• 29 Sep 2009 at 5:14 PM

UBS: Everything Is Cool But Don’t Come In ‘Til We’ve Sterilized The Place

By Bess Levin

So UBS has yet to say definitively whether or not they’ve got an outbreak on their hands but they have informed the new associate and analyst classes to enjoy themselves a four day weekend, ’cause there’s no need to come in for training tomorrow (again). Additionally, only those wearing hazmat suits should get close to the area. Again, no conclusions should be jumped to, as this could mean anything from a surprise party to chlamydia. Regardless, do not fear. The Swiss have this thing under control.

We’ve been informed by the overlords that the training room has been “cleaned and disinfected,” as though there was some sort of ebola virus in there, and put on lock down until Thursday.

Comments (15)

  1. 1
    Posted by guest | September 29, 2009 at 5:19 PM

    Without training, how will they learn to hide money for the IRS?

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | September 29, 2009 at 5:28 PM

    The swiss are being downgraded from Neutral to outright pussies

  3. 3
    Posted by guest | September 29, 2009 at 5:31 PM

    @2 ftw
    -mark haines

  4. 4
    Posted by guest | September 29, 2009 at 5:36 PM

    UBS analyst/associate = a bigger FAIL than Greg.

  5. 5
    Posted by guest | September 29, 2009 at 5:43 PM

    @2 we’ve been at outright pussy for a while now, thanks.

  6. 6
    Posted by guest | September 29, 2009 at 5:49 PM

    @5, we at the rating agencies would rather state the blatently obvious, than go out on a limb and state the merely obvious. thus the lag in noting the pussy status.

  7. 7
    Posted by guest | September 29, 2009 at 6:29 PM

    @8 FTMFW!

  8. 8
    Posted by guest | September 29, 2009 at 6:54 PM

    Yeah, me! ——————————>
    -Choade (Brother of SPODE)

  9. 9
    Posted by Anal_yst | September 29, 2009 at 7:16 PM

    Wait, UBS hired an analyst and associate class this year? Are you F*cking sh*tting me? Seriously? WTF?!?!

  10. 10
    Posted by guest | September 29, 2009 at 8:24 PM

    Bess, could you please include “disease” and “swine” as tags from now on whenever UBS is tagged?

  11. 11
    Posted by guest | September 29, 2009 at 9:06 PM 
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                           _            ___   _   _    ___  | | __  ___  / __| | | | |  / __| | |/ / / __| \__ \ | |_| | | (__  |    |___/  \__,_|  \___| |_|\_\ |___/
  12. 12
    Posted by guest | September 30, 2009 at 6:46 AM

    @11 Although I agree with the sentiment, there is a fair amount of “fail” in your post.

  13. 13
    Posted by guest | September 30, 2009 at 8:48 AM

    @12, total fail.
    thanks for understanding.
    -11

  14. 14
    Posted by guest | September 30, 2009 at 8:48 AM

    @12, total fail.
    thanks for understanding.
    -11

  15. 15
    Posted by Tax Chick | September 30, 2009 at 9:57 AM

    @11
    “A” for effort, though.

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