Fucking women. It’s not that financial services firms in the UK don’t want to employ them, or think they couldn’t do just as bang-up a job as the men. This is not one of those situations.* The Brits love the ladies and would like nothing than more to hire them, and maybe maul them a little on the job. And therein lies the problem. Not with the grabbing of asses, per se. Nothing wrong with that. The issue is with the obscene potential pay-out these chippies could collect in the event their colleagues or superiors decide through no fault of their own to get pawsy.
Archive for October 14th, 2009
UK Firms Can’t Have Women Around The Office On The Off Chance Someone Reaches Out And Touches Them
By Bess LevinWhoever came closest to 1:22 without going over, please get in touch to collect your prize at this time. Over at CNBC they had the story queued up and ready to go before we “breached” 10k, obit-style.
Goldman’s chief economist may call for a collective deep breath when it comes to the costs of the financial crisis, but for the EU, the collective itself may be the problem over the coming years. The European Commission has raised the deficit alert level for the U.K., Spain, Ireland, Greece and Latvia to “serious concern” for their efforts trying to avoid a complete economic meltdown. Having avoided disaster for now, the fiscal five of concern now get to focus on their new status quo in which “avoiding exponentially increasing debts is a policy challenge already in a medium-term perspective.” While a situation like that could also be an issue for the US, unless we’re going to potentially kick states out of the union for piling on obscene levels of debt, it’s Washington’s problem. However, to keep your EU membership card, there are standards.
Here are five statements recently made by five different money managers:
* You will get your Q3 letter before the end of Q4
* No, I’m not retiring so that I can start Long Island’s first tobacco plantation
* Ball parking it, our assets under management are in the range of this figure
* If you fucksticks don’t get it together I’m going to seriously consider eliminating KFC Fridays.
* Trust me, the 3&50 is worth it. You’re on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.
According to a new study, one of them is a lie.
So that we’re all prepared for the balloons, streamers, and Maria Bartiromo, jumping out of a cake on the floor of the stock exchange, please predict when, down to the minute, this thing is happening. Is today at 12:47? Tomorrow at 3:15? Look into your crystal balls and let us know. The first to guess correctly will win either the last pair of Money Crocs we have left, or the opportunity to accompany me when I interview Christine Mancision, the girl who was nearly danced to death (I left her a voicemail at Luxor Capital and I’m confident she’ll want to discuss this thing further).
Say you’ve fleeced some local banks and credit unions out of 200k. It’s not a fortune, but given how hard you had to work for it, it’ll do. But the authorities are on to you and you have to make a run for it. You decide to make a run for the border- but which border? Even though you’re in Seattle and Canada is a stone’s throw away, you decide to head for warmer weather and Mexico. You hit the border and floor it to Cancun just in time for spring break. You’ve done it. The authorities can’t find you and you’re living the life. In fact, you’re having such a good time, you want all your friends to know about it. So you update your Facebook page and throw in some pearls of wisdom you’ve stumbled upon since arriving in Mexico.
8:59 Music hold. (Mozart? Whatever it is it sounds regal.)
9:03 CFO Mike Cavanagh in the house. “Great strength” in investment bank. Reading of the slides.
9:07 Wamu integration going “nicely.”
9:20 In the investment bank “we’re seeing great results in the markets biz.” Retail financial services side: “under pressure. Nothing new here.”
9:25 We’re “hearing” a lot of stuff about possible regulatory changes. We’re confident we’ll be able to handle whatever the gov throws our way.
- Use the Bloomberg command
NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <GO>
to access Dealbreaker
