‘Cause that’s the kind Bernie has, according to Journal which will not allow itself or brother from another mother, the Post, to be made a fool.
We wrote the below post earlier today, under the headline “Bernie Madoff is Dying of Cancer.” Since then, the Bureau of Prisons has issued a vague statement saying “the article in the New York Post is inaccurate,” though the Bureau has not indicated what about the Post article is inaccurate. We checked back in with our source, who reiterated that Madoff does, in fact, have a “serious” form of cancer, though the source could not confirm that it was life threatening. Of course, we’ll let you know what we get as the story unfolds.
jewish cancer.
caner of the penis?
-sw
Anal cancer, obviously.
you’re both going to be beaten with reeds tonight.
-daddy murdoch
@3 too soon
-farrah
Ponzi cancer
Lie faster, daddy needs a new pair of shoes!
-rupes
I can’t believe I know someone who would lie about having cancer. You think you know a person, a person who you fucked, many times, coming to climax while on top, despite his REALLY small dick, and then you hear something like this.
-sheryl w
Rupert Melanoma
Basil cell carcinoma (skin lesions, not very deadly at all) or “hairy cell leukemia” can go with you to your grave but not necessarily be the reason why. Age can dramatically slow down some forms of cancer.
~The Doctor’s Son
Probably having a sun spot removed
@naked fuck you. I could’ve died.
-bm
sometimes I wonder if he could still bring me to orgasm.
-sw
@12 I hate you and all your family.
@12 sorry Bern how can I make it up to you? Handbridge Capital Poster for your prison cell?
He never ate me out, but the time he fingered me in a cab was one of the most erotic moments of my life.
-sw
Ken Lee Meju more.
Bernie may have told his inmate buddies he’s got colon cancer as a way to avoid his initiation ceremony.
How small was his dick? When the lights were off and I was drunk, I sometimes couldn’t tell if he was fingering or fucking me. True story.
Still got the job done, though.
-sw
Cancerous cancer. Worst kind.
Dialogue that often transpired in our hotel room went as follows:
“Do you have the condom on yet?” “I’m inside you.”
-sw
@19 – but did you climax?
@22 yes, many times.
-sw
13/16/19/21 I admire your commitment to the cause.
“I guess she might be suggesting that blowing Bernie must’ve been like a whale suckin on a Tic-Tac.”
~From Black Female Comic on “Def Comedy Jam” Whose Name I Cannot Remember
I’d say brain cancer but that’d be way too convenient of an excuse
SW: Give it to me Bernie
Bernie: It’s in so deep that the first guy to pull it out should rule all of Piscataway.
@analyst, how would brain cancer not be life threatening?
We sat down after dinner one night. I told him that I had something to share with him. Before he could say anything, I plunged in.
“I had an affair 15 years ago.”
He didn’t appear shocked or angry, but he asked: “With whom?”
This was the hard part. “With Bernie,” I said.
“How did it start?” he asked. So I told him: One day, at his office, during some little small talk I can’t remember now, suddenly it seemed like he gazed into my soul and he asked me, “Have you ever seen how a one-armed man counts his change?”
Prostate Cancer. Could be either slow/benign or rapid/serious. That would explain the confusion. But my response is way too serious for this website.
We sat down after dinner one night. I told him that I had something to share with him. Before he could say anything, I plunged in.
“I had Labiaplasty 15 years ago.”
He didn’t appear shocked or angry, but he asked: “Why?”
This was the hard part. “For purely cosmetic reasons,” I said.
“How did it start?” he asked. So I told him: One day, at his office, during some little small talk I can’t remember now, suddenly it seemed like he had a revelation: “Mrs. Michaels”, he said, “I would like to impregnate you with Greggums and then abandon you to the urban neighbors to use as they see fit. But first you must have the Labiaplasty.”
Could be Parkinson’s Disease. All the cool people don’t call it Parkinson’s anymore. They say, “I’ve got PD….”
If it’s prostate, someone’s gonna have to dig ‘er out!
is turrets a cancer?
-sw
When Bernard Madoff stole $50 billion from his investors, some of whom were his supposed friends and fuck buddies, he proved that he was a heartless liar. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprise if he were lying about something as serious as cancer.
“We checked back in with our source.”
Not “our sources,” but “our source.” Presumably incarcerated himself.
Just sayin’.
We sat down after dinner one night. I told him that I had something to share with him. Before he could say anything, I plunged in.
“I had an affair 15 years ago.”
He didn’t appear shocked or angry, but he asked: “With whom?”
This was the hard part. “With Bernie,” I said.
“How did it start?” he asked. So I told him: We were talking about dogs at Bernie’s office one day. I told Bernie that, unless they were victims of over-breeding, all dogs are basically Southerners.
Bernie wheeled around and gazed into my eyes. Then he motioned me to his desk and said, “Take a look at this “hot tip” I have for you. I gathered my jeweler’s loup and away we went.”
I am not an animal.
DK
28=ex-Lehman Quant.
Ha! “Madoff….” Yeah!! Like he MADE OFF with all the money!!!
~Guy Who Just Came Out of a 2 Year Coma
From the photo, I’m guessing hair cancer.
-Pfluger
Hmm. What would keep the buggerers off his tush, admit him to the platonic gay men’s club, and explain the 20-pill-a-day regimen? Those handies came at a grave cost.
Post modern cancer.