• 03 Sep 2009 at 2:40 PM

SEC’s Latest Plan to Step Up Game: Train Employees

maryschapiro.jpgLook, I’m not saying this is a bad idea, but why must everything out of the Securities and Exchange Commission sound so god damn dumb? “Fraud college”? Is sticking “college” on the end of it supposed to make the thing seem prestigious? Like Hamburger University? It’s called telling people how to do their jobs, and not get the shit ridden out of them by the most famous dick in the world. It doesn’t need a name (though kudos for having the restraint to not call it the “fraud institute”). And then you have Dean of Students Schapiro chiming in that this unbridled genius blows her mind?

The Securities and Exchange Commission may create a “fraud college” to train staff in detecting market abuses after the agency failed to stop Bernard Madoff’s $65 billion Ponzi scheme, Chairman Mary Schapiro said.
“The fraud college concept is a great one,” Schapiro said today at a joint meeting with the Commodity Futures Trading Commission in Washington. Coordinating fraud-detection training with the CFTC “would be particularly valuable,” she said.

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Comments (77)

  1. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 2:44 PM

    Mary Schapiro School For Kids Who Can’t Find Their Heads From Their Asses, And Want To Learn To Do Other Stuff

  2. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 2:45 PM

    clown college is right

  3. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 2:46 PM

    it’s unfortunate this mary chick wasn’t around when I was running my business. you know i love blonde women. i would’ve tapped that ass so hard. you dont even know.
    -berns

  4. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 2:47 PM

    I wonder if they would let me lead an online class?
    BM

  5. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 2:48 PM
  6. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 2:50 PM

    I’m a college fraud. Should I apply?

  7. Posted by Becky Boot Fan | September 3, 2009 at 2:51 PM

    Hey Mary, your mom goes to college.

  8. Posted by Becky Boot Fan | September 3, 2009 at 2:51 PM

    Hey Mary, your mom goes to college.

  9. Posted by american bandersnatch | September 3, 2009 at 2:52 PM

    Nice to see everyone has 20/20 hindsight. Even is someone had an MBA from Fraud College and an internship at Dewey Cheatum & Howe, there’s no way they could have suspected what Bernie was up to.

  10. Posted by Anal_yst | September 3, 2009 at 2:53 PM

    Or they could, ya know, hire people who already know wtf they’re doing, but I mean whatever

  11. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 2:57 PM

    Bernie M. does not approve of Fraud U…he comes from the school of hard knocks.
    …and isn’t prison generally considered ‘crime school’…why don’t we just send the SEC to jail if they’re so eager to learn? Now THAT’S an idea!

  12. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 3:00 PM

    Hey guys, what I miss?
    Porker Stansberry

  13. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 3:03 PM

    more like clownface college

  14. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 3:04 PM

    @13 true story!
    -bernie

  15. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 3:04 PM

    actally, sorry, i think actually did bang that broad.
    -berns

  16. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 3:09 PM

    Asher Roth loves this idea.

  17. Posted by NakedShort | September 3, 2009 at 3:10 PM

    WIth 14 returning starters, an improving defense and solid talent to replenish the quarterback and running back positions, Fraud U is poised to earn a New Year’s Day bowl bid for the second straight year, something the Fightin’ Scammers havent done since 1987-88.
    Thanks to the absense of Ponzi State from this year’s schedule, making a run at a share of the conference title is not out of the question for a team that finished only one game behind the Big House champion Ponzinators a year ago.
    From Year 1 to Year 2 under new coach Bernie Madoff, the Scammers improved from 2-6 to 4-1 in games decided by seven points of less. That trend must continue.

  18. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 3:11 PM

    CFA, MBA or Fraud College?

  19. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 3:27 PM

    First rule of fraud college is there is no fraud college.

  20. Posted by Becky Boot Fan | September 3, 2009 at 3:28 PM

    “Christ. Seven years of fraud college down the drain. Might as well join the fucking Peace Corps.”

  21. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 3:28 PM

    Hopefully there will be an elective on the benefits of applying make-up.
    Geez woman…

  22. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 3:37 PM

    I did learn to apply make up, new looks becomes me so well (or so I am told).
    berns

  23. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 3:41 PM

    Earth to Mary – just quit already and let someone qualified do the job.

  24. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 3:52 PM

    “Fraud College”??? They are talking about Harvard aren’t they?

  25. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 3:53 PM

    @24 – More like Wharton but you got the drift

  26. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 3:53 PM

    I don’t think her hand gestures are referring to Madoff in any way.
    ~The Observant Trader

  27. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 3:55 PM

    @24 well played sir, well played

  28. Posted by guest | September 3, 2009 at 5:02 PM

    Now, seriously folks. How much is “Fraud College” really supposed to help people who were presented with a paper that said “his trading strategy is impossible because the volume of trades required for it to work is more than any exchange has ever reported?”
    What’s needed is something like fraud Pre-K.
    Let’s start with coloring, move on to Dr. Seuss (the 7-bunt Whunt for starters), and we’ll deal with more complicated items as they arise.

  29. Posted by Anal_yst | September 3, 2009 at 6:31 PM

    @28
    GTFO with your logic, facts and sh*t, this is the SEC we’re talkin’ about here, those things are erroneous, moot, irrelevant, etc!

  30. Posted by Jennifer | September 4, 2009 at 12:29 AM

    Send them the movie “Stock Shock” for an education. This new film explains the whole process of market manipulation and is a pretty good movie. On DVD only, of course. Amazon has it or stockshockmovie.com

  31. Posted by Jennifer | September 4, 2009 at 12:29 AM

    Send them the movie “Stock Shock” for an education. This new film explains the whole process of market manipulation and is a pretty good movie. On DVD only, of course. Amazon has it or stockshockmovie.com

  32. Posted by guest | September 4, 2009 at 5:16 AM

    Give Mary a break. She nailed Tyler Durden for insider trading while at FINRA. I hear he’s going to be an assistant professor at FU.

  33. Posted by guest | September 4, 2009 at 10:09 AM

    As a lowly individual investor, I find this post amusing. Yeah the SEC screwed up with Madoff, but what about the morons who brought us into the worst economic debacle in decades? I’m not convinced that Wall St is operated by a bunch of geniuses either.

  34. Posted by guest | September 4, 2009 at 10:11 AM

    As a lowly individual investor, I find this post amusing. Yeah the SEC screwed up with Madoff, but what about the morons who brought us into the worst economic debacle in decades? I’m not convinced that Wall St is operated by a bunch of geniuses either.

  35. Posted by guest | September 4, 2009 at 10:12 AM

    As a lowly individual investor, I find this post amusing. Yeah the SEC screwed up with Madoff, but what about the morons who brought us into the worst economic debacle in decades? I’m not convinced that Wall St is operated by a bunch of geniuses either.

  36. Posted by guest | September 4, 2009 at 10:18 AM

    My blackberry browser is having issues – apologies for the repeat comments above.

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