British thespian Carey Mulligan, left, will apparently be playing the love interest of ShiBeouf (and daughter of Gordon Gekko) in Money Never Sleeps. Josh Brolin is yet to accept the role of the "evil" short-seller, after it was turned down by Javier Bardem in a move that left the hedge fund industry reeling, as it was lobbying hard for an actor that could pull off a bowl cut (such as this guy, still waiting for an offer). Also up for grabs is the minor (/major) part of Biff Basness, who Gekko meets on the inside and with whom he starts an underground cock fighting league. If you've got any suggestions, let's hear 'em.
Wall Street Sequel Secures Actress Willing To Fake It With Shia LaBeouf
Posted by Bess Levin, Aug 14, 2009, 10:11am
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Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:14AM
is she a junkie?
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:14AM
what's that saying related to chrome and a trailer hitch and sucking?
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:15AM
@2 huh?
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:15AM
wilford brimley as basness
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:15AM
Sanjaya as Vikram Pandit
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:16AM
@5 YES
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:17AM
"the minor (/major) part of Biff Basness, who Gekko meets on the inside and with whom he starts an underground cock fighting league."
that would actually make this piece of shit movie worth seeing.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:17AM
Rob Reiner as Bassness. Brimley has already committed to the Steinhardt role.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:18AM
malkovich as the evil, naked shorter...with a russian accent.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:18AM
@7 they should have bess to a rewrite.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:21AM
I'd hit it.
-heroin addict
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:23AM
who will play amanda drury's tits?
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:23AM
She may not be a natural blond.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:24AM
@3 come on man!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6Ep1nmwWU0
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:24AM
@12
The Olsen twins.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:26AM
http://images.google.com/images?q=carey%20mulligan&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:26AM
Charlie Gasparino as himself
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:26AM
michael vick as ken griffin
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:27AM
The 2010 Chevy Astro van as the evil short selling Decepticon "Down-TIX" leading to a reprise of Shia's patented line:
"Down-TIX wants what's in my MIND!"
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:28AM
@2
I believe you are looking for a great redneck line, as in: "Man that bj was good, that girl could suck the rust off a trailer hitch."
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:28AM
I'd hit it twice. "Taking a Mulligan" if you will.
Posted by NakedShort , Aug 14, 2009 10:31AM
Remember this won't be Shia's first stab at a Wall Street role. I enjoyed his work in the 2003 M. Bartiromo biopic: Holes (filled with cum).
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:35AM
The eyebrows say alterna-chick, the emaciated body screams I'll suck your cock for a hit of E.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:39AM
@3...Please allow me to be your docent here in the Hall of Humor that this thread encourages. As we view each particular comment's artful presentation you will from time to time see what is known as a "joke" or "bon mot" as they say in Le Havre. Let's look again at @2's comment, "what's that saying related to chrome and a trailer hitch and sucking?" as pertains to the thread we are presently discussing.
The wonderful Ms. Levin began the unintentional set up of the joke by posting a picture of the young, beautiful British thespian Carey Mulligan with her charming "cupid's bow" lips and mouth.
Then, soon thereafter, the earthy and quick-witted @2 responded to the pic and story with his jocular comment, "what's that saying related to chrome and a trailer hitch and sucking?"
In reality, @2 was making a reference to an old witticism that is usually told in reference to a persons ability to perform the inhallational part (the suck) of the oral sex act of "fellatio" aka "pole smoking" or in pedestrian terms, a "blow job".
In the effort to imply by observation that the targeted individual had such prowess on the "sucking" part of the act of love referenced above, strong metaphors are used by witty people to describe the power of the alleged performer's ability to reduce the air presssure in her mouth relevant to the outside air pressure. Thus, @2 chose as his/her metaphor the absurd idea that chrome could be sucked off of a trailor hitch and wants us to associate such power perhaps with the image of the British actress. (Note: @2 could have used "suck start a motor cycle" with equal humorous results.)
I hope that helped.
Sincerely,
~The Joke Briefer
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:40AM
Bravo @15, bravo.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:44AM
And bravo to The Joke Briefer, even though his valued presence brings into sharper relief the absence of The Forehead Slapper.
@25
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:44AM
Vick could do a cameo as the cockfighting promoter.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:45AM
@24 FTW!
Haven't noticed The Joke Briefer in a while.
Good to know he's still out there; [The Joke Briefer], that is.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 10:47AM
@24 : Joke Briefer
you made my day
-2
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 14, 2009 11:07AM
After reading the script, more now than ever, Shia is awful for the lead role. Alas, I can't think of anyone who'd be much better, dearth of quality male lead actors in hollywood as it were.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 11:10AM
The updates will never end!
Please someone stop it.
I wish we could fast forward to the first trailer for this piece of garbage.
The marketing campaign for this movie will be unbearable, as will all media coverage (excluding DB.)
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 11:22AM
In my experience English girls give horrible head...I'm just sayin
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 11:28AM
Australian girls give the worst head. I think it's because of all the beatings they get from Australian men.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 11:29AM
Miles Fisher ... the Evil Short-seller
Tony Shalhoub ... Oleg
Mike Farrell ... T. Boone Pickens
Elvis Costello ... Damien Hirst
Chuck Pfeiffer ... Chuckie
Jaleel Ahmad White ... Cluzo
Amanda Drury ... Herself
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 11:36AM
@9 - Check, Check, Check!
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 11:37AM
@19 fucking hilarious
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 11:40AM
bess is back... the funny comments are back... sissy greg and tl;dr ep are in retreat... DB IS BACK BABY!!
