cars.com/go/crp/research.jsp?makeid=5&modelid=4787&year=2003&myid=4550&acode=&mode=&aff=national§ion=photosAndColors
Posted by EvilBuzzard , Aug 13, 2009 10:35AM
Well...How da fuck else do you get the car home?
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:35AM
The herd is stampedin' at the return of Bess. God has returned to the universe and all is well in the world for the DB commentariat. I think they are looking for a rainbow as a sign from Bess that she'll never leave again. Was it really that bad?
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:36AM
The herd is stampedin' at the return of Bess. God has returned to the universe and all is well in the world for the DB commentariat. I think they are looking for a rainbow as a sign from Bess that she'll never leave again. Was it really that bad?
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:41AM
Happy days are here again... la la la...
[skipping down hallway at office co-workers wondering why I'm so fucking happy]
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:44AM
@35 I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk! Alcoholics go to meetings.....
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:49AM
...ahhhhhh....
....contented sigh.
Welcome back Bess. Please don't do that to us loyal readers, ever again.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:56AM
Beats the 7:57 post, Bess.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:56AM
Beats the 9:57 post, Bess. oops
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:01AM
@48 what are you taking about? what 9:57 post?
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:12AM
BESS IS BACK!! i can start loving DB again
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:17AM
@49.
Goldman Hedge Fund Manager's Wife Got Drunk And Drove Her Car Into A Tree
John Carney|Aug. 13, 2009, 9:57 AM
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:19AM
Bess, you're an idiot. You cannot blow a .85
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:22AM
@52 yes, because bess is never prone to hyperbole, ever. idiot.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:23AM
@52 why don't you whip out your breathalyzer and prove it, bitch.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:26AM
53 its not hyperbole its called a mistake you faggot
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:26AM
@52 put down the zima and come suck on these nuts
-CG
Posted by NakedShort , Aug 13, 2009 11:27AM
@52; please see @17
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:27AM
@55 and you would know it was a mistake b/c why? are you at the db office? oh, and kill yourself.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:32AM
58 i know its a mistake because the illegal level is .085. hyperbole would call for the post to say something more like .32, which would imply being very drunk. stop trying to make up for a misplaced decimal point on a careless post. you are an idiot.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:39AM
Welcome back Bess.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:41AM
Welcome back Bess.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:56AM
"stop trying to make up for a misplaced decimal point on a careless post."
you are the biggest fag on the planet. know that.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 12:43PM
NS@25 = legendary
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 12:49PM
I once blew a .85
Foster Brooks
Posted by Investorcluzo , Aug 13, 2009 1:18PM
bessy, you know I love you as much as the next guy (or gal), but sometimes you have to play hurt. sincere thanks for coming in to DBHQ.
there has been a whole lot of chirping today about how great this post is, but let's not lose (not loose, b1tches!) sight of the fact that this is on a relative basis...I'm just as happy as the rest of you that we got our girl back in one piece, but c'mon. let's chill with the grade inflation.
btw, 10 hour flight...were you on the birthright trip?
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 13, 2009 2:49PM
@Cluzo
Shhh, don't give away state secrets!