“For the month of August, Greenlight Capital Qualified, L.P. returned 0.8% (net of all fees and expenses). Greenlight Capital Qualified, L.P. has returned 24.7% for the year-to-date.”
Earlier: Performance Stats: The Greenlight Unit
Archive for September 2009
Looking for a last minute party this Labor Day? Look no further. Do it in debatable style in the comfort of a Montauk home that just went on the market. That’s right girlfriends, we’re talking about Bernie’s beach house, which could be yours if you’ve got between one and seven million dollars to spend. While we agree that the spread isn’t the most aesthetically pleasing place money will buy, CNNMoney is working overtime this morning to convince potential buyers that this place is a dump not worth more than a ten-spot and certainly not the millions US Marshals are seeking* (perhaps in an attempt to drive down the price before swooping in and snapping it up themselves).
What are the views like? Nice, the arbiters of taste concede, but that’s where the good times end the tacky-ass kitchen begins. The rest of the home is “unremarkable considering its previous occupant’s staggering wealth,” we’re told. “Think Formica countertops and smallish bedrooms.” Oh shit, bitches– was this review written by the size queen du jour? Probably but we’ve got more backhanded compliments to get to. Does the place give off a relaxed vibe? Yes, but the sort you’d find in a trailer park where one wouldn’t be bashful about putting his feet up or tracking shit through the rug. “A visitor probably wouldn’t hesitate to walk in with sandy shoes,” Les Christie writes. As for the furniture, which the house doesn’t even come with (you’ll have to provide your own exercise bike for the master bedroom)? “The sectional sofas look built for comfort rather than style, and the rugs don’t make any big statements either.” Seriously? Or are you just fucking with us, Les? It’d better be the latter ’cause I need the rugs I’m not buying to speak to me! I need them to dance! You dig? It doesn’t matter that they’ll be long gone by the time I move in– I’ll know they were once there, laying on the floor, like–like rugs or something, making everyone uncomfortable by not saying anything, and it will fuck with my aura, not to mention my flow. Pretty sure I’m not alone here.
Now that I’ve regained my composure, how ’bout the fact that the home is a mere 150 feet from the beach, a distance federal zoning laws no longer permit– that’s pretty sweet, right? Yeah if you wanna die. It’s only because CNN care about you that they say this: “The proximity means…the home faces a big flood risk.”
Maybe it was a result of too much of his Croatian wine or an attempt to ingratiate himself with his new employees working 4500 miles away but whatever it was, Bobby Boucher Benmosche now regrets his pre-fight smack talk aimed at Andrew Cuomo.
AIG put out a statement saying Mr. Benmosche “regrets his comments regarding Mr. Cuomo and the tone of those comments.” The statement added that Mr. Benmosche “now recognizes” that Mr. Cuomo “resisted public pressure to disclose the names of AIG employees during the controversy.”
As BB continues to write the book on how to make a company’s already bad public image even worse, those not working at AIG’s Croatian headquarters have taken on second jobs answering for his actions.
Harvey Golub, AIG’s chairman, said Monday night that Mr. Benmosche had made his “off the cuff comments very early in his involvement” at AIG. Nevertheless, Mr. Golub added in an interview, the criticisms weren’t done “in a thoughtful way.”…Mr. Golub continued: “I don’t know why he said what he did.”
Maybe when he takes a vacation from his vacation and visits the New York office Golub will get his answer- assuming Andrew Cuomo hasn’t found him first.
BofA Seeks To Repay A Portion Of Bailout (WSJ)
Not all of it, of course, but if they start with $20 billion, it would mean the bank “would no longer be considered an ‘exceptional[ly retarded]‘ aid recipient — a designation that has put it under a microscope by Congress and regulators, with its pay packages subject to review by the federal “pay czar.”
You Can’t Keep A Bad Man Down (NYP)
Noted hooker-fucker Eliot Ness is supposedly considering running for office next year, according to sources, though five other sources have shot it down.
AIG, Greeberg Agree To Arbitration (WSJ)
Everyone has promised to do his best to make nice, and even Hank has indicated he’ll see if he can do something about not letting his dog Snowflake loose in the lobby to shit on the floor in days ending in ‘y.’
Madoff Liquidator May ‘Claw Back’ Charities’ Fake Profits (Bloomberg)
Awkward!
Goldman Sachs Wrong on Economic Recovery, Macro Hedge Funds Say (Bloomberg)
Paul Tudor Jones will bet you a bucket of chicken that Abby Joseph Cohen doesn’t have a clue what she’s talking about, as will Clarium Capital Management LLC and Horseman Capital Management Ltd. “If we have a recovery at all, it isn’t sustainable,” Kevin Harrington, managing director at Clarium, said in an interview at the firm’s New York offices. “This is more likely a ski-jump recession, with short-term stimulus creating a bump that will ultimately lead to a more precipitous decline later.”
SEC Head Warns Against Broker Bonuses (AP)
Mary Schapiro is hip to your game, don’t think she’s not.
Rogue Trader Ordered To Stand Trial (Reuters)
Jerome Kerviel will come on down, though neither he nor his lawyer know what he’s really being charged for.
