I don’t know what you people do when you realize you’ve been had (roll over and take it, probably) but Dalton Chiscolm is saying enough! While it’s unclear exactly what he’s upset about, the gist is that earlier this summer DC tried to deposit a bunch of checks with Bank of America, which he claims were rejected due to incomplete routing numbers. Then he got on the horn in an attempt to get some answers, and received “inconsistent information from a Spanish woman.” Obviously, the only left to do was demand Ken Lewis personally place a series of unmarked bills in however many trash bags it takes to hold $1,784 billion, trillion (plus $200,164,000) and nobody gets hurt. Chiscolm filed this request with the Southern District of New York back in August, and now that Judge Denny Chin has finally gotten off his ass and to read and respond to the thing, it sounds like this all might actually pan out.* (If Lewis can’t come up with the scratch, Chiscolm will take the 23 quadrillion he knows they’ve got on hand.)
*If someone can get past what seems to be the impression that Chis is insane.
I demand that you pay me ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
- Dr. Evil
Dalton Chiscolm is a friend of mine. I lent him my calculator once, though, and he never gave it back.
-cg
Bank of America investigators reportedly asked each other: “OK…now,… what’s the “catch” here?”
That seems like an excessive amount of money.
I think he has a clear cut case.
~Jeff M.
Has anyone seen my lost Collie?
-Dk
We’d be glad to sell him an annuity guaranteeing him lifetime income if he should win his case.
~AIG Annuity and Actuarial Team
Rumor has it that Greg’s mom is all over Dalton’s glistening chode.
Too bad the big casino took out Johnnie Cochran. He’d be all over this slamdunk lawsuit.
See – this is exactly what happens when you start talking to car people like 1/2 hour ago.
C’mon Greg. You’re killing us.
If he wins, I can tell him how to get 20% compounded annually if he’ll just contact me.
~B Madoff
They should arrest this man. Wasting taxpayer $ and court time.
@13…we are talking about a nut, not Tom DeLay.
@11 huh?
I’m not a lawyer but I thought that BofA had a federal charter and the amount sought is way over $10,000 or $20,000 or whatever the threshold is. So the guy feels he was damaged by a federally chartered bank which holds taxpayor money so why wouldn’t it be a federal case?
He must have gotten his cut of Mr. Claudio Kabila’s, the second son of the late Laurent Kabila Former President of the Democratic Republic of Congo (D.R.C), billions.
Crap, does that mean I am out of luck at sharing in the great wealth?!
@7
Why wait until he wins the case? We have a golden opportunity right here, right now. We can provide him with $1,784 million billion dollars until he settles with Bank of America, at which point in time we’ll receive $1,784 billion trillion dollars from the judge’s ruling. That’s like a 200,000% return! In addition, we can hedge our position to lock in some profit just incase it doesn’t work out as planned. Goldman Sachs is offering us 2:1 odds that this case will even make it to court. This way, if he loses the case, we can still make bank.
-Smarter Employee at the AIG Annuity and Actuarial Team
…more Aboriginal percussionists! And I want an army of digeridoos. Fifty thousand digeridoos!
@18
Fuckin’ A. Now, time for my bike ride.
-J. Cassano
You are all wrong. Our firm will immediately advance him 10% of the NPV of the $1,784 Billion Trillion upon his promise of 35% of his settlement over the amount advanced. We’ll sell that deal to LLoyd’s who will sell it to CEOs of prosperous natgas companies in Oklahoma.
~Managing Director of AIG “Structured Payout Quantannuities” Department
That’s a lot of money!
Greg
Now is a good time for aggrieved BofA customers to invest in real estate and casinos.
~D. Trump
Please, we lose $1,784 billion, trillion every day. Wake me when we’re talking real money.
-RBS’er
Does BAC have to disclose this suit on an 8-K or 10Q? It seems like an awful lot of money, which could have a material effect on earnings.
Its not widely known, but this potential settlement was the catalyst of the bank capital shortfalls, and what prompted Timmy to begin “stress testing.” The worthless structured bonds formerly rated AAA were only a small component of the problem.
