As previously mentioned, the specimen at at left is set to be described in "intimate detail" in an upcoming tell-all all by Sheryl Weinstein, a Madoff investor who alleges she got freaky with the big man. There will also be photographs. And, as a promotional tie-in, the release of a possible sex tape, distributed by Andrew Madoff's production company. Since odds are most of you have taken a little bit or a lot a bit of time already to think about it, what do we think we can expect, specs-wise? Obviously the sweatpants seem to indicate a pretty decently sized appendage but perhaps B-boy was stuffing? And in terms of grooming-- serious manscaping or a brillow pad that could rival even the most notoriously overgrown cock-bushes?
What Kind Of Package Is A Bernie Madoff Package?
Posted by Bess Levin, Aug 13, 2009, 9:46am
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Posted by highlyconfident , Aug 13, 2009 9:50AM
Bernie wearing a super mario costume sporting a mustache...yes it tickles, but only at first.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:53AM
If Ron Jeremy could do it, so can Bernie, dammit!
Bullseye!
BlackPoint
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:53AM
bess!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:53AM
is!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:53AM
back!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:54AM
@2 Somehow....that is correct! Hedgehog style!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:54AM
nobody's cock-bush is more overgrown than mine. NOBODY'S!!!
-SC
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:54AM
bess is back!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:55AM
Jewfro down under
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 9:57AM
"brillow pad"
Sweet baby Jesus, you were missed!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:00AM
Picture of Greg on a bike on UWS:
Scroll down to July 26th
http://www.latfh.com/page/2
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 13, 2009 10:00AM
No homo but it looks like he's sportin a John Holmes-sized organ, but, like his returns, it could all just be an not-so-clever ruse
Posted by Perkins Maxwell , Aug 13, 2009 10:03AM
Package as inflated as his returns.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:04AM
Dear Bess-
Welcome back. I was soooo tired of all the poking fun at my Greggums. His nervous tic got out of control. And the constant, furious masturbation was too much.
If you're driving Greggums home today, would you be a dear and pick up my xanax and KY at CVS?
Love,
Greg's Mom
Posted by InfiniteGuest , Aug 13, 2009 10:06AM
Depilated by friction.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:16AM
Thank our collective Gentile and Jew God that Bess is back.
Anyway, what happened to the classic, "let's get into this." sentence to end the post? Actually, let's not get into what is in there, because we know what is filling it up in the back office.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:16AM
Bess never missing a beat: priceless.
Don't ever go on vacation again.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:16AM
What is Ruth holding in this picture?
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:18AM
The better question is what is filling him up in the back office.
Posted by Tax Chick , Aug 13, 2009 10:20AM
Given his obsessive compulsive need for neat and orderly, I am going with waxed clean. The man likes to get his shine on.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:22AM
@18 a heinz bottle
Posted by NakedShort , Aug 13, 2009 10:23AM
@21 Nope red top indicates Tobasco
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:26AM
Oh joy Bess! So nice to have you back! I know I speak for EVERYONE - we truly missed you...
It's gonna be a great day.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:27AM
@naked is right. and it makes sense, tabasco sauce being the shit that keeps your mojo mojo'ing.
-porno gil
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:29AM
At the DB office this morning.
Greg is at his desk sleeping with a newspaper draped over him. Levin walks in. He bangs on the door.
Greg wakes up.
Greg: Bess, you're back.
BL: Greg, I'm surprised to see you here.
Greg: You are?
BL: I though you would have taken the large office.
Greg: Oh. Really.
BL: I guess I didn't make that clear when I hired you.
So where's that Pensky file? Let's see what you've been up to all week. (pages through the file) Greg, What have you been doing all week?
Greg: Well you missed a lovely little party that we had for EP.
BL: You haven't done anything with this.
Greg: Well bear in mind that I am in the smaller office.
BL: I'm beginning to wonder if you understand anything.
Greg: You are aware that Carney at Clusterstock is interested in me.
BL: (scoffs) You're not Carney material.
Greg: Well, we'll just see about that. Ta-ta, Lev-in!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:29AM
I never thought I'd get a warm, fuzzy feeling from the phrase "the most notoriously overgrown cock-bushes", but I do as it means I can come back and start reading the site again. Bess is back, and there's gonna be trouble, hey-la, hey-la, Bess Levin's back . . .
Posted by EvilBuzzard , Aug 13, 2009 10:32AM
...and it was said the Bernie never went anywhere without a change of socks handy at all times.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:36AM
OMG i finally figfured it out. Where is Ruth's right hand??? It is her right hand that is down his pants making that bulge. You can practically see the outline of her arm going down the sweatpants
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 10:44AM
Greg you sick fuck, why are you posting about Madoff's penis? It's juvenile and unimaginative and...huh?...what's that...this is a Bess post?
Hahaha! Hilarious Bess! O man, what a great post. Keep it up!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:16AM
@29 = Greg ... but very very accurate!!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:20AM
ALL POTATOS NOT MEAT!! NOW KNOWN IN JAIL AS THE "TEABAGGIN TYCOON".
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:20AM
please, please get an advance copy of this book!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:27AM
@29 In what kind of bizzaro world would Greg write anything remotely close to this? He's probably on the phone with his Mom asking what a cock bush is.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:30AM
@29 that was a retarded comment. off yourself.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:34AM
@33 & 34 Thank you for existing. Without people like you, my comment never would've happened. Perhaps you're too dense to realize that.
-29
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 11:45AM
@28 OMG I think you might be right...
Posted by Joseph di Jersey City , Aug 13, 2009 12:13PM
36: Yea, 28 is right!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 12:34PM
I want to see at least one statement/ invoice from the past 10 days for
Name: Bess Levin
MC ending in: 2576
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 12:59PM
What would Ayn Rand say?
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 1:47PM
@39...nothing.
she'd be feasting on cock!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 2:21PM
@38
http://dealbreaker.com/2009/08/t-boone-pickens-has-a-new-targ.php#c16
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 3:01PM
Wondering if those sweatpants could possibly be any higher.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 3:05PM
Wow well this is pretty impressive: 28 solved the "Bernie has a huge package" mystery, its been Ruth all along - the queenpin!
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 3:42PM
@41, Thanks. Been away too. Guess you had to be there though.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2009 3:49PM
looks like he dropped a tin of skoal down there for the effect.
Posted by guest , Aug 14, 2009 12:54AM
Looks more like a sac of paper clips. Midget garmento nothing more.