You guys, even if it weren’t a slow news day, even if we hadn’t already checked out for the holiday weekend, I’d still proudly share this great moment in financial history with you. It’s an oldie but a goodie, and after yesterday’s brain buster from the money honey during a roundtable discussion on healthcare, in which Maria Bartiromo not only asked a 44 year old Congressman why he wasn’t on Medicare, but felt like she really nailed the guy, it just feels so right. Highlights include MB buzzing in to shout out “Vogue! Vogue!” when the category clearly specified we were looking for an answer (question) with not zero, not one, but two a’s, “Computer worms! What is computer worms” in response to “Most moles destroy gardens & lawns searching for insect larvae or these ‘global’ worms,” (we were looking for “earth worms, what are earth worms” there) and, when all else fails, answering with, as Keith Hahn says, “a five second face.” Then she gets $1000 out of pity from the producers and her ass dragged into Final Jeopardy, because Trebek “really” wanted her there.
Part I can and should be viewed here.
Archive for September 2009
Bellagio: Indicted billionaire owes $258,480 gambling debt (Las Vegas Sun)
In fact Allen Stanford owes money all over town, including but not limited to Steve Wynn for trashing yet another hotel room, but after hearing about the Blood Brother Ceremony S Dubs decided to “let this one go.” The stripper is not backing down.
EU Minister Cheer Bonus Restrictions Ahead Of G-20 (EU)
“We have to stop the restarting of the bonus culture,” Swedish Finance Minister Anders Borg told journalists before the ministers’ meeting. “Bankers are acting like it’s 1999 and actually it’s 2009.”
AIG CEO Benmosche Says He Wants to Halve Wall Street’s IPO Fees (Bloomberg)
He also reiterated that he wants to “beat that little bitch’s ass,” presumably referring to Cuomo, though it could be anyone.
Stanford Back In Jail After Hospital Stay (Houston Chronicle)
His heart’s fine, but according to lawyer Dick DeGuerin, Blood Brother “has an aneurysm in his leg which would be elective surgery to take care of because it is not life-threatening,” though Stanford is acting like he could go at any second.
More Madoff Details On Tap (WSJ)
Apparently new shit has come to light, presumably none of it penis size related, though you never know with Mary Schapiro’s team: “The latest Bernard Madoff tome could offer the most detailed look yet at how the confessed swindler eluded authorities’ grasp for so long…it’s a long-awaited report by the inspector general’s office at the Securities and Exchange Commission. Inspector General David Kotz said it runs to 450 pages, with more than 500 exhibits. Mr. Kotz turned over the report to SEC Chairman Mary Schapiro late Monday, and it is likely to be released within a week after the SEC’s five commissioners review it.”
Bomb Explodes Near Athens Stock Market (FT)
So that’s not good.
Clients Pull Money From HSBC Alterntive Investments (FT)
$4 billion or so-ish, making it “the single largest casualty of the redemptions crisis in the hedge fund industry,” which the bank can choose to either cry about or wear as badge of honor. So far most people are going with the former, but they’ll come around.
Lehman Leftovers Lift On Wave Of Speculation (NYP)
Sources say Dick Fuld is thisclose to signing on for a reunion tour. It’s really gonna happen this time.
$$$ Wells Fargo to Repay TARP Without Raising New Equity [Bloomberg]
$$$ Captain Morgan: these are your tax dollars at work. [LATimes]
$$$ Survey: Bridgewater Is Biggest, Best Hedge Fund [FINalternatives]
$$$ Sheila Bair goes on the attack [The Deal]
$$$ Tax the stupid [GC]
Here’s a little thought question for the group while we wait for Gmail to start working again (it’s been what feels like hours at this point, which is just obscene). New AIG Chief Bobby Benmosche has been pulling out all the stops in an effort to provoke Andy Cuomo. He’s threatened to lock the Attorney General in room and do things so unspeakable that we don’t even want to hear about them, only saying that they’ll be worse than anything you can ever imagine. He’s offered non-apologies. He’s referred to himself in the third person when doing so. And we’ve gotten nary a peep from Andrew. Greg and I actually made the huge effort to call his office today and see if anyone over there wanted to give it a shot. Nothing. How must Benmosche up the ante to get something out of this prick? Tell a bunch of employees he’s going to screw Cuomo’s wife?* Threaten Andy’s good standing with NAMBLA? Claim he’s going to release a Sheryl Weinstein-genre book about what went down in the room? Go all Mike “I’ll eat your a-hole and then fuck you ’til you love me” Tyson on his ass? WHAT? If Cuomo should be counted on for one thing it’s being thin skinned and of the temperament that causes someone to seek out fights as a way to deal with Daddy issues. Now one is banging his door and he’s too good to answer the phone? WTF? I refuse to accept that he’s taking the high road.
