By all accounts Bernie Madoff’s a pretty mild-mannered guy who loves to laugh and will dance his face off in the right setting. Cross him, however, and he will fuck up your universe. Some unnamed shmo inside the Butner, NC federal prison learned this the hard way last week. Details are scant but the Post reports that Ponzi boy and a fellow inmate were discussing the “state of the market” during free time in the yard. The debate got heated and things escalated quickly. Frustrated with Madoff’s verbal sparring skills, the other guy decided to make this thing physical and pushed Berns, who shoved back “with both hands,” causing his opponent to stumble. Then, when the attacker tried to get up, Madoff “hovered over him red-faced and glaring,” according to eyewitnesses, and the Master of Ponz, now dubbed Bernie “The Bruiser” Madoff was declared the winner. Obviously at this time we need to fill in some missing info.
1. What were the two actually arguing about? The shape of the recovery (the attacker said V, Bernie said B)? Whether or not the stimulus is working? Who would win in a cleave-off, Amanda Drury or Tits Caruso Cabrera?
2. What are the other guy’s credentials, i.e. where does he come off thinking he can wax poetic on the markets with Berns? Did he ever run his own Ponzi scheme? Is he a Goldman alum? Former CNBC commentator?
3. When things got physical, were the other prisoners all circled around them, cheering Madoff on?
4. Were the phrases “I’ll eat your asshole,” “I’ll fuck you ‘til you love me,” “I’ll fuck your ass in front of everybody,” or “You wouldn’t last two minutes in my world, white boy” uttered?
4. When Bernie was “hovering” over the guy, did he spit on him?
5. Not a question so much as a request— we need a better nickname than “The Bruiser” for the new king of the yard.
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:05AM
there is nothing not awesome about this guy
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:06AM
@1 agreed
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:07AM
@1 I can think of one thing.
-sheryl w
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:09AM
I would've won dis fight.
-cg
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:10AM
So he argued that he wasn't a bottom?
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:10AM
I will fuck you till you love me.
-Mike "tattoo face" Tyson
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:12AM
Is he going to get himself one of those tear tattoos next to his eye now?
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:16AM
Bernie is in prison because he knows this is a liquidity-fueled suckers' rally and "the authorities" don't want that message to get out.
-Tyler Durden
Posted by Seaman Bodine II , Oct 13, 2009 10:16AM
"I'm not sayin' I been in jail, I'm a hardcore. Naw, 'cus there's a bunch of homosexuals, a bunch of fags, a bunch of weak people in jail. And the reason why people go to jail is because they don't have their shit in check, and they can't manage their lives. So that don't mean you're a bad guy 'cus you're in jail. It means you're pretty much a dysfunctional, weak individual, and you can't manage your life outside in the world."
- Champ
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:17AM
BOOM, here comes the Madoff.
The Sizzler
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:17AM
This kind of stuff happens at SAC all the time. It's no big deal.
Posted by EvilBuzzard , Oct 13, 2009 10:19AM
It's not a bottom until Madoff prison-rapes it and proves it's a bottom.
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:19AM
re #5-- I'll tell you this. BSD wouldn't work.
-you know who
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:19AM
The Post is relying on paid jailhouse snitches?
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:20AM
My inside source tells me they were arguing about which is better in this job market: MBA or CFA.
Which *is* better, by the way? I'm so curious.
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:20AM
Instead of The Bruiser, how about The Jewser?
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:21AM
@16 that's good
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:22AM
Oh, please. This was staged.
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:25AM
@18 say that to my face you freaky piece of shit.
-Berns
Posted by trojan , Oct 13, 2009 10:27AM
first rule of prison- get in serious fight so that people think you're hard. in a fed min prison this qualifies as a battle royal
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:28AM
@trojan- he's been in there for a while now, and he already had people's respect. I don't think this was staged. he gets heated up about the markets.
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:28AM
He needs to start getting some tattoo's.
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:30AM
Bernie raped his investors. What goes around eventually cums around. However, if and when Bernie's boys are sent to the stir, they're more likely to get some jailhouse rock.
Posted by NakedShort , Oct 13, 2009 10:31AM
What the fuck does Madoff thinks he knows about the markets? He spent 20 years largely ignoring them.
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:32AM
judt don't drop the soap near bernie
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:32AM
@naked- why so serious?
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:32AM
16 FTW
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:32AM
23 = ruth
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:34AM
The Jewser - He will Jew you up and spit you out!
Posted by Investorcluzo , Oct 13, 2009 10:35AM
it most definitely is egg shaped!
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:35AM
Sweep the leg, Bernie! Sweep him!
-Walter Noel
Posted by Thurston Howell III , Oct 13, 2009 10:36AM
Berns took him down like "Iron Mike" Tyson back in the day...from this day forward Bernie will reign as the "Iron Kike"
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:38AM
The Raper
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:39AM
32,
NICE!
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:40AM
I heard Bernie was defending Greg Michaels, the other guy not a fan.
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:40AM
"and then, to add insult to injury, he fucked me in the eardrum!"
-The other guy
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:54AM
32 made me spit out coffee on my computer. +1!
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 10:59AM
31 ftw
-45 year old ralph macchio
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 11:10AM
is this the human equivalent of elderly cock fighting?
Posted by NotNasser , Oct 13, 2009 11:13AM
"he gets heated up about the markets."
Ummmm, no. He doesn't. He is left so cold by the markets that he never seems to have tried to, like, trade in any of them.
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 11:13AM
weren't they arguing over the steady returns one could make from split strike conversion trading?
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 11:14AM
Quantum physics is easy for me.
Charles Gasparino
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 11:20AM
@39 yes.
-barney frank
Posted by Becky Boot Fan , Oct 13, 2009 11:21AM
Kaiser Soze!
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 11:22AM
Bern's wife passed him a shiv made out of thousand dollar bills.
Posted by guest , Oct 13, 2009 11:40AM
?? My friends are arguing and fighting about whether this is a topm not a bottom!!
Posted by MEat , Oct 13, 2009 1:23PM
BG of GS woulda clocked him