What I need you to do for me right now is to just watch this video. It's massage enthusiast Jeffrey Epstein being deposed re: spending time sans pants with a 15 year-old and it only lasts two minutes* because apparently the guy who has no problem jerking off in a towel while guests are in the room and wearing a wig and lipstick during sex is suddenly made to feel uncomfortable and embarrassed by the lead off question "Is it true that you have an egg-shaped penis?" So much so that Mr. Sensitive has to storm out of the room in a huff, when what he should've done was dropped trou and said "You tell me." Since he didn't, we'll just have to assume he's got something to hide.
Jeffrey Epstein Will Not Discuss His Manhood [Cityfile]
*Like Epstein. Ohhhh-- you like that? Count it.
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:21PM
What the fuck is an "egg-shaped penis"?
Posted by Anal_yst , Sep 17, 2009 4:21PM
Epstein goes knotting?
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:21PM
Christ Almighty, what is it with the pervs and their misshapen units?
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:23PM
@3 please let the record reflect that mine is not misshapen, just ridiculously small. thanks.
-berns
Posted by TGNC , Sep 17, 2009 4:25PM
@3 could it be the fact they have a misshappen unit, leads them to become pervs? (Where is Dr. Mark Klein MD when you need him?)
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:26PM
god DAMN that's some neck fat right there! god damn I say.
-larry summers, brother from another mother
Posted by EvilBuzzard , Sep 17, 2009 4:26PM
>>>"Is it true that you have an egg-shaped penis?"
WTF! Maybe he was caught in between genders and his hormones just couldn't decide which one to make him grow into. That really is bizarre.
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:26PM
@1 .. explained it at 0:55
Posted by pfluger , Sep 17, 2009 4:27PM
I'll watch it later, but I'm wondering -- are we talking chicken eggs, ostrich eggs, or what?
My understanding is that Ostrich eggs are massive.
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:29PM
The embarrassment never ends. First headlines, then jail and now depositions.
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:30PM
he looks so regal in that vid
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:30PM
she looked so legal in my wig
- JE
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:30PM
Somewhere, in a dark, damp basement in North Korea, this video plays on an eternal loop.
Posted by Bess Levin , Sep 17, 2009 4:31PM
@9 you'll watch it now.
Posted by merkin capital partners , Sep 17, 2009 4:31PM
Let me rephrase: Is it true that on various occasions you performed the "turtle" using the extra skin of your balls and the head of your egg shaped penis?
Can you confirm or deny prancing around doing what victims described as, "the mangina", with your genitalia tucked betwixt your legs and your graying pubes serving as a woman's unshaven mons pubis?
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:36PM
@8 - I can't even think about watching / listening to that here.
-1.
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:38PM
@15 - and then I make the skin suit . . . and then it puts the lotion on its body . . .
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:38PM
@16 it's just the audio that's NSFW, don't you have headphones?
Posted by pfluger , Sep 17, 2009 4:38PM
OK, I watched it. Since the prosecutor did not specify the type of egg he was comparing to Jeffrey's penis, it would be impossible to provide an accurate answer.
He was right to walk out. The prosecutor is incompetent.
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:42PM
nice @ that first result on Google image search:
http://images.google.com/images?source=ig&hl=en&rlz=&=&q=egg-shaped%20penis&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi
Posted by american bandersnatch , Sep 17, 2009 4:42PM
That was odd. If his member is tapered and doesn't have a knob at the top, how does he avoid his hand slipping off and hitting himself in the face when he jacks it?
Posted by Perkins Maxwell , Sep 17, 2009 4:43PM
Here it is. someone clearly leaked a pic: http://www.deadprogrammer.com/photos/cthulhu-egg.jpg
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:43PM
@20
I'm too afraid to click that link. What is it?
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:45PM
I gotta couple of ostrich eggs in here
-CG
Posted by Perkins Maxwell , Sep 17, 2009 4:45PM
@23: be strong. besides I don't want to be the only one with nightmares.
Posted by HAM05 , Sep 17, 2009 4:46PM
hahaha 'im willing to continue'
what an egg-shaped dick that guy is
(see what i did there)
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:46PM
@21 - maybe he's got a leash going from his wrist to his thigh?
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:47PM
So essentially JE has a butt plug for a penis.
Greg you should date this guy, it would make the transition easier
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:48PM
I have an egg shaped head
- SC
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:48PM
@ham- his other line "these are not my words" is also awesome.