*Before you get up in my business about how that’s not realistic, review the transcript from yesterday‘s meeting at AIG. This is exactly the road we’re going down.
Bernie had the dying of cancer rumor. Sir Allen had the overactive pulse. Now, with the methodology of ‘play the victim to take attention away from the crime’ well established, Michigan head football coach Rich Rodriguez is getting in on the game. Just days after U of M announced an investigation into player allegations that they were forced to train too long en route to a 3-9 record, the coach’s financial advisor, in response to a suit filed against Rodriguez, claims he was a victim of a Ponzi scheme.
The suit, filed last month in U.S. District Court in South Carolina, alleges that Rodriguez and several other partners owe a bank $3.9 million after they allegedly defaulted on a loan to build condominiums near Lane Stadium at Virginia Tech. The transaction was initiated before 2004, when Rodriguez coached at West Virginia.
“Coach Rodriguez is the victim of a fraudulent real estate Ponzi scheme that has unfortunately affected many Americans,” said his advisor, Mike Wilcox, in a statement released this morning by the University of Michigan athletic department. “Several other coaches and prominent individuals are involved in this transaction.”
If we’re getting a preview of things to come, this type of transparent trickeration is not going to make the Wolverines champions of the West.
Contrary to popular belief, there is consumer-based lending going on in the UK. While the purse strings at RBS might be a bit tight these days, the likes of Johnny “Boy” Kiely are happy to address your borrowing needs at competitive interest rates in the 2000% range.
Folks in the UK are learning that the market clearing rates offered by loan sharks are a tad bit higher than those offered by establishments whose primary place of business is something other than a dark alley or the back seat of a stolen car. As those institutions are not so willing to trust others with their cash, people are turning to the lending entrepreneurs who typically go by a nickname in quotes in greater numbers.
In a recent report, the U.K. think tank New Local Government Network said it expects the number of people with debts to loan sharks to jump to more than 200,000 in Britain this year, from an estimated 165,000 in 2006. A confluence of indebtedness, poverty and the diminished availability of regulated subprime credit are creating the conditions in which many are borrowing “from nefarious sources,” the report says.
It looks like there will be at least one group of people getting record, performance-based paydays in the UK this year.
For the haters out there who thought you could just fellate your way to the 69th spot on Vanity Fair‘s list of the most important people ever, think again! You also have to be smart.
Maria Bartiromo Presses 44-Year-Old Congressman: If Medicare Is So Good, Why Aren’t You On It? [HuffPo]
Robert Benmosche realizes he may appear to be a bit high strung (or just a bit crazy) to some of you. So the AIG CEO wants you to decide which of two camps he fits into.
“You can characterize me as a goon or you can characterize me as somebody who is attempting to deal with a complex issue of a very demoralized employee force and said those things to them in confidence to reassure them that they no longer have to be afraid that they are going to be attacked again,”
But now the highlights from the pep talk are out in the open and BB needs to understand that he better make sure his private conversations are, in fact, private. He needs a source of inspiration to turn this PR nightmare around and it appears he may have found one- in the form of The Jimmy episode.
“If there is anybody critical of Bob it is Bob,” he said, referring to himself in the third person. “And Bob has to recognize that when he is having private meetings, that occasionally somebody is going to want to tape it and allow the press to get things I said in private, and that’s unfortunate. I have to be aware of that.”
