In a purely hypothetical scenario, how does a racist crypt keeper sound? Here’s the sitch. Basically no one watches FBN. That much should be obvious but here it is: for the month of June, from 5 to 9 PM, CNBC’s audience was 11 times the size of Fox’s, which hurts pretty bad, especially considering the GE-owned network, by its own admission, has no standards. Where FBN is most noticeably getting its ass kicked is the 6 to 9 AM time slot, i.e. the domain of Alexis Glick, host of “Money For Breakfast.” Now executives are apparently strongly considering throwing Glick out on her ass, and replacing it by Don Imus, who sort of knows what he’s talking about re: Wall Street, kind of. Doesn’t much matter. What’s being banked on is the NPH enthusiast’s ability to lure you away from shit like the Hot Carl Crew of Becky Quick, Joe Kernan and Mr. Quintilla, the competition at the time. Would Big D do the trick? What if they threw in Jeff Macke, a pair of scantily clad tits, and a buncha car people? How ’bout now?
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- Use the Bloomberg command
NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <GO>
to access Dealbreaker
don imus, amanda drury and jeff macke? i’d watch.
“don imus, amanda drury and jeff macke? i’d watch.”
that’s a 3some that’ll haunt your dreams.
no
Jim Cramer, in a banana hammock, along with his sidekick, Nails, reading NY Post headlines.
@4 – seek help immediately. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
@4 id watch
throw in rachel madoff and you’ve got a show…wtf people? I think we’d be better off if cnbc just had the ticker and some dancing girls. nobody is listening to that trash anyway. why is everyone over-thinking this one?
@cluzo, we’re talking about fbn, not cnbc
anyone else notice Maria B’s nose-job?
gianna michaels and racquel darrien reading the tape
i’d watch
@9 no…
I would watch FBN if they had a group of CFAs battling a group of MBAs in a round robin thumb wrestling tournament to see whose designation reigns supreme.
@naked- you’re good
Glick in just bra, I’d watch
Chaz reading poetry
Does Imus smell as bad as he looks?
Hmmm . . . with the right cast, Naked News Meets FBN could have some potential.
NakedShort – replace thumb wrestling with japanese gameshow and i think we have a the start of a good 3 hours of show.
next have “dumb call of the day” where the hosts make fun of analyst upgrades/downgrades and/or conference call speak (this part needs more granularity)
finally, end the show with “pick of the day” wherein the hosts compare boogers.
Oh sure. You bet. I’m going to watch Imus. Uh-huh…that’s a fact, right Robin?? OK, what’s next…Keilbasa swallowing lady?? Let’s do it…\
H. Stern
New York
is “NPH enthusiast” mean what i think it means?
They seem to be failing with the slight variation of the CNBC model:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/cnbc_anyone_who_owns_a_suit?utm_source=a-section
Imus Haiku
************
Ungh.. gurgle… “nappy”
Cowboy hat…went satelite
Aint no Quivers here
seriously though, they were nappy headed, and likely hoes.
@merkin
too soon
Dennis Kneale molested by a gang of collies.
“What Would It Take To Get You To Watch Fox Business?”
Bess–that’s easy: You. C’mon, add some TV experience to your blogging. Of course, the oh-so cultured readership of this blog would be more focused on what parts of you the ticker was obscuring than on what you’re saying, but they’d watch religiously….
And you’d be a huge step up over anyone else on that channel. Come to think of it, how about a grassroots campaign to kill Cody Willard and replace him with Bess?
Ivanka Trump doing her amazing ping pong ball trick with Alexis Glick at bat using a block of provolone cheese. 3 hours. Everyday. Follow it up with Cody Willard being punched in the face on repeat for two hours and you’ve got one new viewer.
Dennis Kneale torn to shreds by a marauding pack of collies. The resulting chum thrown to a school? of coked up Mexican Cocaine Sharks.
FBN should hire Amanda Drury…
Alexis Glick’s audience is “too small to be reported?” Wow. I’ll be if she read the news while dreamily polishing a codpiece she’d get a ratings bump.
