‘Cause Chaz lost a boatload of it last night. If you want to go there, go there, but I’m just saying you do so at your own risk. We spoke to CG earlier today while he was sitting on a tarmac in Texas and apparently he was at the Giants/Cowboys game last night pulling for Dallas. This was pretty shocking to us because a) CG doesn’t come off as a football guy, period and b) Dallas? What’s that about? Obviously we pushed him on this one.
According to Gaspo, he became a Cowboys fan because “they won my father a lot of money,” and on account of him having “a lotta friends down there” which he wouldn’t explain further (obviously the proximity to Tijuana is a huge draw). If you want to give him shit for that, you’re not alone– Gaspo ran into Rudy Guiliani, who punched the Jabroni Pony the chest (I thought this was weird, too) after hearing he wasn’t there to support New York. Other than the loss, which Chazo is still getting over, the weekend down South with best bud Eddie Grant was apparently a pretty good time. Charles insisted on enumerating the highlights for me which were 1) the boys going shopping at Neiman Marcus where CG “got some nice shirts” (you’ll probably be seeing them on-air soon), 2) eating some “phenomenal Mexican food” at a place called Javiers, and 3) being stopped “probably a hundred times” by “Wall Street guys” all of whom wanted to tell CG just how great he is, except for one who Gas told us, “gave me a hard time, sayin’ I cut people off too much. So you know what I did? I cut him off!”
I asked Chaz what he thought he could do to ensure a victory next week and in not so many words, he told us it would involve reading passages from his book, The Sell-Out, to the troops before game time. If anyone knows how it could arranged to get him in the locker room, please contact us immediately.
Tony Romo is a friend of mine.
-cg
I ain’t no fag but I’d blow Tony Romo 12 times to Tuesday.
-cg
Javier’s is a pretty great place. I was in there one time and saw “Wynona” and her entourage come in. They wouldn’t seat her boyfriend until he put a blazer on over his T-shirt. A lot of the country fans walked up to her for autographs and pics. She obliged everyone which I thought was pretty nice.
By the way, did we all see Jerry Jones digging out a booger with his thumb on live TV in the first quarter? You can take the boy out of the country but you cant take the country out of the boy.
Bess, you misheard me, I said Rudy “took a shit on my chest.”
-CG
Thanks for the fucking low down on Javiers. I’ll be sure to stop by to see if I can find Wynona and her entourage.
Did not know Neiman has a line of cut-offs.
The new stadium has “cage dancers.” That may explain it all.
I can’t wait to see his new V-neck silks.
That’s Eddie, owner of the finest gay bar in New Jersey, right?
so chaz jerks it to Tony Romo. Somehow this makes total sense.
Bess, wanna go to Giants game with me?
@CG Javiers is the best mexican food in Dallas. I didn’t see you there, but i’m sure you saw me.
Saddle Tramp Hotel
1818 R.L Thornton Fwy
Dallas, TX 75210
**************************
Guest: Gasparino, C.
Room: Bowlegs Suite
Rate: $5,500.00
***************************
Charges to Room:
Blue Foam Cowboy Hat………..$ 11.00
1 Pint “Tabasco” Lube………… 18.00
Services: Body Waxing………… 875.00
Wrist Exercisers (2)…………….. 9.00
Sheepskin Chaps……………….. 225.00
Rosetta Stone Sftwre(Texan)… 450.00
Meatball Sandwich…………….. 12.00
Lifesize Jessica Simpson photo.. 55.00
Live goat…………………………….. 75.00
Mayan High priest Head dress… 145.00
Lifesize Tony Romo Pic (groin Missing) 55.00
David Carradine Photo……………… 25.00
I barrel WTI Crude oil……………….. 85.00
Horizontal Peephole Drilling……… 442.00
Lap designed “Sneeze Bar”………… 85.00
Cowboy Logo Tube Socks…………. 35.00
Phone Chg: Dallas “Party Line”…… 35.00
Phone Chg: Ft. Worth “Party Line”… 55.00
Phone Chg: Muleshoe “Party Line” .. 155.00
250 Rolls Toilet Paper………………….. 100.00
Silencer for .45 cal pistol……………… 125.00
Lasso………………………………………. 18.00
Book: “Famous Italian Cowboys”…… 22.00
Tickets: Sixth Floor Museum………… 15.00
Install: Auto-Mechanical Bull……….. 865.00
Custom made Mickey Gilley Pillow…… 65.00
Stirrups………………………………………. 34.00
Replace with Medical Stirrups per Guest.. 125.00
San Antonio Riverwalk Barge………………. 1,800.00
Slip ‘n slide……………………………………… 18.00
Gillette “32 Blade” Razor (prototype)….. 2,200.00
Battle of Alamo Reinactment in Room… 5,500.00
Replaced Mexicans with “Eye-talians”…. 800.00
Life size “nude” photo of Jerry Jones….. 125.00
Set of Competition Darts…………………. 65.00
Meatball Sandwich………………………… 12.00
Work Out Pants with Longhorn Motif…. 55.00
Service: Answer.com: “Define Motif”…. 10.00
@12 some of your best work
“Proximity to Tijuana” requires some elucidation.
@14 really? you really need that one spelled out for you?
hahahaha @12!
@12, triumphant return.
@15 I’d be much obliged, ma’am.
@14…..I think Miss Levin could have possibly been meaning “Nuevo Laredo” and it’s infamous “Boy’s Town” (not to be confused with the home for orphans and abandoned kids west of Omaha) when the city name “Tijuana” popped onto the written page. Tijuana is, of course, just south of San Diego, CA, and has provided the same services as Nuevo Laredo for centuries.
I urge you to try to hear the famous “Laredo Rose” by the Texas Tornados to get a flovor of the Nuevo Laredo scene from an Anglo point of view. A blood alcohol level of .008 would be appropriate at that time to enjoy the song. If you can’t find “Laredo Rose”, please seek out “Hey Baby, Que Paso?” for similar moods.
@19, that makes sense.
no way is this Levin. i sense Greggum’s work here
CG – Don’t bother coming back to the East coast you fucking shine!
@12:
totally missed the itemized receipts, man. great comeback, looking for more. I hope DB directs some attention to the thread b/c this is an instant classic, along with “body colored snorkel” and “how to goldplate anything”
I cut the sleeves off because it looks awesome, get your head in the game.
@21 this sounds nothing like GM, and exactly like Bess.
@CG you comin’ over tonight? tick tock..
-tony ro
@tony BE THERE IN 5!!!!!
-cg