Bob is aware now.
AIG CEO regrets sharp criticism of Cuomo [Reuters]
Maria Bartiromo And Erin Burnett Are (Collectively) More Important Than David Einhorn And John Paulson
By Bess Levin
According to Vanity Fair, which ranks the duo at slot 69 (you see what they did there?) today on its annual New Establishment list. Einhorny is 87, and John Paulson, who’s yet to prove himself to the magazine, is nowhere to be found. The Big Man, who was placed in the super demeaning spot of 99 (out of 100) last year did not make the cut this time around, nor did Ben Bernanke because, really, what has that guy ever done? Blankfein is the number one stunna, and to that end, Matt Taibbi, not present or accounted for, can suck LB’s gold-plated scrot. Others to note:
4. Warren Buffett
6. Larry Fink
9. Jamie Dimon
43. Tyler Perry
86. Meredith Whitney
Update: Never let it be said that Vanity Fair doesn’t have a pair. After fumbling around and fucking up Steve Cohen’s online entry last year so that all of his “in the news” links went to stories about other guys named Steve Cohen, they’ve had the gall to stick him in an auxiliary list called “The Pit Stop.” It’s there that the magazine has singled out other money honeys (Steve Schwarzman, Bruce Wasserstein, etc) who’ve made the list in year’s past only to fall off in 2009 and offered the pep talk that if they put their noses to the grindstone, maybe, just maybe, they’ll have their honor of seeing their names alongside Maria Bartiromo’s in 2010. Damien Hirst was also thrown in the mix, because, let’s be honest, he’s one trick pony, and the number of animal-in-formaldehyde fetishists are few and far between. He’s not doing well unless Big Daddy’s doing well (and with the cheddar he had to shell out upfront to cross-breed a collie with a CNBC on-air commentator for his latest piece, Big Daddy had better do very well).
Not sure how we missed this yesterday, but in the Wall Street Journal‘s ongoing effort to make sure you’re not a fattie, the paper has moved on from cankles to abs. Specifically those of Terrell Owens, who shares his tips for flab blasting in the instructional video at left. Watch if you want to find out how to get cut from a dick. Not quite the look you’re going for? You’re in luck– this is apparently the latest in a new series of work-out videos from various financial titans. So! Who do we want to see next? Obviously we’re already intimately familiar with Charlie Gasparino’s routine, but it wouldn’t hurt him to get in front of the camera and shout out some inspirational lines in between grunts. Dykstra, given, and he could use the money. Pandidto, sure, and you haven’t lived until you’ve seen someone in Stamford go 30 minutes of no mercy on the NordicTrack in a velour warm-up suit, so add him. Who else? Speaking of pec wailing wish lists, a HD version of this would be nice.
Before Angela Merkel fully joins Sarkozy’s banker bonus crucifixion, she may want to start with the retail sector. In an impressive display of getting something for nothing, Karl-Gerhard Eick, who put in a solid 6 months of work at the helm of insolvent German retailer Arcandor AG, will walk away with a five year guaranteed pay package worth up to 15 million euros (including 5 million in bonuses). But before you think that just anybody can sit in an office, watch the clock for half a year, and wait around until somebody fixes the glitch, Eick proved it takes some real effort to make it into the failure express lane.
During his tenure, Eick failed to find support from the company’s main investors, Sal. Oppenheim and heiress Madeleine Schickedanz, to refinance loans. He also couldn’t win aid from the German government after years of declining department-store sales. The government rejected two applications for help by Arcandor in June, saying it wanted the owners to stump up more funds.
Close to 3 months after overseeing the company’s insolvency filing, Eick left his adoring employees with some comforting words for their future: “I am not greedy, but I am not stupid, either”. That distinction is left to the private bank that provided the pay package and probably the thousands of soon to be unemployed workers who thought somebody securing a 5-year guarantee might be able to save their jobs.
Arcandor Chief Eick Leaves, Armed With Pay Guarantee [Bloomberg]