I think Fox’s problem is that business news is too reality-based. CNBC-bashers notwithstanding, it’s just too hard to make things up and throw it out on the air.
“business news is too reality-based”
what in the hell does that mean?
They should go for Cramer. One third of his viewership is of the “Pam from the Panhandle” variety.
Don Imus is the man. Fred Imus is even funnier.
And… what about seat belts? To fasten, take the little end and stick it in the big end and… you know what? If you guys don’t know how to use a seatbelt, just ring your call button and Tommy will come back there and hit you on the head with a tack hammer because you’re a *retard*.
Jenna Lee 24/7.
Jenna Lee v. Jenna Jameson
Alexis Glick v. My D_ck
Liz Claman bra-less. They’d be Number ONE in about 5 seconds.
If the market is up, then Alexis Glick does the show topless. But the minute the Dow or S&P 500 drops into the red she has to cover up. Carrots, sticks and ratings magic.
FBN’s biggest competitor is Fox News Network. Think about it, only Fox News viewers would be interested in FBN, so playing a zero sum game is fatal for FBN.
So they want to put Imus in that morning slot to compete against MSNBC, where Imus used to sit. That’s the only way they can add viewers to the Fox empire because it would not cannibalize Fox News any further.
I believe that gradually FBN will become something else. Unless Murdoch goes away and somebody new pulls the plug altogether.
@39, No. This is equivalent to saying CNBC’s biggest competitor is MSNBC. Why does MSNBC not cannibalize CNBC? You lose.
I call @39 the “Fox News Briefer”
Broadcast Fox Biz on the web for free. Get better talent. The politics over in Fox News is overshadowing FB, so no one’s gonna watch. They will watch Cramer, Kudlow and Kneale (the Primetime Pundits)
@40
They couldn’t cannibalize me
-Mark Haines
Naw… the best way to increase viewership would be to really issue all the commentators their nice freshly pressed white hoods, and then drop them off in South LA or Overtown Florida. Film as a true reality show.
The real hotties,Jenna Lee and Margaret Brennan 9 to 11 a.m, would send Erin Burnett to her rich boyfriend demanding to marry her b/c her show is sinking.
When did Fox get a Business channel?
@40
Wrong analysis. Here’s why.
The Fox News name attracts political news junkies (overwhelmingly conservatives). So the great idea was to have a Fox Business channel that would attract the same, but with interests in business news.
But what did CNBC do in response to that challenge? They became more right wing as soon as FBN came on the air. All of the sudden you had people like Gasparino and Santelli reciting Republican talking points all day. And people like MCC, Kudlow, MF and JK were already right wing talking heads to begin with.
So the CNBC viewers who would consider shifting to FBN because of their political views didn’t have much interest in moving out of CNBC. That left just the Fox News viewers as the most likely to switch to FBN, therefore the zero sum game for Fox.
Your analogy between CNBC and MSNBC doesn’t make sense since MSNBC is to compete for the core news junkie, not the business news audience. MSNBC goes after CNN and Fox News, not CNBC (or FBN).
- The “Fox News Briefer”
Even if you put Liz Claman in an Amish dress I’d watch. So take off 1/2 that? Instant viewership. Schwingggg!
@37 I”m with you on bra-less Liz C.
But all you fools are missing one major point when u diss FBN: there’s a precedent that’s been set that should be very nervewracking to CNBC: The history of Fox News crushing both MSNBC and CNN. Yeah FBN has small number of viewers NOW, just like Fox News did. But 3 years from now? They could very well perform a repeat act and beat CNBC. Not totally out of the realm of possibility, considering CNBC on-air folks are such jerks.
maybe if they were on my cable i’d watch but cablevison sucks
maybe if they were on my cable i’d watch but cablevison sucks
maybe if they were on my cable i’d watch but cablevison sucks
DgDKi8 Enjoyed every bit of your blog post. Want more.
Looking forward to reading more. Great blog.Much thanks again. Will read on…
Say, you got a nice blog.Really looking forward to read more. Much obliged.