'Cause Chaz lost a boatload of it last night. If you want to go there, go there, but I'm just saying you do so at your own risk. We spoke to CG earlier today while he was sitting on a tarmac in Texas and apparently he was at the Giants/Cowboys game last night pulling for Dallas. This was pretty shocking to us because a) CG doesn't come off as a football guy, period and b) Dallas? What's that about? Obviously we pushed him on this one.
According to Gaspo, he became a Cowboys fan because "they won my father a lot of money," and on account of him having "a lotta friends down there" which he wouldn't explain further (obviously the proximity to Tijuana is a huge draw). If you want to give him shit for that, you're not alone-- Gaspo ran into Rudy Guiliani, who punched the Jabroni Pony the chest (I thought this was weird, too) after hearing he wasn't there to support New York. Other than the loss, which Chazo is still getting over, the weekend down South with best bud Eddie Grant was apparently a pretty good time. Charles insisted on enumerating the highlights for me which were 1) the boys going shopping at Neiman Marcus where CG "got some nice shirts" (you'll probably be seeing them on-air soon), 2) eating some "phenomenal Mexican food" at a place called Javiers, and 3) being stopped "probably a hundred times" by "Wall Street guys" all of whom wanted to tell CG just how great he is, except for one who Gas told us, "gave me a hard time, sayin' I cut people off too much. So you know what I did? I cut him off!"
I asked Chaz what he thought he could do to ensure a victory next week and in not so many words, he told us it would involve reading passages from his book, The Sell-Out, to the troops before game time. If anyone knows how it could arranged to get him in the locker room, please contact us immediately.






Posted by pfluger , Sep 21, 2009 5:18PM
Tony Romo is a friend of mine.
-cg
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 5:19PM
I ain't no fag but I'd blow Tony Romo 12 times to Tuesday.
-cg
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 5:21PM
Javier's is a pretty great place. I was in there one time and saw "Wynona" and her entourage come in. They wouldn't seat her boyfriend until he put a blazer on over his T-shirt. A lot of the country fans walked up to her for autographs and pics. She obliged everyone which I thought was pretty nice.
By the way, did we all see Jerry Jones digging out a booger with his thumb on live TV in the first quarter? You can take the boy out of the country but you cant take the country out of the boy.
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 5:21PM
Bess, you misheard me, I said Rudy "took a shit on my chest."
-CG
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 5:23PM
Thanks for the fucking low down on Javiers. I'll be sure to stop by to see if I can find Wynona and her entourage.
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 5:26PM
Did not know Neiman has a line of cut-offs.
The new stadium has "cage dancers." That may explain it all.
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 5:30PM
I can't wait to see his new V-neck silks.
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 5:31PM
That's Eddie, owner of the finest gay bar in New Jersey, right?
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 5:38PM
so chaz jerks it to Tony Romo. Somehow this makes total sense.
Posted by Joe Mac , Sep 21, 2009 5:41PM
Bess, wanna go to Giants game with me?
Posted by Cash McMogulson III , Sep 21, 2009 5:44PM
@CG Javiers is the best mexican food in Dallas. I didn't see you there, but i'm sure you saw me.
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 5:48PM
Saddle Tramp Hotel
1818 R.L Thornton Fwy
Dallas, TX 75210
**************************
Guest: Gasparino, C.
Room: Bowlegs Suite
Rate: $5,500.00
***************************
Charges to Room:
Blue Foam Cowboy Hat...........$ 11.00
1 Pint "Tabasco" Lube............ 18.00
Services: Body Waxing............ 875.00
Wrist Exercisers (2)................. 9.00
Sheepskin Chaps.................... 225.00
Rosetta Stone Sftwre(Texan)... 450.00
Meatball Sandwich................. 12.00
Lifesize Jessica Simpson photo.. 55.00
Live goat................................... 75.00
Mayan High priest Head dress... 145.00
Lifesize Tony Romo Pic (groin Missing) 55.00
David Carradine Photo.................. 25.00
I barrel WTI Crude oil.................... 85.00
Horizontal Peephole Drilling......... 442.00
Lap designed "Sneeze Bar"............ 85.00
Cowboy Logo Tube Socks............. 35.00
Phone Chg: Dallas "Party Line"...... 35.00
Phone Chg: Ft. Worth "Party Line"... 55.00
Phone Chg: Muleshoe "Party Line" .. 155.00
250 Rolls Toilet Paper....................... 100.00
Silencer for .45 cal pistol.................. 125.00
Lasso.............................................. 18.00
Book: "Famous Italian Cowboys"...... 22.00
Tickets: Sixth Floor Museum............ 15.00
Install: Auto-Mechanical Bull........... 865.00
Custom made Mickey Gilley Pillow...... 65.00
Stirrups.............................................. 34.00
Replace with Medical Stirrups per Guest.. 125.00
San Antonio Riverwalk Barge................... 1,800.00
Slip 'n slide............................................. 18.00
Gillette "32 Blade" Razor (prototype)..... 2,200.00
Battle of Alamo Reinactment in Room... 5,500.00
Replaced Mexicans with "Eye-talians".... 800.00
Life size "nude" photo of Jerry Jones..... 125.00
Set of Competition Darts...................... 65.00
Meatball Sandwich.............................. 12.00
Work Out Pants with Longhorn Motif.... 55.00
Service: Answer.com: "Define Motif".... 10.00
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 5:49PM
@12 some of your best work
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 5:52PM
"Proximity to Tijuana" requires some elucidation.
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 5:54PM
@14 really? you really need that one spelled out for you?
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 5:57PM
hahahaha @12!
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 6:00PM
@12, triumphant return.
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 6:05PM
@15 I'd be much obliged, ma'am.
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 6:13PM
@14.....I think Miss Levin could have possibly been meaning "Nuevo Laredo" and it's infamous "Boy's Town" (not to be confused with the home for orphans and abandoned kids west of Omaha) when the city name "Tijuana" popped onto the written page. Tijuana is, of course, just south of San Diego, CA, and has provided the same services as Nuevo Laredo for centuries.
I urge you to try to hear the famous "Laredo Rose" by the Texas Tornados to get a flovor of the Nuevo Laredo scene from an Anglo point of view. A blood alcohol level of .008 would be appropriate at that time to enjoy the song. If you can't find "Laredo Rose", please seek out "Hey Baby, Que Paso?" for similar moods.
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 6:19PM
@19, that makes sense.
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 6:37PM
no way is this Levin. i sense Greggum's work here
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 6:44PM
CG - Don't bother coming back to the East coast you fucking shine!
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 8:41PM
@12:
totally missed the itemized receipts, man. great comeback, looking for more. I hope DB directs some attention to the thread b/c this is an instant classic, along with "body colored snorkel" and "how to goldplate anything"
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 11:22PM
I cut the sleeves off because it looks awesome, get your head in the game.
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 11:57PM
@21 this sounds nothing like GM, and exactly like Bess.
Posted by guest , Sep 21, 2009 11:58PM
@CG you comin' over tonight? tick tock..
-tony ro
Posted by guest , Sep 22, 2009 12:00AM
@tony BE THERE IN 5!!!!!
-cg
Posted by guest , Sep 22, 2009 12:37AM
Another Zucker Sucker
Posted by guest , Sep 22, 2009 1:44AM
@12 is epic brilliance.
Posted by guest , Sep 22, 2009 10:53AM
Not to be a buzz kill, but Tijuana is nowhere near Texas (it's a Cali border town)....