Here’s some really awful news sure to shake you to the core. You know that function on your Bloomberg that let’s you see how many times your profile has been accessed? Of course you do, you check daily. Everyone does, even the big guys. It might not seem like that big a deal, and of course there are easier venues through which to stalk people, but be honest: you get off on knowing people are looking at you. Watching you. Seeing if you’ve been referenced in any business articles lately. But those days are over. Some of you probably noticed something awry a few days ago but didn’t want to jump to such a horrible conclusion. Fortunately, some banker chickadee, also reeling from the revelation, set out to get proof, and then passed it around to her comrades at work. On the bright side it appears that while the function has indeed been removed, Bloomberg has made its staff available to help you masturbate to your own existence while on the desk, in the event you need a helping hand.
13:27:14 BANKER GIRL : hello
13:27:14 HELP DESK : Thank you for using Bloomberg HELP! We have
received your question, and a live representative will be with you momentarily.
Thank you for your patience.
13:27:16 *** BBERG HELP DESK GUY (BLOOMBERG/ LONDON) has entered
the room
13:27:25 BANKER GIRL : i cant see how many times people look at
my profile anymore
13:27:30 BANKER GIRL : what is up with that
13:27:34 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : HI [redacted],
13:28:09 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : i am afriad that this took up too
much processing power so we removed this functionality
13:28:18 BANKER GIRL : WHAT?
13:28:25 BANKER GIRL : that was the best function on bbg
13:28:56 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : i was rather disappointed with it
[redacted]
me….
13:29:24 BANKER GIRL : well i got a lot more hits than that because
i have a good profile pic
13:30:46 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : Indeed, so mine isn’t any very good.
I suppose your right.
I do not believe we have plans to get this back i am afriad but let me
jsut check for you .
13:31:52 BANKER GIRL : your photo isnt so bad
13:32:58 BANKER GIRL : where is City Gate House?
13:33:49 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : Just by London wall, a bouple of
Blocks from the Bank Of England
13:33:54 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : *couple
13:34:00 BANKER GIRL : oh cool i used to live ther
13:34:13 BANKER GIRL : i lived directly across the thames from
the Globe theater
13:34:27 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : right by the Samel Pepys?
13:34:39 BANKER GIRL : hmm maybe i dont know, very near st pauls
cathedral
13:35:23 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : yea thats the one - its right next
door, overlooking the river http://www.thesamuelpepys.co.uk/
13:35:47 BANKER GIRL : hmm i dont remember that place
13:35:57 BANKER GIRL : i remember there was a yo sushi and a domino’s
13:36:18 BANKER GIRL : do you like yo sushi?
13:37:05 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : big fan… prefer ITsu though..better
fish
13:37:46 BANKER GIRL : yeah yo sushi didnt have like the highest
quality sushi but the conveyor belt thing was cool
13:37:51 BANKER GIRL : they need to get that in nyc
13:38:42 BANKER GIRL : have you ever been to nyc?
13:39:00 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : apparently theres one opening on
43rd and Lex soon..
sadly not
13:39:23 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : i was supposed to stay last year
but had to work
13:39:29 BANKER GIRL : REALLY?
13:39:31 BANKER GIRL : NO WAY
13:39:36 BANKER GIRL : awesome, i will have to go
13:39:43 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : on thta note
13:39:49 BANKER GIRL : omg you should totally come to nyc, the
bbg building here is SICK
13:39:54 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : iby the way i am afraid that they
are not planing to get back the Hit counter
13:40:00 BANKER GIRL : WHY
13:40:04 BANKER GIRL : everyone loves it
13:40:10 BANKER GIRL : another guy here asking the same question
13:40:20 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : (as is the London BBG building)
13:40:36 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : it is jsut that it took up too much
procesig power i am afraid.
13:40:43 BANKER GIRL : lame
13:40:55 BANKER GIRL : you guys are bbg, you should find a solution
to that problem
13:41:29 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : we will endeavour to do so [redacted].
