Back in January, when CNBC’s Senior Interior Decorator Charlie Gasparino really put his investigative journalistic skills to work and reported to the world that John Thain had spruced up his office at Merrill Lynch to include, among other items, a $87,784 area rug, a $25,713 Mahogany pedestal table, and a $35,115 commode, JT issued this vague statement re: what was so wrong with Stan O’Neal’s office that it had to be completely redone:
Well– his office was very different– than– the– the general décor of– Merrill’s offices. It really would have been– very difficult– for– me to use it in the form that it was in. And– you know, I– it needed to be renovated no matter what. It would have been better for me to simply– I should have– simply paid for it myself
Obviously this forced our hand to come to the logical conclusion that O’Neal had outfitted the place with shag rugs, a disco ball and a huge blinking sign that read “Pussy Palace.” I don’t know why it took so long to get this out of him, but last night while speaking at Wharton, the Thainmeister finally cleared the air. Here’s what JT told the audience, according to a reader in attendance:
Since you brought it up, I’ll talk about my office. I joined Merrill Lynch before we knew the world was ending. My office had a giant desk in the middle and was not configured to receive any clients or staff. There was no conference room because it had been converted into a private gym.
So Captain wasn’t down with the space because it was essentially a throne room for E. Stanley and because if you’re going to have a private gym, it better damn well come with a wrestling mat. But that still doesn’t tell us why a George IV chair, Roman Shades, and 19th Century Credenza were necessary. Thainer explains:
We decorated it in the style that Merrill Lynch offices were, which was very, very nice.
He looks like my paralegal in that pic
- Above the Law
yeah, so?
-stan o’neal
I will not interview anyone who doesnt have at least one personal gym
-CG
Tell me there were boflexes or this is meaningless to me.
-cg
stan o’neal, national treasure.
Chazzy, I’ve got a protein shake for you…
They were tantra chairs, you fucking conch-shelled lookin’ motherfucker.
Stan certainly is the man
- S O’Neal
My office has a giant vat of chocolate sauce in the middle of it, and instead of a conference room, a room FILLED with yummy treats to dip fondue style.
-you know who
@7 “conch-shelled lookin’ motherfucker” FT GODDAMN WIN.
I’m sitting on a Sybian as I type this.
- Vik
I have no problem with this.
-Dick Parsons
No meditation garden? You lack class.
Vikram
I am sitting on a pile of Lassie videos as I type this.
-DK
TSSA: Twisted Steel & Sex Appeal
-CG
Bess – when did C-Gas get promoted to Senior I.D.? Last I know he was just a plain old I.D.
I’m sitting on an evil frog right now
- Jimmy Cayne
I’m squatting over a vat of molten gold as I type this
-LB
Im sitting on a pile of falafel and tahini sauce as I type this
@6 – should it be: you’ve got protein, but chazzy needs to shake it first?
I’m sitting on a pile of exumed corpses I just made love to.
-Jeff Macke
He looks so pararegal in that pic.
“basically a typical day for Stan O’Neal was thirty minutes on the Gazelle and an hour of Mindsweeper at the command center”
I don’t understand how ML could’ve failed with this type of genius at the top.
Not all interior decorators are homos.
Looks so beagle
D.K.
Nothing pulls a room together like neon accent lighting.
-CG
@Cluz,
You’re right. We all have our short-comings…
@9 you caused me unleash a load already!
I’m sneering over a copy of the New York Times as I type this.
~Michelle C-C
“fucking conch-shelled lookin’ motherfucker.”
awesome
@28
How do you keep “the girls” out of your line of sight?
Anyone wanna stick their D between the bags under my eyes for a good old fashioned EF? No HB necessary…
-M. Bartiromo
excellent tags
he looks so vice-regal in that pic
Lord Curzon
hey Bess, it’s minEsweeper
Only pussies use the Gazelle.
I’m Larry Kudlow, and I am CNBC.
Now bring my Drury-Francis sandwich!
John is a friend of mine, and I like him.
But his gym is fuckin’ wimp, for fuckin’ donnicciolas, like DK. Dese bulging biceps and washboard abs need fuckin iron, baby! I need to hear da sound of da 75 pound dumbbells crash to da floor afta I finish my curls.
Wheneva I drop ‘em, I notice everybody staring at me, with a mixture of awe and envy. I’m like a fuckin’ 21st century Caesar in my gym.
- Best selling author and world renowned financial journalist
Heard from a former visitor to Chez O’Neal that the place was decked out in African themed art – masks, skins, etc. No wonder JT needed the redo.
@38 dumb, racist comment, and not as funny as what the reality was.
@39 you think that’s racist?
@39, you need to lay off the African-American Sociology classes and get a dose of reality, that was a pretty harmless comment.
you can do it!
please stop with all of the funny jokes. He’s a complicated man but no one understands him but his woman.
@43: Mrs. Thain, please go elsewhere.