First off, let us just state for the record that we don’t think Big Daddy Cayne should have to provide a reason for his on and off the job habit of getting stoned. And we’re actually pretty disappointed he felt the need to do so, especially now, when the horse has already left this particular trailer park of hemp. You’ve already been caught, you’ve already been fired, you’ve already spoken about your drug problems to the press, and what’s more, you’re old as fuck and could simply tell people you got addicted before this shit was illegal, and didn’t know when exactly it crossed the line over from just being frowned upon. Also, drugs are kind of the only thing you have left. Now you’re going to turn your back on them? Not cool. So, yes, the sad news is that Charlie Gasparino reports Jimmy Cayne is now pushing the story that “his past pot smoking wasn’t simply to get high, but to alleviate a serious medical condition.” Of course, he hasn’t yet decided what that medical condition should be (what would elicit the most sympathy? What would be believable? What has the side effect of making your dick grow like 16 inches?) but give him time to come up with something. The good news is that Gasparino promises we’ll get more details on JC’s drug usage in his forthcoming book, The Sellout, several chapters of which are devoted to abusing cough syrup with Wall Street CEOs and on his own (“It all started one afternoon in the backseat of a Buick idling in Rego Park”).
Archive for September 2009
Jimmy Cayne: I Had A Good Reason For Smoking Dope, The Particulars Of Which Escape Me At The Moment
By Bess Levin
The filmmaker and his star have a message for all you whippersnappers who come up to Stone and tell him you went to work on the Street after being inspired by the 1987 flick. Same goes for the “well-lubricated businessmen” who approach Douglas while he’s eating dinner to say, “You’re the man.” And the message is this: piss off. You missed the point entirely, jackholes! You weren’t supposed to get a hard-on for Gecko. He is the villain. The bad guy. Think McFly, think! Now, because some of you couldn’t get that simple point through your thick heads, Stone has to make this movie again. To those of you hating on the sequel, you have no one to blame but yourselves. (In somewhat related news, there is hope for this thing, thanks to Jim Chanos, who suggested the script focus less “evil hedge fund managers” and more on the Dicks who ran the banking system.)
Dick Fuld Wants His Haters To Line Up, So He Can Give Them A Hug, Except For A Select Few, Who He’ll Burn Alive
By Bess Levin
Seriously, do it. And if you have something to say, say it. Say whatever you want. DO IT. He can take it. In the old days, and until pretty recently, in fact, this would’ve been an invitation to have your face ripped off. But this is a new Dick Fuld! And he’s not mad at you. He’s not mad at anyone. He’s worked through his issues and evolved. But you, you’re not there yet. And since you need someone to put your shit on, Dick has graciously decided to offer himself up. He told a bunch of Reuters reporters all this after they stalked him outside his home in Ketchum, Idaho.
“You know what? The anniversary’s coming up,” he said. “I’ve been pummeled, I’ve been dumped on, and it’s all going to happen again. I can handle it. You know what, let them line up. They’re looking for someone to dump on right now, and that’s me,” Fuld lamented and later added: “You know what they say? ‘This too shall pass.’”
He actually stitched that last one on a quilt, which is something he’s been doing in the downtime. Still scared this is a trap? Don’t be! Seriously, he’s out of the anger stage and into the phallic one (or is it the oral? Dick isn’t sure, it’s been a pretty long time since Psych 101. Just go with it).
“You, know Freud in his lifetime was challenged, but you know what he always said, ‘You know what, my mother loves me.’ And you know what, my family loves me and I’ve got a few close friends who understand what happened and that’s all I need,” he said when I asked him how he was holding up.
Closely Watched Buffett Recalculating His Bets (NYT)
“It has been an incredibly interesting period in the last year and a half. Just the drama,” Mr. Buffett said. “Watching the movie has been fun, and occasionally participating has been fun too, though not in what it has done to people’s lives.” Basically, if you like starring in snuff films, you probably had one helluva year.
Harvard Signs On For A New Line Of Upscale Clothing (NYT)
Everyone knows Harvard needs cash but the question this morning is, was lending its name to a clothing line that seeks to “combine the power of Harvard with the power of a plaid shirt” the step just before the school starts S’ing D for money or after? (Please note how defensive those contacted for the story seem to get as though they know they have something to be ashamed of.) And would you wear the button down and blazer modeled by the fellow at left? What if you had a gun held to your head?
Swiss Deal With IRS May Hide Some Tax Cheats (NYT)
Stay strong: “They understandably trying to spook people into coming forward,” Mr. Rosenbloom said. “I doubt that strategy works for large account holders, particularly in a world where they will receive notice from UBS in advance of a disclosure. They will, of course, wait to see whether that notice arrives. And I suspect some will escape the filters.”
What It Takes To Buy Madoff’s Beach House (Fortune)
A stomach for hideous design and a heart of gold. “Whoever buys this home will help reap benefits for the victims,” insists Corcoran broker Joan Hegner.
Greenspan: US Banks Need To Have Higher Capital (Reuters)
“I think even in non-euphoria, non-crisis times, we need to have a larger buffer than we currently have,” Big Al told a Mumbai conference yesterday via satellite, meaning if you panned down you’d see that McG was in the tub.
