The Times has an exposé today on Mayor Bloomberg’s eating disorder, the fallout from which the city of New York is suffering. Basically Hizzoner binge and purges constantly and on really bad days looks in the mirror and thinks “you don’t deserve a third term because you’re a fat fat fattie fat.” The crescendo of the piece is the accompanying slideshow, entitled “The Mayor In Snack Mode,” in which the Gray Lady presents us with close ups of Mikey Boy literally shoving food in his mouth (chicken wings? pizza? don’t mind if I do!), after noting that just the sight of an unflattering picture can trigger foul moods and episodes of gluttonous ecstasy, followed by starvation, practically ensuring the guy’s going to knock over a 7-11 tonight after work. It’s pretty uncool of the paper, of course, and not very sensitive, but obviously our minds immediately turned to how we could exploit the Bloomie’s skills for sport. Has Oyster Boy met his match? Pretty confident Mike would’ve actually had the Munchkins swallowed and digested by the buzzer. No special ruling necessary.
HE dumps salt on almost everything, even saltine crackers. He devours burnt bacon and peanut butter sandwiches. He has a weakness for hot dogs, cheeseburgers, and fried chicken, washing them down with a glass of merlot.
As a billionaire in one of the dining capitals of the world, he can eat anything he wants. But he is obsessed with his weight — so much so that the sight of an unflattering photo of himself can trigger weeks of intense dieting and crankiness, according to friends and aides.
Fuck you.
-sc
Emperor Bloomberg is free to eat whatever he chooses. He is a magnanimous and benevolent ruler, and everyone should give him their unconditional love.
Mmmm…fried chicken and merlot…goes together like Greg and proper grammar.
I can’t even read this without craving a ham sandwich.
-stamford
Bess, how hard did you have to restrain yourself to not claim this story was about your favorite Zamboni driver?
god damn i’m starving
@5:
Mike is a friend of mine.
-cg
“you don’t deserve a third term because you’re a fat fat fattie fat.”
bess levin for mayor of nyc
@7, Mike is also a Buck Futter.
he looks so sensy in that pic
Dat chicken wing could use some ketchup.
-CG
Really, though, once Bloomberg loses his sex appeal, it’s all over for him.
I sucked dick for a short stack of silver dollar pancakes — That’s an addiction.
-MM
@13:
He will always have his nasal, whiny Boston accent to fall back on. And his imperious ways…
I would call him a pussy and say he is being a total chick but I dont want to get served by Boville.
That slideshow was tame. MM could eat out-eat (eat out) MB anyday.
Obviously the author has very few morals if she feels this is appropriate. You’re a complete ass!
Obviously the author has very few morals if she feels this is appropriate. What a complete ass!
“Dont just look at it- eat it”
Bess you are tag-tastic
Unflattering photos make me pissy and cranky too, ya know.
Fortunately, there are none, because I’m fuckin’ ripped, and my broken nose adds a bit of ruggedness to my handsome Greco-Roman features.
In Rego Park, I am considered a God.
-cg
like a true jewish woman (I mean bloomy, not bess)
@17/18 Did I write the NYT story? Did you fail to read where I noted that it was uncool of them and not very sensitive to prey on MB’s insecurities? S a fucking D and have a great day.
Bess Levin, Amandar Drury, JEpstein
m/f/k
That wing looks so good… imagine if they made wings dipped in, in like, chocolate or something… I would totally buy chocolate wings… why don’t companies make those? I’ll bet they’d sell like thousands … that’s so hilarious …chocolate wings… chocolate wings … we totally have to make those … what’s on tv?
-J. Cayne
get in my belly chicken wings!!!
-you know who
Hey 17/18, it’s not like she accused Mike of having an egg shaped penis.
Jeff Epstein
who knew the nyt could be funny?
@27, I prefer to describe it as blimp-shaped.
@ 25- “Choclate wings” – I lost lost my appetite
@ 25- “Choclate wings” – I just lost my appetite
Unflattering?! I leave only the sensy pictures of myself for my male coworkers, will that hurt my case?
-Lindy B.
MB, my brother from another mother.
-sc
@32 /Lindy:
Please forward the photos in question. While we are not willing to offer legal advice at this time, if the photos pass my very rigid requirements, we will consider making you a representative.
- mb
That pizza looks delicious
-MM
I prefer penises to look like red lipstick.
Dennis Kneale
Oh man, dat zeppoli Bloomie is dippin in dat Times photo spread is to fuckin’ die for. Dese Times journalists are fuckin’ pros, like me.
-cg
(1) seriously, how many cg’s do we need? if you’re going to come with the cg angle, please have something more witty than a “dis n dat” comment. just sayin’…
(2) bloomy is talking out of both sides of his mouth…”I enjoy a big mac…I just want to know how many calories it has” then he’s eating a zeppoli after dipping it in powdered sugar. what are the odds he knows how many cals are in that little tasty pastry?
youse guys can neva have too many of da cg.
-cg
Fuggetaboudit!
-CG
Dis ‘n dat. -CG
“practically ensuring the guy’s going to knock over a 7-11 tonight after work”
I love you bess levin.
@42 one of her best lines ever. “you don’t deserve a third term because you’re a fat fat fattie fat.” was also great
Bloomberg’s a fat fuck, and we all have to suffer because he can’t stop stuffing his fat face.
There is only one thing more tasty than chco chicken wings… wings with cartel blood diamonds all over ‘em.