I will update you if there is any plans to get this turned back on.
13:42:31 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : is there anything else i can do for
you today (bar the hit counter) ?
13:42:44 BANKER GIRL : so then how am i supposed to know how many people check me out each day?
13:42:53 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : so whats your reccord?
13:43:02 BANKER GIRL : 12
13:43:24 BANKER GIRL : although frankly i think that’s when everyone
on my ex boyfriends desk checked me out after we broke up
13:45:16 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : my condolences though at leastt you
got the satisfaction of an increase in Hits.
13:47:22 BANKER GIRL : yeah exactly
13:47:38 BANKER GIRL : is there anyway to figure out who specifically
checks your page?
13:47:46 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : i am afriad not
13:47:46 BANKER GIRL : i bet that stalker checks me out every
day
13:48:56 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : surely facebook would be a better
stalking site though…you can just
13:49:08 BANKER GIRL : nah, i blocked him on fb
13:49:11 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : save a BIO
then e couldhave it as his desktop
13:49:47 BANKER GIRL : furthermore, he had this guy from his desk
continuously call here asking to speak to him
13:50:19 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : speak to you you mean?…you can
blosk him on Bloomberg with RMSG
13:50:31 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : *might
13:53:22 BANKER GIRL : no ask to speak to him
13:53:30 BANKER GIRL : he could call her and say “Is [redacted] there?
13:53:34 BANKER GIRL : to be funny
13:53:40 BANKER GIRL : the guys on my desk where miffed
13:54:01 BANKER GIRL : so then i sent him a very serious bbg telling
him to leave me alone
13:54:07 BANKER GIRL : hold on i’ll send it to you
13:56:28 BANKER GIRL : wiat which [redacted] are you
13:56:38 BANKER GIRL : are you [redacted] or [redacted]
13:56:38 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : the one with [redacted]
13:56:41 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : [redacted]
13:57:02 BANKER GIRL : ok i sent it
13:57:11 BANKER GIRL : i really meant business
13:59:10 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : it appears so - good tuoch with the
“if it happens again the matter will be escalated” - ominous
13:59:15 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : *touch
13:59:16 BANKER GIRL : seriously
13:59:33 BANKER GIRL : well its like two guys harassing a girl
at another bank who the one guy doesn’t even know
13:59:40 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : yea..bad form
13:59:49 BANKER GIRL : i would forward you my ex’s response but
he has that no forwarding function
14:00:18 BANKER GIRL : he was basically like it’s not me its this
other guy
14:00:48 BANKER GIRL : go tell him to stop
14:00:51 BANKER GIRL : what a loser, right?
14:01:18 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : not exactly socially aceptable behaviour.
14:01:31 BANKER GIRL : sriously, as i said in the bbg i never
bother him ever
14:03:58 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : if was trying to update my photo
but im now concerned about the consequences……
14:04:13 BANKER GIRL : what do you mean?
14:05:01 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : well if you get stalked for having
your photo, imagine what would happen if i had a good one too….
14:05:34 BANKER GIRL : yeah i was actually thinking about updating
mine to a more recent one that is also good
14:05:41 BANKER GIRL : but maybe i should let that idea go
14:05:59 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : probably not safe….
14:06:10 BANKER GIRL : yeah
14:07:16 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : maybe a downgrade in picture quality
would be a good idea, or one of those black bars they put across faces
of spies in pictures
14:07:36 BANKER GIRL : yikes, i dont think that would go over
too well
14:07:59 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : just an idea.
Anyway on that note [redacted], can i assist you with anything else today at
all?
14:08:08 BANKER GIRL : no i think we are good
14:08:12 BANKER GIRL : was lovely chatting
14:08:17 BANKER GIRL : let’s talk again soon!
14:08:38 BBERG HELP DESK GUY : indeed it was, look forward to it,
Thank you for using Bloomberg Help Desk! Have a good day.