SIPC Says Stanford Victims Are Outta Luck (NYP)
This is making some people very angry , though it’s unclear what they’re going to do about it. I think we all know what the big man would do about it, which starts with a ‘p’ and ends with a ‘unch you in the mouth.’
Bonus Fever Continues Among UK Bankers (WSJ)
Many chippies expect their bonuses to be larger in 2009 than in 2008 (without a change in pay structure), with 27% of those keeping their fingers crossed anticipating an increase of more than 51%. This is all based on a poll of wishful thinking, and may or may not actually mean anything.
$$$ CEO’s wife gives advice on how to be a good corporate partner. [Charlotte Observer]
$$$ Jeff Peek gets to keep his job another year but no private plane which will make this lady very unhappy. [Forbes]
$$$ Sarah Palin to speak at CLSA’s Asia Markets Conference [Bloomberg]
$$$ This 16 year old wants to help you stalk George Soros, etc. [Insider]
$$$ “What do Bobber the Water Safety Dog, a reach-in freezer, sliced ham and 115 office chairs have in common? They were all funded with Recovery Act dollars.” [CNN Money]
$$$ Can you portray one of the following for background work on Money Never Sleeps?:
* Prison Guards- Male, All Ethnicities, 22-50 years old.
* Prison Inmates- Male, All Ethnicities, 18-65 years old.
* Real Wall Street Traders- Male/Female, All Ethnicities, 22-50 years old.
* Newstand Clerk- Male, East Indian, 22-65 years old.
* Laboratory Techs- Male/Female, All Ethnicities, 25-65 years old.
* Supermodels- Female, All Ethnicities, 18-25 years old who are 5′9 or taller.
* Basketball Player- Male, African American, 18-30 years old.
* Chinese Investors- Male/Female, 25-65 years old.
* Cafe Host- Male/Female, Asian, 25-55 years old.
* British Barber- Male, All Ethnicities, 25-65 years old.
* Govt. Officials & Financial/Corporate Executive Types- Male/Female, all Ethnicities, 25-75 years old.
* Artist Types- Male/Female, All Ethnicities, 18-55 years old.
* Female Movie Star- Female, All Ethnicities, 25-45 years old.
* Lawyers- Male/Female, All Ethnicities, 30-75 years old.
* Stand-in/Photodouble for actor Michael Douglas, Height 5′10.
* Stand-in/Photodouble for actor Shia LaBeouf, Height 5′9.
$$$ That’s it for us today, enjoy the weekend and see you Tuesday!
If Colonel Gaddafi gets his way, the IRS will no longer need to strong-arm Swiss regulators for account information. The solution to dealing the Swiss isn’t debating the need for greater transparency and disclosure during this time of economic turmoil. No, the good Colonel has something else in mind for the (former) tax haven.
Switzerland should be wiped off the map and its land divided between France, Italy and Germany. That is what Libyan leader Colonel Gaddafi is calling for in a motion he filed to the United Nations, according to newspaper reports.
Gaddafi is set to put forward his plans to eradiate the Alpine state when Libya officially takes over the annual presidency of the UN General Assembly on September 15, the Daily Mail newspaper reported.
The thought process behind this movement stems from the arrest of Gaddafi’s son, Hannibal, and his son’s wife following their assault of a hotel chambermaid in Geneva last year. Having had time to reflect on their decision, the Swiss now know the unfortunate answer to the question they must have been asking the Gaddafi clan: Given the chance, you would deny me my life, wouldn’t you?
Today Amanda Drury wraps up her stint stateside. This is apparently her big finish.
So Bloomberg has a review of the BBC’s upcoming Lehman Brothers flick, and one thing stuck out to us as indication this thing might be worth watching.
Leading us into the story is narrator Zach (Michael Landes), a brash young banker from Tennessee, who is Fuld’s personal gofer. He sets out philosophizing about resentment of Wall Street — “If you talk to 100 people, 102 are going to tell you they hate bankers” — then takes us up the elevator as the boss’s name flashes on his cellphone.
Fuld, balding and pudgy-faced, is howling down the phone. “Everyone’s dumping our stock, and you ask me for more?” he barks, concurrently answering another call and shoving a plate in Zach’s direction with the words, “These ribs are cold.”
People acting like self-important dicks over an unsatisfactory piece of meat, particularly when they’re of the temperament that could result in whoever was responsible for the faux pas having his or her face cut off, is always amusing, fictional or not. But the fact that the scene above probably actually happened is a nice bonus. From a profile last December:
Fuld has a famously voracious appetite–senior executives sometimes ordered him a mid-morning plate of ribs.
So the Brits have done their homework. What other true to life LB stories can we expect? Flashback to Richard almost killing a guy at his son’s hockey game?
Earlier: Dick Fuld: Aptly-Named Villain Or Just A Misunderstood Girl With An Eating Disorder?
It’s not just Bank of America that is raising its standards to combat identity theft. China may be raising its foreign investment quotas, but there are still some quotas they’re leaving alone.
A bank in southern China refused to open an account for a man named Li Jun, saying his name was too common and they already had 300 account holders with the same name, the China Daily reported Thursday. The Guangdong province bank, which wasn’t identified, said they had stopped opening accounts for people named Li Jun, according to the report, which cited an account in the Guangzhou Daily. Li has consulted lawyers and is considering filing a lawsuit against the bank, the report said