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:49PM
What an egghead.
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:50PM
OK, I was careful to detach from the VPN before viewing this.
I think Paula Jones' atty asked Bill Clinton a similar question. Apparently "Willie Clinton" made a left or right turn along the way. Somebody told me the medical term, but I've repressed it completely.
I guess the tape was filed with the court but given the subject matter you'd think it would be sealed.
Posted by HAM05 , Sep 17, 2009 4:51PM
i cant stop laughing - unintentional comedy at its best.
how do prosecutors do this with a straight face?
Posted by highlyconfident , Sep 17, 2009 4:52PM
I got this while interviewing at SAC a bit back; it's not about whether you get the answer right or not ... they are looking for your thought process. You should begin by thinking broadly, then slowly narrowing down the situation to the answer. Don't be afraid to get it wrong.
FYI the correct answer is: No, my penis is shaped like carnival game hammer (that's the obvious part) but my balls are as smooth as eggs (the "extra step").
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:52PM
@32 I believe you are correct. Several of my close friends have told me that is true
- Hillary aka Hill-Dawg
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:54PM
Lets just say it may be difficult for Jeffrey to "date" again...
Posted by Investorcluzo , Sep 17, 2009 4:54PM
I'm happy for you and I'm going to let you finish, but first I gotta' say: that was awkward and I'm now wondering what to do since I feel dirty just thinking about what I just witnessed.
Posted by pfluger , Sep 17, 2009 4:55PM
@Maxwell/22-
Holy shit. That thing needs to be censored, by someone.
Warning to others - don't open that link. Its the gate to hell.
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:55PM
@36 Some people prefer thier partners that way
Greg Michaels
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:56PM
This post is worthless without pics.
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:59PM
whats wrong with a man wearing lipstick?
- Hank Paulson
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 4:59PM
shit for brains@40-- see comment 22.
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 5:00PM
I have an egg shaped merkhin made of collie hair
- DK
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 5:00PM
Who the Fuck is Jerry Epstein?
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 5:01PM
@34 excuse you, but that was a confidential interview and you signed papers saying you'd never mention that it happened to anyone, ever. and you never called me, you mother fucking pig.
-sc
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 5:02PM
when Spitzer is returning your campaign donations, you know youre a deviant fuck
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeffrey_Epstein
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 5:04PM
good god that was some amazing unintentional comedy.
"I'm willing to continue."
Posted by pfluger , Sep 17, 2009 5:07PM
I'm gonna drink like Chaz tonight. I am going to try to forget the nightmare @22 linked to.
The horror....
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 5:23PM
@36 not so sure. doesn't this recall the beer can vs. pencil debate?
Posted by Perkins Maxwell , Sep 17, 2009 5:25PM
@pfluger: want to drink away our pain together? Because I may not sleep tonight without a good half-dozen or more whiskies.
Posted by Humpty Dumpty , Sep 17, 2009 5:25PM
I don't get it.
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 5:27PM
People with egg-shaped units don't care about black people.
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 5:31PM
Yo Jeffery Im real happy for you an imma let you finish but my penis is the most mishapen of all time
- Knaye West
Posted by Maria B , Sep 17, 2009 5:34PM
He's a good egg...
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 5:37PM
greg michaels is in the dairy aisle at whole foods as we speak, choosing between battery and free range
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 5:40PM
@49, uhh, you got me
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 5:54PM
K-Fine and Merissa Ree next to each other is giving me a small-to-medium chubby.
Posted by Chazzy G , Sep 17, 2009 7:56PM
I'd hit it. In fact, I have.
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 8:44PM
Are you kidding me?
how much did that prosecutor's mommy and daddy pay to law schools for the kid to end up asking dudes about their mules?
only in fuckin florida!
TRB
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 10:21PM
just for the record the dude asking the qs is the attorney for the then 15 year old victim. The eggman has already done his time for the deed (i think it was for soliciting sex from a minor) and now it's his turn to play atm (not a2m) in a civil suit. So to prove he actually exhibited said egg-shaped penis (as she described it in the criminal complaint)to said minor, said attorney would be wise to prove that the eggman's joint is in fact egg-shaped.
Posted by guest , Sep 17, 2009 11:28PM
@60 - you ignoramus. "Facts" and "logic" are not welcome here. In fact, they are expressly dis-un-not-ex-welcomed.
This is a site about gossip, conjecture, and pure, made-up wild-assed butt-yanked bullshit.