14:08:43 BANKER GIRL : you too
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:08PM
what a narcisstic skank
Posted by not impressed , Oct 28, 2009 3:08PM
Fake.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:10PM
@2 nope.
-person who unfortunately works w this ho
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:10PM
Sicko
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:11PM
Comment removed by moderator.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:14PM
I work with this chick. total narcisstic ho (as you can clearly see) but super hot blonde.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:16PM
I'm feeling a new book written collaboratively by Bloomberg Help Desk. Some of the stories we've had have been pretty good.
Titles?
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:17PM
Without a picture of the girl it didn't happen.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:17PM
Fucking cunt. I banged your best friend while we were dating, FYI.
-the "obsessed" ex-boyfriend
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:17PM
it may go past 12 today...
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:20PM
I hope 9 is real.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:21PM
she is upenn 07... hopefully she'll goto jail one day
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:21PM
9 = amazing. Please let this "escalate."
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:22PM
@12 and wharton to boot, so it's pretty much a certainty.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:24PM
I second 13's request.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:24PM
Check out my profile biotches.
http://tinyurl.com/yhkuodr
You know you want a piece of this.
-SAC
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:25PM
Somebody post a pic.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:25PM
@16 I look at your bberg profile every single day, mister man.
-ping j
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:26PM
9,
Tell us more! Was the best friend more hot ? Did it happen on a rooftop? Stairwell?
C'MON! MORE! Unleash the fury!
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:30PM
@9 that's hilarious and sad all at the same time. if you weren't obsessed then why did you call my desk repeatedly? oh well it was good for a laugh, as was telling all my co-workers about your miniscule dick.
-[redacted]
Posted by I banged her too , Oct 28, 2009 3:30PM
BB... it's the new Match.com
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:31PM
god damn it this was the best thing about bberg.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:33PM
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
The gauntlet!
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:36PM
No the best thing about BBerg is that Bess has access and tipsters to bring us this gem.
This is like a wideclops incident.
We need a photo - google isn't doing much unless you want a weak LinkedIn page, useless twitter account and that she was some bride's maid (but no pic).
Dish the dirt mafuckers.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:36PM
Just saw her photo. Pretty girl, I'll hit that.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:39PM
"'Spending quality time together is what's most important. You can write a meaningful card for someone, plan a fun afternoon walking around Philadelphia, flirt with bberg, make a music CD, or even fuck my best friend. It's the thought that counts.'"
-LA
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:42PM
@9 - I hope you had the decency to give this hole the shocker at least once
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:42PM
Best post in a long time. Bravo.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:42PM
There's still the most-viewed people function on BB. Maybe too late in the day to top Jamie McCourt...
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:43PM
Wetmore? is that for real??
-Ophelia Cox
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:44PM
@28 I think not.
-Jeff C.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:47PM
bitch@20 yeah, about that. ever think it might have to do with the fact that not even a whale's dick could fill that well-worn cavity of yours?
-9
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:49PM
@30 Doesn't even need a porn name, does she?
-Dirk Diggler
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:49PM
@9, 32 are we talking wizard sleeves or what here? Let it out.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:49PM
I'm dumber for having read this.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:50PM
whales are notorious for their little dicks
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:52PM
@35 sorry to waste your time. want some signed nude photos of myself?
-deustche girl
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:53PM
Yachting?
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:53PM
@36 - Are they really small or is more of a scale issue do to the extremely large body
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:54PM
@37 Yes.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:54PM
@36 - Are they really small or is more of a scale issue do to the extremely large body
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:55PM
@35 then you should've heeded bess's tag: "warning you may want to kill yourself at some point during this exchange"
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:56PM
gotta get her to on the MVP list today
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 3:57PM
"ever think it might have to do with the fact that not even a whale's dick could fill that well-worn cavity of yours?"
ex-boyfriend: 1
db chick: 0
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:02PM
@39 - if the ratio of dick to body in humans were the same as it is in whales, our dicks would be the size of a a Combo (the snack food). In absolute terms, this makes a whale dick about the size of a human arm (shoulder to finger tip), thus validating the incisiveness of 9/32's comment.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:02PM
@39. Entirely a scale issue. The Adventurers Club in Chicago has one above their bar. It's about six feet long. You can scroll down for the pic:
http://www.advclub.org/html/Clubhouse.htm
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:02PM
Game: after the heated exchange between ex-boyfriend and AW concludes via bbg messenger, first to forward the ctrl+alt+print scrn to Bess wins this stretch of the battle. And...break!
