'Cause that's the kind Bernie has, according to Journal which will not allow itself or brother from another mother, the Post, to be made a fool.
We wrote the below post earlier today, under the headline "Bernie Madoff is Dying of Cancer." Since then, the Bureau of Prisons has issued a vague statement saying "the article in the New York Post is inaccurate," though the Bureau has not indicated what about the Post article is inaccurate. We checked back in with our source, who reiterated that Madoff does, in fact, have a "serious" form of cancer, though the source could not confirm that it was life threatening. Of course, we'll let you know what we get as the story unfolds.
Bernie Madoff Cancer Update [WSJ]
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:38PM
jewish cancer.
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:38PM
caner of the penis?
-sw
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:39PM
Anal cancer, obviously.
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:40PM
you're both going to be beaten with reeds tonight.
-daddy murdoch
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:41PM
@3 too soon
-farrah
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:41PM
Ponzi cancer
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:43PM
Lie faster, daddy needs a new pair of shoes!
-rupes
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:45PM
I can't believe I know someone who would lie about having cancer. You think you know a person, a person who you fucked, many times, coming to climax while on top, despite his REALLY small dick, and then you hear something like this.
-sheryl w
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:45PM
Rupert Melanoma
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:47PM
Basil cell carcinoma (skin lesions, not very deadly at all) or "hairy cell leukemia" can go with you to your grave but not necessarily be the reason why. Age can dramatically slow down some forms of cancer.
~The Doctor's Son
Posted by NakedShort , Aug 24, 2009 3:47PM
Probably having a sun spot removed
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:48PM
@naked fuck you. I could've died.
-bm
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:49PM
sometimes I wonder if he could still bring me to orgasm.
-sw
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:50PM
@12 I hate you and all your family.
Posted by NakedShort , Aug 24, 2009 3:50PM
@12 sorry Bern how can I make it up to you? Handbridge Capital Poster for your prison cell?
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:52PM
He never ate me out, but the time he fingered me in a cab was one of the most erotic moments of my life.
-sw
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:52PM
Ken Lee Meju more.
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:53PM
Bernie may have told his inmate buddies he's got colon cancer as a way to avoid his initiation ceremony.
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:54PM
How small was his dick? When the lights were off and I was drunk, I sometimes couldn't tell if he was fingering or fucking me. True story.
Still got the job done, though.
-sw
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:54PM
Cancerous cancer. Worst kind.
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:56PM
Dialogue that often transpired in our hotel room went as follows:
"Do you have the condom on yet?" "I'm inside you."
-sw
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:56PM
@19 - but did you climax?
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:57PM
@22 yes, many times.
-sw
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:58PM
13/16/19/21 I admire your commitment to the cause.
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 3:59PM
"I guess she might be suggesting that blowing Bernie must've been like a whale suckin on a Tic-Tac."
~From Black Female Comic on "Def Comedy Jam" Whose Name I Cannot Remember
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 24, 2009 4:03PM
I'd say brain cancer but that'd be way too convenient of an excuse
Posted by Prime Brokerage Dude , Aug 24, 2009 4:07PM
SW: Give it to me Bernie
Bernie: It's in so deep that the first guy to pull it out should rule all of Piscataway.
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 4:07PM
@analyst, how would brain cancer not be life threatening?
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 4:07PM
We sat down after dinner one night. I told him that I had something to share with him. Before he could say anything, I plunged in.
"I had an affair 15 years ago."
He didn't appear shocked or angry, but he asked: "With whom?"
This was the hard part. "With Bernie," I said.
"How did it start?" he asked. So I told him: One day, at his office, during some little small talk I can't remember now, suddenly it seemed like he gazed into my soul and he asked me, "Have you ever seen how a one-armed man counts his change?"
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 4:15PM
Prostate Cancer. Could be either slow/benign or rapid/serious. That would explain the confusion. But my response is way too serious for this website.
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 4:17PM
We sat down after dinner one night. I told him that I had something to share with him. Before he could say anything, I plunged in.
"I had Labiaplasty 15 years ago."
He didn't appear shocked or angry, but he asked: "Why?"
This was the hard part. "For purely cosmetic reasons," I said.
"How did it start?" he asked. So I told him: One day, at his office, during some little small talk I can't remember now, suddenly it seemed like he had a revelation: "Mrs. Michaels", he said, "I would like to impregnate you with Greggums and then abandon you to the urban neighbors to use as they see fit. But first you must have the Labiaplasty."
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 4:17PM
Could be Parkinson's Disease. All the cool people don't call it Parkinson's anymore. They say, "I've got PD...."
Posted by Bubba LaChamp , Aug 24, 2009 4:18PM
If it's prostate, someone's gonna have to dig 'er out!
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 4:19PM
is turrets a cancer?
-sw
Posted by Mark Klein MD , Aug 24, 2009 4:24PM
When Bernard Madoff stole $50 billion from his investors, some of whom were his supposed friends and fuck buddies, he proved that he was a heartless liar. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprise if he were lying about something as serious as cancer.
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 4:26PM
"We checked back in with our source."
Not "our sources," but "our source." Presumably incarcerated himself.
Just sayin'.
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 4:27PM
We sat down after dinner one night. I told him that I had something to share with him. Before he could say anything, I plunged in.
"I had an affair 15 years ago."
He didn't appear shocked or angry, but he asked: "With whom?"
This was the hard part. "With Bernie," I said.
"How did it start?" he asked. So I told him: We were talking about dogs at Bernie's office one day. I told Bernie that, unless they were victims of over-breeding, all dogs are basically Southerners.
Bernie wheeled around and gazed into my eyes. Then he motioned me to his desk and said, "Take a look at this "hot tip" I have for you. I gathered my jeweler's loup and away we went."
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 4:30PM
I am not an animal.
DK
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 4:34PM
All of the pills he is taking (Viagra) is to help his status with the homosexual possee
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 4:35PM
28=ex-Lehman Quant.
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 4:46PM
Ha! "Madoff...." Yeah!! Like he MADE OFF with all the money!!!
~Guy Who Just Came Out of a 2 Year Coma
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 4:57PM
From the photo, I'm guessing hair cancer.
-Pfluger
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 5:00PM
Hmm. What would keep the buggerers off his tush, admit him to the platonic gay men's club, and explain the 20-pill-a-day regimen? Those handies came at a grave cost.
Posted by guest , Aug 24, 2009 5:14PM
Post modern cancer.