• 17 Aug 2009 at 11:42 AM

The Tie That Binds Washington Together

By

Rolled Up Banknote.jpgNow it’s clear what the driving force is behind some of the recently proposed financial legislation. At first you might think knee-jerk, panic driven logic was responsible for the calls to ban all CDS and tax bonuses at 90%. But the real reason for DC’s recent streak of regulatory gems appears to be what lawmakers have been doing with the bills in their wallets. A recent study found 95% of banknotes in Washington showed traces of cocaine.

Dr Yuegang Zuo, who led the research, said: “To my surprise, we’re finding more and more cocaine in banknotes… I’m not sure why we’ve seen this apparent increase, but it could be related to the economic downturn, with stressed people turning to cocaine.”

Speaking of which, Tim Geithner has been a lot quieter recently.

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    Comments (59)

    Older Comments
    1. 1
      Posted by guest | August 17, 2009 at 11:48 AM

      Wouldn’t the residue transfer simply go up every year?

    2. 2
      Posted by guest | August 17, 2009 at 11:53 AM

      That is why I only carry Susan B. Anthony dollars into a strip club.
      ~Houston Oil Trader

    3. 3
      Posted by NakedShort | August 17, 2009 at 11:54 AM

      How ironic considering we used to have a Treasury Secretary named “Snow”

    4. 4
      Posted by guest | August 17, 2009 at 11:56 AM

      @2 perhaps we’ve met, I’m the guy who only brings dubloons to Treasures.

    5. 5
      Posted by guest | August 17, 2009 at 11:57 AM

      @1 good point.
      How long does the residue take to break down or rub off?
      This could simply be build up from several years.

    6. 6
      Posted by guest | August 17, 2009 at 11:58 AM

      Greg, I’m going to ruin your carpet with nothing more than my ass and Taco Bell’s Volcano Menu.
      -Jeff Macke

    7. 7
      Posted by guest | August 17, 2009 at 11:59 AM

      Not likely several years – paper money wears out pretty quickly.
      More so if doused with all the shit they cut cocaine with.

    8. 8
      Posted by guest | August 17, 2009 at 12:02 PM

      Who wants to see a picture of my dick in a box?
      CG

    9. 9
      Posted by guest | August 17, 2009 at 12:04 PM

      @4…….@2 here. I know you!! The “dubloons” gave it away. I remember when you used to use your tie as a headband when you were getting a table dance! After the firm went “biz casual” it’s been hard to separate the oil traders from the leasing reps in Treasures.

    10. 10
      Posted by Perkins Maxwell | August 17, 2009 at 12:05 PM

      Best Greg post yet.
      @1, 5: While it’s pretty stable, coke is still going to have a half-life measured in weeks, if that, on a dollar bill, as an organic compound subject to breakdown from sunlight and bacterial digestion.

    11. 11
      Posted by Perkins Maxwell | August 17, 2009 at 12:08 PM

      Also: cocaine is present in detectable levels in all urban sewage. Which means these researchers should definitely test coke concentrations in the sewage outflow from the Capitol. Mad Max alone should provide a detectable level of it.

    12. 12
      Posted by guest | August 17, 2009 at 12:14 PM

      Speaking of snorting coke off of a nice set of tiddies, Drury looks like she’s got a pair of saggers. It looks like old lady decolletage.

    13. 13
      Posted by guest | August 17, 2009 at 12:15 PM

      This is a story? Christ I coulda told you that.
      Larry Kudlow.

    14. 14
      Posted by IBNR | August 17, 2009 at 12:16 PM

      Hello? Marion Barry was the mayor.

    15. 15
      Posted by guest | August 17, 2009 at 12:49 PM

      95% of all banknotes everywhere have traces of cocaine on them…

    16. 16
      Posted by guest | August 17, 2009 at 1:06 PM

      30% of the time, 95% of all stats are made up on the spot

    17. 17
      Posted by guest | August 17, 2009 at 1:07 PM

      http://www.snopes.com/business/money/cocaine.asp
      Snopes demystified this several years back. Never cease to entertain, though.

    18. 18
      Posted by guest | August 17, 2009 at 1:17 PM

      GREG SUCKS

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