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:04PM
Can we get a pic already.
Posted by highlyconfident , Oct 28, 2009 4:04PM
[redacted]’s Vagine is:
I) Wizard sleeve in need of suspenders
II) Throwing a hot dog into an aircraft hanger
III) Set of Y2K Firestone tires
Which of the previous Statements are correct?
A) Statement I only
B) Statement III only
C) Statement I and III but not II
D) All Statements are correct
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:04PM
what are the chances that we actually have an exchange btw the ex boyfriend and her going on in here right now? i put the line at 15%
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:06PM
everything in this thread (the back and forth between exes, the serious discussion of whale dick size) is full of win.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:07PM
@46, that whale was hung, not average. Average whale dick = 2.5 ft. Fact.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:09PM
Is she a handbridger?
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:12PM
@51 agreed
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:12PM
Meeting chicks on BBG is the new killing it
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:13PM
any idea about first name? Too many females in DB on bb!
Posted by BSD , Oct 28, 2009 4:14PM
Comment removed by moderator.
Posted by wcburrs87 , Oct 28, 2009 4:14PM
@50 - since when are lines denoted in percentages?
Posted by pfluger , Oct 28, 2009 4:15PM
Like I told all-a-my fans a coupla weeks ago, I use my dick instead of my finger for da little biometric log-in tab.
A few times, I spilled some-a-my essence on da thing, but I'm still able to log in wit no problems.
-cg
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:17PM
For your viewing pleasure:
http://www.episcopalacademy.org/drum/Admin/Letts/Connections/Connections_Winter06.pdf
Page 23
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:17PM
57,
Are you crazy? She's a stone-cold fox. Totally cute.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:20PM
@58 - correction, replace "line" with "over/under". Do you have a view or just here to find grammatical/spelling/gambling lingo blunders?
Posted by wcburrs87 , Oct 28, 2009 4:21PM
She's cute - not much more. Why anyone would upload a picture to BBG is beyond me though.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:21PM
Comment removed by moderator.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:23PM
@63 Check mine out and you'll change your tune.
-SC
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:23PM
She's primed to replace Sue Herrera in a few years
Posted by not impressed , Oct 28, 2009 4:23PM
Deutsche is spending $30k a year to supply THIS dumb bitch with a BBG terminal?
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:24PM
Would I hit it? Of course. Is she hot? Certainly not as hot as she thinks she is. 10 lbs from face? Agreed.
How pumped is she going to be about all her hits on the twitter link gratiously provided by 57?
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:24PM
64,
Are you retarded, or just British?
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:25PM
I wouldn't hit it with a Bloomberg Help Desk Guy's dick
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:26PM
@67 she went to Whoreton
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:26PM
Would i hit it? yes. Is she "hot"? not really. How pumped is she going to be tonight when she checks her twitter page (see link provided by 57) and sees all the new hits!
Posted by wcburrs87 , Oct 28, 2009 4:28PM
@60 - thanks for the full shot. Not hot. I'm still going to add her as a friend on facebook, but only because I found out we actually know the same people.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:30PM
She's got a pretty gobbledegoo. Bet she uses it too.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:36PM
Yup, she has the Pelican Neck going on. I take it back that she's cute.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:36PM
for those too lazy to open the PDF:
http://i38.tinypic.com/11hs2vl.jpg
she looks fat to me in both pics *shrug*
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:39PM
Yup, I'm calling. Pelican Neck.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:40PM
@3 agreed. Thus, @57 @60 full body pic, please.