-cg
Wouldn’t Chiscolm’s lawsuit force the US government to print that amount of money in advance due to the contingent liability of him winning the case?
~L. Kudlow
@21 Tough sell. That crowd is too busy buying their own stock on margin
@27 BAC buying nickel & zinc today. Rumor is they’re going to pay in dimes
@25 The SEC requires material legal proceedings to be disclosed. No information need be given with respect to any proceeding that involves primarily a claim for damages if the amount involved, exclusive of interest and costs, does not exceed 10 percent of the current assets of the registrant and its subsidiaries on a consolidated basis.
Not clear from the proceedings, but it appears the $200MM is the damages portion of the claim. Depending on how you value BACs assets, this could be 10%.
News of this huge contingent liability will cause me to change my outlook on BAC’s rating to negative.
We are monitoring this situation very closely.
- Rating agency managing director of financial institutions group.
These comments are, Very Funny.
-TBS
michael moore – is that you?
Dad,
Stop filing lawsuits. Put on Jeopardy would ya.
-CG
“Coincidentally this guy is a featured story in my new film.”
-Slob Genius
The problem is that the checks were drawn on Martian banks, which use a different routing number format than we do.
However, if the plaintiff will check his account’s T&C, he will find that all deposits above a certain amount are held until the checks clear. Even if they’d processed the checks, he’d only be entitled to the use of like a hundred bucks until the Martians deliver the Unobtanium to Fort Knox which the USG has required for them to be allowed to tie into the ACH system and be issued compliant routing numbers.
He will be retaining Orly Taitz on appeal.
I don’t understand the problem. Banks deal with fictional numbers daily, and we all know they have money printing machines in the basement. Settle out of court for Eleventy Million Billion and be done with it.
The cheap shot at Judge Chin — “he has finaly gotten off his ass” — is bogus. Judges are judges, not parties, and they normally do not and should not react to a complant as soon as it is filed, and this case is no exception to the general rule.
Here’s at least one of the guys that voted for Obama!
@39:
The cheap shot at the judge is not bogus. It is a real cheap shot. I am expert in these matters.
-cg
@39 um, seriously? are you not familiar with this thing called ‘sarcasm’ sometimes employed by the editor of this site?
I am the CEO of a hedge fund. How do federal judges get so much power when they don’t drive Rolls, or 475 foot yachts or have a 5 story mausoleum constructed already?
1.784 billion, trillion > chins in the Chinese phone book
-Nominate me
@39 is trying to get Chiscolm to sign an attorney/client contract.
Chiscolm: Should I make it $1 billion, trillion?
Lady: You think that would be enough?
Chiscolm: You are right. $1.5 billion, trillion.
Lady: As long as you’re asking, why not go for a cool $1.784 billion, trillion?
Chiscolm: You do not think that would be too much?
Lady: Naaaah.
-Nominate me
sorry, i just finished jerking off in a towel. what happened to this guy?
Jeff E
Ges, Ges thas white
jew ned to redopsit the cheeks agin miser Cheeseom.
Yur weelcome
Spanish woman
#16. “So the guy feels he was damaged by a federally chartered bank which holds taxpayor money so why wouldn’t it be a federal case?”
Because there are only two ways to make of something a federal case. It eitherhas to allege a federal cause of action (i.e. the violation of a law of the United states) or diversity jurisdiction (litigants from different states).
I’m not sure how diversity jursidiction works with banks — whether the bank’s state would be the state of incorporation or of headquarters.
But that doesn’t really matter because the plaintiff does call this a diversity case. he calls it a “federal question” case, which requires that he specify what US law is at issue.
federally chartered is not enough. Taxpayer money is not enough. Neitgher by itself turns an issue of routing numbers and the rejection of a deposit (or rude Spanish women) into a federal question.
Was VERY surprised to see that the plaintiff was NOT knwon pro se madman Jonathan Lee Riches.
Maybe he can file an amicus brief.
RULE 11 if it gets passed a 12b6! (Which it won’t)
pay him in Zimbabwe dollars and be done with it.