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 11:47AM
@24 Thank you for that.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 12:07PM
@32 I second that, I'm English
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 14, 2009 12:20PM
@24
That horrible, hopefully by intent, in which case, bravo!
I'd say Oleg should be Vigo Mortenson, but he's too clean cut and trim, hmm, relatively slovenly, whore-banging, coke-snorking, hmm, Brandon Davis? Jack Black?
Too bad none of the guys I can think of can act for sh*t
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 12:24PM
Hulk Hogan as the baddie!
GREED IS GOOD, BROTHER!!!
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 12:26PM
@24, that comment, sir, is the reason I come here
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 12:32PM
@24, such high-brow ribaldry!
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 12:44PM
beats bardem for hair any day:
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1203803904/nm0851458
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 12:47PM
David Duchovny as the NY AG Prosecutor/Client #9
Eddie Murphy as Maxine Waters
Harvey Weinstein as Barney Frank
Dustin Diamond as High Frequency Trader #1
Yakov Smirnoff as High Frequency Trader #2
Kathy Bates as Mary Schapiro
Ben Stein as Paul Krugman
Phil Philmar as Hank Paulson
Hank Azaria as Bif Basness
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 12:49PM
Joe the Plumber as Biff Basness - seriously.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 12:56PM
Vincent Gallo would be a show stopper.Then he could snort some lithium and have Cloe Sevigny blow Michael Douglas.It would be high art.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 1:00PM
Dog the Bounty Hunter as Meredith Whitney?
Posted by trojan , Aug 14, 2009 1:01PM
Bess how did you find a picture of me?
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 1:02PM
I bet Cliff would finance the movie himself if he could get Brad Pitt to play Biff
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 1:05PM
@50 who is this Cliff you speak of?
We're talking about Biff Basness.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 1:11PM
Daniel Schrag as Biff Basness
http://www.learner.org/courses/envsci/scientist/scientist.php?shortname=schrag
Separated at birth???
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 1:15PM
Philip Seymour Hoffmann as Biff Basness
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 1:15PM
Philip Seymour Hoffmann as Biff Basness
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 1:24PM
@53/@54 Good call!
Philip will do a fanastic job of capturing his air of hurried desperation.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 1:24PM
as previously mentioned, i'd hit that so hard that ... shit i forget how it goes. something about the queen of England
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 1:32PM
Paul Reubens as Timmay
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 1:34PM
whoever could pull me out would become the King of all England.
that was it.
Posted by highlyconfident , Aug 14, 2009 1:34PM
Sean Connery as the Beard
Michael Chiklis as the Bald
Jackie Chan as Danny Pang
Clint Howard as evil short seller
David Carradine as dead hooker #1
Charlie Gasparino as sleeveless street tough
Grimmus as Biff Basness
Stuart Scott as Becky Quicks lazy eye
Posted by highlyconfident , Aug 14, 2009 1:43PM
Sean Connery ... the Bald
Michael Chiklis ...the Bald
Jackie Chan ... Danny Pang
Clint Howard ... Nefarious Short Seller
David Carradine ... dead hooker #1
Incredibly black obese man ... homo trader
Charlie Gasparino ... sleeveless street tough
Grimmus ... Biff Basness
Stuart Scott ... Becky Quickâs lazy eye
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 1:44PM
For some reason, @48 made me snarf
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 1:46PM
shaggy from scooby doo as cody willard
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 2:16PM
@24.... brilliant as always.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 2:27PM
Eddie Izzard ... Evil Short-seller
R. Lee Ermey ... Bald
Billy Crystal ... Beard
John Goodman ... Boone's
Michael Richards ... Timmay G
Wallace Shawn ... LB
Denis Leary ... Cool James
Richard Lewis ... John Mack
Tommy Chong ... Jimmy Cayne
M. Night Shyamalan ... Vickle the Tickle
Ted Danson ... Dick Fuld
Elizabeth Berkley ... Legs Callan
Robert Guillaume ... Ang Moz
Chuck Pfeiffer ... Chuckie
Priscilla Allen ... Stevie
Tony Leung Chiu Wai ... Ping
Ziyi Zhang ... Andrew Tong
Joe the Plumber ... Biff Basness, PhD (ht @46)
Sarah Silverman ... B. Lovin'
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 2:28PM
@44 - No, it really doesn't.
http://blog.newsok.com/staticblog/files/2008/12/javier-bardem.jpg
-2StopShop
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 2:37PM
Too much pimples.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 3:07PM
@62-- Zoinks! Shaggy would not consider making a regressive career move.
-Shaggy's Agent
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 3:35PM
tobias funke as greg michaels
asian girl from gilmore girls as EP
amanda drury as BL
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 5:05PM
Ed Norton as Hedge fund guy.
Danny Devito as Steve Schwartzman
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 5:08PM
Peter Scolari as Paul Tudor Jones
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 7:09PM
68,
"tobias funke as greg michaels"
NOT FUNNY.
-Greg
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 8:55PM
michael richards as william richards
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 9:11PM
@30
excuse me, you read the script? or do you mean you read the fake script written by ep?
Posted by guest , Aug 16, 2009 8:44PM
No thought who will play themselves playing Jeff Beck playing himself?
My vote goes for Paul Tudor Jones.
Posted by guest , Aug 17, 2009 1:56AM
martin lawrence as e stanley o'neal
Posted by guest , Aug 17, 2009 1:56AM
martin lawrence as e stanley o'neal
Posted by guest , Aug 17, 2009 1:01PM
@23 My kind of girl.