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Guillible Imbeciles At SEC Easily ‘Distracted’ By Bernie Madoff’s ‘Captivating’ Tales, Bellybuttons

berniemadoffdance.pngSorry if this comes off as insensitive to the victims, but does this guy not just get more awesome by the hour? And the SEC, if possible, more retarded?

One investigator described Mr. Madoff as “a wonderful storyteller” and “a captivating speaker” … the examiner said he found it “interesting” but also “distracting” because they were there “to conduct business.” As to why Madoff did not collect fees like all other hedge-fund managers, they accepted his response that he was not “greedy” and was happy with just receiving commissions.

Of course, Berns really didn’t even have to go into such elaborate tales in order to pull the Ponzi over these people’s eyes. It sounds like a simple “Hey, look over there!” or “No further questions” would’ve sufficed.

There were also simple bureaucratic foul-ups, like the one in which different branch offices of the S.E.C. were both looking into the operations of Mr. Madoff. “Astoundingly, both examinations were open at the same time in different offices without either knowing the other one was conducting an identical examination,” Mr. Kotz noted.
“In fact, it was Madoff himself who informed one of the examination teams that the other examination team had already received the information they were seeking from him.”

Basically, Day One at Clownface College needs to be “The Pencil Sharpener: No Matter How Curious, Do Not Stick Your Dick In It.”

Madoff Was A ‘Wonderful Storyteller,’ Says SEC Employees
[Daily Intel]



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60 Responses to “Guillible Imbeciles At SEC Easily ‘Distracted’ By Bernie Madoff’s ‘Captivating’ Tales, Bellybuttons”

  1. guest says:

    Is our children learning?
    -mary schapiro, dean of students @ clownface college

  2. guest says:

    amazing

  3. guest says:

    Question: Glasses or no glasses on my date tonight with a titty dancer? I happen to think they make me look distinguished.
    -CG

  4. guest says:

    @3: make sure you wear a shirt with sleeves

  5. NakedShort says:

    @3 CG be sure and give your undercarriage a good cleaning a la Matthew Broderick in Election.
    You never know, you might get lucky and based on your vigorous workout regimen you’ll want that bad boy to smell tip top.

  6. Becky Boot Fan says:

    He can disarm you with his hands or his wit, either way.
    He can speak French, in Russian.
    He can satisfy the flappiest vagina with his modest penis.
    “…stay horny, my friends.”

  7. guest says:

    I would prefer death by gay Snu Snu.
    BM

  8. guest says:

    @7 youd prefer death by gay snu snu to what?

  9. NakedShort says:

    Bud Light Presents: Real Women of Genius
    Today we salute you. Miss SEC Enforcement Officer. Having zero knowledge of the finance indusrty and a shiny new J.D., you head into the Lipstick Building to do an audit.
    Sure the guy in charge is charming, looks so regal and tells stories about how even though his tiny circumsized penis is hidden beneath a massive cock bush it, like a mountain lion, is ready at all times to pounce on a pussy and ravage her.
    Your keen instincts tells you that this guy is fucked 7 ways to Sunday and something super shady is going on here. But, according to him he could be the new head of the SEC, you start to think promotion if you laugh at his jokes. That and how hard does the government REALLY expect you to work on 100k a year?
    So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, SEC Slut. ‘Cause we all know, the the going gets tough, the tough get fold like cheap lawn chair.

  10. SEC Examiner says:

    Dammit Bess – NOW you tell me!
    That advice about the pencil sharpener would have been helpful yesterday, thank you.
    I’ve gotta go take a shower – I think to save time I’ll take my hair dryer in with me.

