By all accounts Bernie Madoff’s a pretty mild-mannered guy who loves to laugh and will dance his face off in the right setting. Cross him, however, and he will fuck up your universe. Some unnamed shmo inside the Butner, NC federal prison learned this the hard way last week. Details are scant but the Post reports that Ponzi boy and a fellow inmate were discussing the “state of the market” during free time in the yard. The debate got heated and things escalated quickly. Frustrated with Madoff’s verbal sparring skills, the other guy decided to make this thing physical and pushed Berns, who shoved back “with both hands,” causing his opponent to stumble. Then, when the attacker tried to get up, Madoff “hovered over him red-faced and glaring,” according to eyewitnesses, and the Master of Ponz, now dubbed Bernie “The Bruiser” Madoff was declared the winner. Obviously at this time we need to fill in some missing info.
1. What were the two actually arguing about? The shape of the recovery (the attacker said V, Bernie said B)? Whether or not the stimulus is working? Who would win in a cleave-off, Amanda Drury or Tits Caruso Cabrera?
2. What are the other guy’s credentials, i.e. where does he come off thinking he can wax poetic on the markets with Berns? Did he ever run his own Ponzi scheme? Is he a Goldman alum? Former CNBC commentator?
3. When things got physical, were the other prisoners all circled around them, cheering Madoff on?
4. Were the phrases “I’ll eat your asshole,” “I’ll fuck you ’til you love me,” “I’ll fuck your ass in front of everybody,” or “You wouldn’t last two minutes in my world, white boy” uttered?
4. When Bernie was “hovering” over the guy, did he spit on him?
5. Not a question so much as a request– we need a better nickname than “The Bruiser” for the new king of the yard.
there is nothing not awesome about this guy
@1 agreed
@1 I can think of one thing.
-sheryl w
I would’ve won dis fight.
-cg
So he argued that he wasn’t a bottom?
I will fuck you till you love me.
-Mike “tattoo face” Tyson
Is he going to get himself one of those tear tattoos next to his eye now?
Bernie is in prison because he knows this is a liquidity-fueled suckers’ rally and “the authorities” don’t want that message to get out.
-Tyler Durden
“I’m not sayin’ I been in jail, I’m a hardcore. Naw, ‘cus there’s a bunch of homosexuals, a bunch of fags, a bunch of weak people in jail. And the reason why people go to jail is because they don’t have their shit in check, and they can’t manage their lives. So that don’t mean you’re a bad guy ‘cus you’re in jail. It means you’re pretty much a dysfunctional, weak individual, and you can’t manage your life outside in the world.”
- Champ
BOOM, here comes the Madoff.
The Sizzler
This kind of stuff happens at SAC all the time. It’s no big deal.
It’s not a bottom until Madoff prison-rapes it and proves it’s a bottom.
re #5– I’ll tell you this. BSD wouldn’t work.
-you know who
The Post is relying on paid jailhouse snitches?
My inside source tells me they were arguing about which is better in this job market: MBA or CFA.
Which *is* better, by the way? I’m so curious.
Instead of The Bruiser, how about The Jewser?
@16 that’s good
Oh, please. This was staged.
@18 say that to my face you freaky piece of shit.
-Berns
first rule of prison- get in serious fight so that people think you’re hard. in a fed min prison this qualifies as a battle royal
@trojan- he’s been in there for a while now, and he already had people’s respect. I don’t think this was staged. he gets heated up about the markets.
He needs to start getting some tattoo’s.
Bernie raped his investors. What goes around eventually cums around. However, if and when Bernie’s boys are sent to the stir, they’re more likely to get some jailhouse rock.
What the fuck does Madoff thinks he knows about the markets? He spent 20 years largely ignoring them.
judt don’t drop the soap near bernie
@naked- why so serious?
16 FTW
23 = ruth
The Jewser – He will Jew you up and spit you out!
it most definitely is egg shaped!
Sweep the leg, Bernie! Sweep him!
-Walter Noel
Berns took him down like “Iron Mike” Tyson back in the day…from this day forward Bernie will reign as the “Iron Kike”
The Raper
32,
NICE!
I heard Bernie was defending Greg Michaels, the other guy not a fan.
“and then, to add insult to injury, he fucked me in the eardrum!”
-The other guy
32 made me spit out coffee on my computer. +1!
31 ftw
-45 year old ralph macchio
is this the human equivalent of elderly cock fighting?
“he gets heated up about the markets.”
Ummmm, no. He doesn’t. He is left so cold by the markets that he never seems to have tried to, like, trade in any of them.
weren’t they arguing over the steady returns one could make from split strike conversion trading?
Quantum physics is easy for me.
Charles Gasparino
@39 yes.
-barney frank
Kaiser Soze!
Bern’s wife passed him a shiv made out of thousand dollar bills.
?? My friends are arguing and fighting about whether this is a topm not a bottom!!
BG of GS woulda clocked him