This article's tag really sums up the reading material, namely: "warning you may want to kill yourself at some point during this exchange"
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:40PM
Did she send the full transcript herself to dealbreaker? To colleagues? What response did she expect from sharing this drivel?
Did the bloomberg help guy share this? That would be a pretty bad breach of contract/privacy, imo.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:41PM
on most viewed list she's between Einhorn and Hall. The only time those 3 people will ever be mentioned in the same sentence.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:43PM
If ever there was an ego-deflating moment, reading this message board was it!
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:50PM
"Her?"
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:51PM
lol that must be fake 82
Posted by wcburrs87 , Oct 28, 2009 4:52PM
Whoa, major BBG conversation just got removed from comments? Or am I seeing things?
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:55PM
@84 - nope, it was removed. I saw that...her moment of enlightenment, "omg this is on internet!" was brilliant...I don't know whether to feel bad for this girl or not.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 4:58PM
yea, a new transcript of her calling bbg back and whining was posted in 82 and then removed. i saved it.
it's probably fake, as the manager name at bloomberg isn't even on bloomberg. also, how the hell would it get leaked? al.wet aint gonna leak it and the bbg manager certainly isn't going to either.
biggest victims here are db and wharton imo
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 5:00PM
@86 I'm the Walrus?
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 5:00PM
Whoa... I just had time to read that huge BBG convo before it got pulled... No wonder it did though, Bloomberg must be doing some damage control too... This looks bad for them if it gets exposed that they pass around funny stories and fairly confidential conversations so freely.
From my time working in IT support, this happens ALL THE TIME. Especially easy when convos are recorded word for word in the ticket system.
Still looks bad for them when it gets exposed though... watch what you say to BBHD!
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 5:00PM
@86 - all good points. You're a regular gumshoe. Is all of this an elaborate plan concocted by the ex bf?
Posted by wcburrs87 , Oct 28, 2009 5:02PM
It's only fair if we see pictures of the boyfriend now.
-Ping
Posted by Anal_yst , Oct 28, 2009 5:03PM
I'd say let this be a lesson to readers on how NOT to provide content to Dealbreaker, but I'm sure we'll get a repeat sadist sooner rather than later.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 5:03PM
@88 - leave and never come back. While your input was interesting in this ONE PARTICULAR INSTANCE, IT support is not welcome here.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 5:12PM
@92 lol... I actually figured I'd get a response like that. I worked in IT way back when I was in high school. I've since been trading in buy and sell sides on the street for years.
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 5:14PM
@86 the chick sent it to her colleagues and deutsche and one of us presumably sent it to dealbreaker.
-inside the house of deutsch
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 5:16PM
@86 upload to scribd and post link to the 2nd transcript?
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 5:24PM
@93 - just trying to keep some order in here.
- 92
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 5:29PM
What's a Bloomberg? I can't find it on my Yahoo Finance sidebar anywhere.
Maybe I'll call into Cramer's show later and ask him. He knows everything!
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 5:35PM
it has been 2hrs since this story broke and the best you guys can do is a grainy headshot? c\'mon! where\'s her facebook profile? resume? high school yr book photos?
we can do better than this...
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 5:36PM
@87: Shut the fuck up Donny!
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 5:39PM
As a proxy for how many people are currently reading this message board, the profile link provided by 57 had 34 views when I first clicked it. Now it has 637. She's going to wet herself when she gets home and checks her page.
Posted by wcburrs87 , Oct 28, 2009 5:40PM
BBG Help - is it possible to send mixtapes via the message system?
"Spending quality time together is what's most important. You can write a meaningful card for someone, plan a fun afternoon walking around Philadelphia, make a music CD, etc. It's the thought that counts"
Posted by guest , Oct 28, 2009 5:54PM
"A fun afternoon walking around Philadelphia." Never thought I'd see that concept in writing...
-Not in Philly
Posted by breaking news , Oct 28, 2009 6:31PM
She just removed her picture from her BBG profile.