Many of you have spent countless nights fantasizing about what it would be like getting drunk with Jamie Dimon. But it was just that— a fantasy that you never imagined would come true. Well, peasants, today comes the thrilling news that if we can get JD to quit his gig on Park, this thing could actually happen. It’s on the tip of his tongue and all we have to do is coax it out. Courtesy of Mrs. Judy Dimon, the lowdown on JD’s plans for the future:
“One fantasy, according to his wife: opening his own restaurant and turning himself into Sam Malone of Cheers. (That, or maybe he might finally go and climb Mount Kilimanjaro.)”— Last Man Standing
Alright, now focus. We need a name, and a gimmick. What’s going to be the “thing” at [Dimon in The Rough? Dimon’s Dive? Dungeons and Dimons?]? JD is second to none at flip-cup so there might be something there but need to think bigger— Vikram Pandit and Sandy Weill urinal cakes?
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:02PM
Cliff Asness=Cliff Clavin. It's perfect--and they both hold the federal government (esp. the USPS) in high regard.
Posted by Joe Mac , Sep 29, 2009 2:02PM
Erin just put me to the taste test...
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:07PM
is that pic real?
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:10PM
That motherfucker is heading for the exit. Chase is doomed and he knows it
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:10PM
@4 why?
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:15PM
Dungeons and Dimons FTW!
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:18PM
I hope he calls it Blood Dimons just to remind everyone for years to come that he still has the power to kill you.
Also, Bess please remind him that if he wears a low-cut top he'll get way better tips.
Posted by NakedShort , Sep 29, 2009 2:19PM
Dimon's in the Rough
Posted by pfluger , Sep 29, 2009 2:23PM
I kinda think he should name da joint, "Gasparinos." It sounds classy and sophisticated, like me.
-cg
(I'd made him pay naming rights, though, and force him to discontinue the cheap, flat lager he's hoisting in the photo.)
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:23PM
he's got some big hands. just sayin'.
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:29PM
I would hit that. Several times.
-Kirstie Alley
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:29PM
My dearest Jes, A guy like me looks in the mirror, he either grins, or he starts to fade away. And I haven't seen anything to grin about in a long time. This may not be the most graceful exit, but I know when the bank account's empty. The only thing I'm really going to miss is the man-hugs we had. At least I get the last butt slap, even if I had to e-mail it in. Dimon's Law: Never kiss Weill's ass. You'll get fudge on your lips. As for the rest of Dimons Laws, ignore them. The guy's mouth was always full of shit.
Posted by No, I'm not bitter, not at all , Sep 29, 2009 2:29PM
Call it "Last Man Standing." Here's a gimmick: Jamie funnels booze down your throat until you puke, then beats you to a pulp, steals your wallet and calls the cops on you.
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:32PM
@13- love it.
-JD
Posted by merkin capital partners , Sep 29, 2009 2:34PM
Dimon's Are Forever
Dimons and Pearl Necklaces
Dimons on My Neck, Patron in My Cup
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUPcoXUb748)
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:35PM
@12 do you have something you'd like to share with the group?
Posted by Anal_yst , Sep 29, 2009 2:36PM
Ok, so location, I'm thinking penthouse of 14 Wall, thoughts?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/14_Wall_Street
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:37PM
I would eat that.
-Kirstie Alley
Posted by pfluger , Sep 29, 2009 2:38PM
Jamie seems somewhat unpopular, for some reason.
Maybe "JD's House of Pain and Degradation", or something along those lines would work, especially in the East Village.
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:39PM
@anal_yst no way- jd is a park/midtown guy through and through. lives there/works there.
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:39PM
My Balls are Bigger than a Gorilla's
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:42PM
Jimmy D's
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:42PM
dimon girlz
strip club not just a bar of course
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:42PM
I can beat Dimon and any other challenger at flip cup any day of the week. JD's got nothing.
- Vandy flip cup star
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:43PM
This is a version of cheers I could watch...
Jamie Dimon = Sam
Maxine Waters = Carla
Chuck Prince = Cliff
Dennis Kneale = Frasier
Sally Krawcheck = Dianne
Jimmy Cayne = Woody
Posted by Prime Brokerage Dude , Sep 29, 2009 2:43PM
"Dimons and Hymens" you know, to attract the younger crowd.
Posted by Becky Boot Fan , Sep 29, 2009 2:43PM
How about "Tchotchkes" or "Flingers"?
Will the waitstaff be required to wear flair?
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:43PM
@19 jd is unpopular? what planet are you living on?
Posted by JD , Sep 29, 2009 2:43PM
399 Park.
Posted by pfluger , Sep 29, 2009 2:46PM
@28:
Planet Dimond?
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:46PM
Anal_yst@17 363 Madison?
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:47PM
Cayne's House of Pain
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:47PM
Dimonation
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:49PM
dimon girlz
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:50PM
383 MADISON AVENUE
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:50PM
The Chocolate Starfish, make it a gay bar
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:52PM
@31- you mean 383 Mad? He's gotta leave JPM, he can't just run downstairs and open up a dive bar on the street level.
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:53PM
@37 oh yeah? who's gonna stop me?
