The hideous eyesore you see above isn’t just a bed, it’s a sleeping experience. It’s called the “Sphere” and it will run you about $50,000. I know, sounds kind of steep to pay for a mattress that doesn’t spontaneously blow you the moment you get in but guess what, this baby also comes bunch of other shit you probably already own, like an iPod dock and flat screen TV, and having it all in the bed will make you feel like a man (as will the cooler for drinks and the sweat-wicking system). The Journal reports manufacturers are hoping there’s a market out there for guys looking to throw down a bunch of money for sleep stations like the Sphere, which are centered around the idea of “macho mattresses” containing “muscle-recovery properties” and cooling technology (based on the theory that men are more likely to feel hot in bed than women) and then fully-loaded with special add-ons like a safe to hold your gun and other manly stuff. To that end, there’s this:
Luxury auto brand Lamborghini, which is owned by Volkswagen AG, has teamed up with Italian mattress maker Magniflex SpA to design a mattress aimed at men who love sports cars.
God, is there anything that makes you feel more like a man than laying down at night and dreaming about (sucking) tailpipe? One thing I’m troubled by is that the “Lamborghini bed” is really just this:
A regular bed with the logo slapped on. Which strikes me as a rip. Why not just buy one of these (which would actually probably get you a little more respect from the ladies, provided you own it) and call it a day? Anygay, thoughts?
This will need to wick more than sweat before I buy one.
Chaz
It’s not a joke. Steve Cohen sleeps in a zamboni bed, with the air conditioning turned on “high.” In addition, a “nature-noise” cd loops the sound of slapshots throughout the night. This puts the big guy at ease (understandably so).
We’ve finally hit the bottom.
At RBS, we sleep in cardboard boxes.
@4 maybe you, peasant, but I sleep on the finest down mattress money can buy.
-fred goodwin
At GS, we don’t sleep.
@6 fuck you and stop stealing our lines.
-vickles
Does it come with a phone or other communication device to talk to other car beds?
seriously what’s with the colour? and its targeted at men?
any guy who has this bed is not getting laid, and therefore needs all the other junk to keep him from getting bored at night. makes total sense.
Car beds? Please say you’re not kidding.
J. Macke
nothing says dashing, outgoing and succesful like a jumped up posturpedic with a television five feet from your head
@11 you should be their spokesman.
I like da red bed alot. But da ceiling looks kinda low, and I’m worried about staining it. I wonder if the fabric has Scotch Guard.
-cg
@10: ….or to entertain his male guests, you’d know what i’m talking about, right? pop some Freixenet and bust out the KY because that would look too good in your upper manhattan apartment?
Damn it Beth, why did you have to post a link to a photo of my bed?
I like to keep an air of mystery about myself.
-cg
14, does the word “the” exist in your vocabulary, or did you lose that with the rest of the right side of your brain when your aunt aka “mom” dropped you from the cinder block porch outside your mobile home?
I was furniture shopping in South Florida and they were pitching me on a similar bed from this manufacturer. They go for 30-50k and have only been purchased by professional poker players who stay in bed for hours to play online and a few members of the Miami Heat / Dolphins…. I don’t aspire to be like any of the above mentioned and more importantly am not a tool so I politely told the owner of the showroom to go fuck himself.
Bess, which bed do you prefer?
@15/17 welcome to dealbreaker.
1. all gay jokes must be explicitly directed at a male heterosexual CNBC anchor or Dennis Kneale
2. dont mess with pfluger/cg. youre out of your fucking element, donny
@17
F da W.
“Dude, your bed’s a Car”
“yeah, but it’s a f***ing sweet car”
http://media.photobucket.com/image/grandma%252527s%20boy%20car%20bed/fitnesbuf/Grandmas-Boy-fox05-1.jpg
I know, I know, I’m the 3rd one making the Grandma’s Boy reference, but it’s just too good to pass up.
@15/17 furthermore…
3. when referencing a previous comment, use @comment# rather than comment# then a comma
4. your login name is…just wrong in so many ways
the article tag is FTW! hilarious. did not know one can get more chest hair by having Gasparino grunt you to sleep, but now I do.
“grunt you to sleep”
awesome
@2 where did you obtain this information?
-sc
wait, where can I get the bed that spontaneously blows me?
Why is there an egg-shaped circle around the tv? Is this the J. Epstein edition?
The tags just keep getting better. But the purpose of tags (at least on other sites) is to help the search for similar topics.
Just sayin’.
@27- Her name is Ashley, and she’s not a bed.
-Eliot S.
@29 Thanks, boss. Working at an internet company, I had no idea. In all seriousness (kidding), I don’t care about search engine optimization. I’m confident people will find my posts one way or another, and I’d rather use the space to promote Charlie’s services.
http://www.gaylord.org/pages/sleep_serv.html
Bess,
some of these commentators are getting uppity. I think you need to instigate a no holds barred smackdown MWhitney style
@29 WTF you talking about? I clicked that tag and it took me immediately to a strikingly similar post. Talk about optimization.
@33 – do you even KNOW what a smackdown is? Here’s a clue – it’s not when your boyfriends balls hit you on top of the head instead of under your chin…
You don’t care about search engine optimization, only entertaining current readers? How un-capitalist of you Bess! Your makin’ me hot. I’m going to go eat a dozen jelly filled donuts now.
In other news, Lamborghini recently hired several brand management experts from Chrysler and General Motors. Almost hard to believe they were such a steal!
Hmmm, will it fit in my boat and will it hold my 5 cabin boys?
Hell yes I’m spending my bonus on one of these babies.
And @29, s my d
MW
Who is Bess? Is that the name of the bed?
@30 count it!
@ 50k does Bess come with a sperm receptacle or do I have to hire one?
Undoubtedly big sellers in states with same sex marriage, nttawwt.
@40 too hetero
Shagadelic baby, yeah!
Bess is for females only
@46 I’ll cut you a deal. I’ll tape my schlong to my leg and it won’t even seem like it was there.
#46, Can I watch?
#47
I’ll come up behind you too. Hell yes @48 can watch.
@49 who the hell do i look like, mary magdalene? not going to happen…
@49
I thought you looked like Raymond Burr without the mustache (when he was still alive that is).
yeah, but its a fucking sweet car.
/grandma’s boy’d
Does the bed come with the John Thain model of Commodes?
I’d shoot my own daughter in the ovaries if I ever found out she’d slept with the DB that would own such a bed.
The market for this bed is chronic meat yankers; probably has voice controled rewind/play so they don’t get Jergens on the electrical contacts.
@54 pics of your daughter?
@55, here ya go…
http://www.customizedgirl.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/mackenzie_phillips2.jpg
She’s hott!
Charlie Gasparino grunts me to sleep every night.
D.K.
I am late, but I hope life is not about bonuses and pithy conjectures. Sure, it’s fun to think you’re in control. However, pushing capital is not admirable. Don’t be ashamed, just look deeper.
@58
yes, you’re late and go kill yourself
Wow, that red bed brings back fond memories of the ole Mount Airy Lodge in the beautiful Pocono Mountains.
@58
GET THE F#%K OUT!
Of course it’s in red, it’s a “Period Piece.” Brought to you by Stayfree.
@56 yeah i’d hit that…..with a shovel. how many years of binge drinking and pitiful self-lamentation did it take for you to realize that going down on cousin Mary was a poor decision?
@56
Quote from her book.
“I enjoyed anal, mommy didn’t”
Stan Oneal had one of these in his office.
I gotta ask, with a math degree and a pretty strong Kindergarten education in Shapes 1,
HOW THE HELL DO THEY GET “SPHERE”??