Pretty incredible dinner news from the House of JPMorgan today. None of you will be dining by candlelight while gazing into the eyes of five o’clock shadow over here (you wish) but: that heartless cost-cutting initiative from back in May, that decreed Seamless web orders “shall not exceed $20″? Repealed! Oh, that’s right my little Dimonettes– for those of you eating at your desk tonight, feel free to go crazy ’cause your meal allowance has been bumped back up to $25. You should count yourselves really, really lucky regardless, but especially compared to your counterparts elsewhere on the Street, such as Goldman, which we’re pretty sure has yet to throw an extra fiver at its employees after this insult last fall, and Citi, where employees who believe themselves too good to eat cat food go hungry.
Update: A Citi dweller takes issue with the above and would like me to pass on the following: “We are still at $25 and despite multiple inflows from the gov never cut back on food. Can we print in color? No. Can we get a cab at a reasonable hour? No. But damn it no cat food for us!”
Update II: Okay, this isn’t even funny. Guys, fuck the cat food jokes, they wish they were eating the wet stuff at RBS. The Queen’s biatches apparently had their allowance dropped to $8 including tax and tip after the UK gov took an active interest in business. Supposedly there was a recent unofficial announcement that the policy was changing to $20 but so far nothing in writing. Fingers crossed.
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- Use the Bloomberg command
NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <GO>
to access Dealbreaker
it’s all worth it again!!
Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger! Cheeseburger!
What to drink? No Coke. Pepsi. …
fuck you.
-vickles
just got bumped $2 to $17. eat me.
@4 just got bumped from eating out the queen to eating out the corgis. beat that.
-rbs rainmaker
now i can get off the burger king diet and bump it up to chipotle!
bring back the lucite! bring back the lucite!
why do jpm analysts suck so much when it comes to PE recruiting?
My task force is working on recommendations on appropriate reimbursement for employee meals, and guidelines on appropriate fare.
You will all learn to love Tofu.
- Timmy
He looks so ______ in that picture.
@8 I give up: Why?
He looks so Smeagol in that picture
-Bilbo
bess, how can I arrange for you to climb up on my d*ck like you do Dimon’s?
-wondering at BAC
@13
The obvious first step would be to quit and move to the private sector.
@13
Have a perfectly sculpted physique and pen definitive books on financial crises. Take it from me.
-Jabroni Pony
@13
You first have to take it out of Ken’s ass, no?
“But damn it no cat food for us!”
Well then how do you get to sleep every night?
He looks so Jeff Feagles in that picture.
Rex Ryan
@14:
Private sector? Those are just the ones I haven’t gotten to yet. Soon, I will have all bankers, traders and analysts on a GS pay scale. We will root out this evil, once and for all.
- Timmy
You fuckers get free food and you still whine? Jesus!
He looks so glass steagall in that picture.
I can get a large pep and a tallboy for that.
@20:
That’s the least of it. Beach vacations at Tahiti, at least twice a year. (We call them industry conferences.) Free booze, top shelf, as much as you want. Cruises aboard luxury yachts, complete with topless supermodels, and any kind of food you can think of.
With all this federal money, its never been better!
@17 ftw
Thanks god boutiques don’t put limits on dinner orders.
He looks so barely legal in that picture.
-Barney Frank
$25 buys you a whole mess of vending machine items, just sayin’.
my hero
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/business/20shelf.html?scp=1&sq=search%20for%20a%20hero%20on%20wall%20street&st=cse
“The Search for a Hero on Wall Street”
Is that 8 dollars or pounds? I should have bought McDonalds stock awhile ago!!! Poor RBS!
@29 Dollars. Brutal.
Don’t the clients end up paying for overtime meals? Why does it matter?
wow. could it actually suck to work at rbs more than it does to work at ubs?
RBS doesn’t have any clients left. That $8 comes out of the Queen’s pocket.
RBS isn’t doing any business that requires late nights, ergo it doesn’t matter if it’s $8, $25, or a can of Cheez-Whiz. No one’s staying late – that parking lot is empty at 6:30.
@34 excuse you? some of us are hard at work trying to figure out how to burn the place down and get the insurance money without leaving a paper trail.
@34 yes, they’re all down the road at CRT.
RBS was actually down to $10 (not $8) and now back up to $20 after some complaining. Either way, we’re now in butt-fucking Stamford, CT so we can’t order anything except pizza anyway.
@37, hey, there’s always KFC.
@37 what? how are there more options in greenwich than the city of stamford?
@37, don’t venture out much? You now have a PF Changs and a Capital Grille in the Stamford mall. Plus you save over 2% on the sales tax. The joys of suburbia…
Cheers.
HEUqLc I really enjoy the post.Really looking forward to read more. Cool.