  11. guest says:

    @7: snu snu must be tough with such a small lower horn

  12. guest says:

    A Condensed One Act Play by the Trader Between Trades.
    Scene: CNBC Studios Show, “Lancing the Market”with Mortimer Snerd and Effie Klinker
    *****************************
    Schapiro: “Fraud College!”
    Macke: “I’m going to talk to you like a child…”
    Kneale: Dickweeds!!
    D-Rat: “but waitwaitwait, remember stay with me now, then..
    Najarian: “This pic is better…”
    Drury: “I hid 2 reepiblican govs on today and…”
    Gov. Stanford: “Tango and cash!!!”
    Imus: “Uh…going to Fox..nappy..ungh..gurgle
    Maria B: “Well why arent YOU on it???”
    Benmosche: “Lets go behind closed doors…”
    Sweet Ashley: Let him without sin cast th..OW!!! Effin Santelli”!
    Imus: “I am your father Luke…..”
    Madoff: “That isn’t an “outie” down there……”
    S. Weinstein: “FRAUD COLLEGE….”
    Benmosche: Some fighters don’t have sex before a fight!
    Cuomo: “……………..”
    Gaspo: “I am not a blogger, I’m an effin columnist!
    Maria B.: “I’ll take Maria Bartiromo for $10″, Alex…
    Drury: “The dickabox is a greet CNBC spishell iffict!”
    Benmosche: “Float like a brick, sting like a feather!!”
    Cuomo: You wear the jockstrap and cup UNDER your trunks!”
    Hugh from Ice Road Truckers: “What the fuck?”
    Drury: “Nixt, riscuing ice road trekkers from wricked trucks!”
    Maria: “Next: 64 Years after atomic attacks on Germany…”
    MCC: “Look at all the boobs here today, would ya?”
    Macke: “GAG BALL!”
    Cramer: “LETTHEMANDOHISJOB!!!!!!!!”
    Busey: “The smaller the pecker the bigger the bird…”
    Bernancke: “WTF???”
    Blankfein: “GOLDSCROTE Capital Management!!”
    Alex from Ice Road Truckers: “What kind of hosers, eh??
    Lisa from Ice Road Truckers: “Bankers are weenies!”
    Glenn Beck: “(Sniff…Look…look into my eyes…(gasp) (sniff)

  13. guest says:

    T b/t T –
    I like the addition of the Ice Road Truckers cast, as well as Ashley. I think you might want to tie them together somehow, like Hugh and Ashley making the beast with two backs while Lisa and SW compare banker weenie sizes.
    The Unrequested Editor Between, uh, Trades. Right.

  14. guest says:

    Lisa makes trucking in 20 below F weather look easy.

  15. guest says:

    There’s been a little too much deference and respect in general heading the way of the financial sector of the economy for ever so long. What’s needed is for these audits to resemble something more like a Popeye Doyle bust.

  16. enjointhis says:

    @9 You’ve just about got it, except for the $100k/yr salary. Probably it’s more like $75k/yr, although the useless f*ck might have gotten a locality raise. Still, you get what you pay for.Real lawyers from real law schools command upwards of twice that, & so you either get (a) earnest do-gooders, or (b) good b*llsh*tters. Either way, it’s NOT the best and brightest. Well-meaning? Yes. But competent? Not necessarily.
    – ET! (who regularly hunts financial fraud on the civil side of things)

  17. guest says:

    I believe in the right to death by Snu Snu.
    Doc Kavork

  18. Anal_yst says:

    @Naked
    Who is your dealer and what is his #?

  19. guest says:

    @ET, “real lawyers from real law schools” wouldn’t know fraud if it hit them over the head and took all their money, which is precisely the problem. What’s needed is not lawyers, but financial professionals who actually understand the way the financial world works, rather than the artificial world of rules and regulations.

  20. […] from personal experience, having dealt with the brain trust in the case of Allied Capital–, as has Bernie Madoff who, from the jail cell in which he rots, made no bones about the fact that he was eternally grateful […]

  21. […] from personal experience, having dealt with the brain trust in the case of Allied Capital–, as has Bernie Madoff who, from the jail cell in which he rots, made no bones about the fact that he was eternally grateful […]

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