-JD
Posted by pfluger , Sep 29, 2009 2:54PM
If not any of those, how about "Dimon's Hardest Known Substance?"
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 2:57PM
Honk n' Hoes to Go
Posted by Rudy , Sep 29, 2009 2:58PM
Dining in the Sky with Dimon
Posted by Pfluger , Sep 29, 2009 3:02PM
Dimon Cutters?
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:03PM
"Ken's Place"
Posted by pfluger , Sep 29, 2009 3:04PM
Dimonite's?
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:05PM
Jamie@38-
I want to get freaky, and I'd rather not do it at 383. Please. I need this.
-M. Cavanagh
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:05PM
@37
The lawyers told me if I repay the TARP money...
-Ken Lewis
Posted by yoss , Sep 29, 2009 3:05PM
Sandy's shit-hole
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:06PM
De house of de beers.
Posted by pfluger , Sep 29, 2009 3:09PM
Nickels and Dimons?
Posted by Bru , Sep 29, 2009 3:12PM
Cheap shots
-A. Schwartz
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:12PM
He should bring in bob diamond as a partner and call it Dimon & Diamonds
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:14PM
alan@50- let it go.
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:14PM
Dimon's Hole
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:15PM
I think he's obligated to open it up on 47th street in the dimond district.
Posted by pfluger , Sep 29, 2009 3:18PM
@54:
That's a good one too: The Dimon District.
Posted by Subprime All Star , Sep 29, 2009 3:21PM
"Lucy in the Sky with Dimon"
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:23PM
A Dimon Dozen Bar
Posted by pfluger , Sep 29, 2009 3:25PM
Dimon's Demons Bar and Grill.
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:27PM
Jimmy D's House of Snacks
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:28PM
Bank One, you mo's love this
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:31PM
I now have DeBeers ads every time i refresh the comments
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:32PM
Don't forget to TARP your server!
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:36PM
@61 probably because blood diamonds are an official sponsor of this site.
http://dealbreaker.com/2009/09/thanks-to-this-weeks-advertise-1.php
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:38PM
Jimmy's Shack Shake
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:38PM
The Mineshaft
Rep. B. Frank (D - MA)
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:39PM
Jamie's Cereal Shack
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:40PM
The Cock-Pit
Barney Frank
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:40PM
Puts & Calls
- Former Lehman Quant
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:41PM
@48 well played.
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:42PM
How about a brewpub called Hopped Up? All the bad puns should be on the menu, not on the sign, except for the tagline: "Always Fresh, Never Diluted (much)"
Posted by pfluger , Sep 29, 2009 3:49PM
Tarpy Dimon's House of Cards?
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:50PM
Dimonatrix
-Meredith Whitney
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:54PM
The Slippery Cooter
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 3:55PM
Anal_yst @17: awesome. In that case I'd suggest 'J. Pour-pint Morgan'.
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 4:01PM
A Dimon Dozen.
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 4:03PM
The Dimon Family's Jewels.
Posted by pfluger , Sep 29, 2009 4:09PM
Shine on (you) Crazy Dimon?
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 4:13PM
I'd like to B my W all over C & W's face!
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 4:20PM
GloryHole
Posted by Prime Brokerage Dude , Sep 29, 2009 4:52PM
The Dime Bag
-Jimmy Cayne
Posted by pfluger , Sep 29, 2009 4:54PM
Dimon's on the Inside?
Posted by Last Man Standing , Sep 29, 2009 5:00PM
f****** stole my handle
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 5:24PM
He should call it "2 Dollars"
Posted by tom cruise , Sep 29, 2009 5:58PM
@12 - I'm disappointed nobody got the Cocktail reference.
Posted by now on buyside , Sep 29, 2009 6:17PM
Jimmy D's $2 Cowboy Bar
All beer in cans and both food and decor cheap and bland.
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 7:34PM
@74 I see what you did there.
Posted by Anal_yst , Sep 29, 2009 7:40PM
@74 FTW!
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 8:51PM
Dimon Geezer's
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 8:58PM
Blue Oyster Bar-cue music
Posted by guest , Sep 29, 2009 10:40PM
@84: You know how I know you're gay?.....
Posted by Subprime All Star , Sep 30, 2009 12:20AM
"Dimonsaur BBQ"
Posted by guest , Sep 30, 2009 6:08AM
JD in a three way partnership with Roger W. Ferguson, Jr and Stan O'Neill...Whisky and rib joint in Morningside Heights called Double Black Dimons.
Posted by guest , Sep 30, 2009 8:12AM
subprime all star@91 love it.
-syracuse
Posted by barman , Sep 30, 2009 9:19AM
Dimon Jim's
Posted by guest77 , Sep 30, 2009 9:20AM
Nickel and Dimon
Posted by Ed Moldaver , Sep 30, 2009 11:05AM
Theotokos and the saints
Posted by EvilBuzzard , Sep 30, 2009 11:20AM
Subprime Hangover (w/ unhappy returns)
Posted by guest , Sep 30, 2009 5:49PM
1. Dimon's Plate and Glass
2. Dollar4drinking Dimonz4Lunch
3. Real Dimonz Den
Posted by guest , Sep 30, 2009 8:00PM
@16 bone up on your knowledge of the video vault
on that note, cocktails and dreams?