Dear Partners,Since late last year, we have been working to wind down the Tontine Partners funds, the Tontine Capital Partners funds and the Tontine 25 funds (collectively, the “legacy funds”). As we discussed in our July quarterly letter, not all of our investors have similar objectives with respect to their legacy fund investments, with some focused on achieving near-term liquidity and others focused on longer-term returns. After exploring various structures that would offer investors enhanced options going forward, we are pleased to announce that we will restructure the legacy funds to better position us to accelerate redemptions for investors whose goal is the return of their legacy fund investments, while offering investors who are interested in remaining invested with Tontine the opportunity to contribute their legacy fund interests in a newly-formed, ongoing Tontine fund with a focus on thematic, long term investing.
Confused? Someone was actually paid to take the time to create this pretty spectacular flow-chart, which should clear things up:
Dear Partners [PDF]
*A note about the letter: it had to be reformatted because they watermarked the shit out of this thing and obviously we don’t want to leave a trail to our very generous sources, which is why it looks a bit rough around the edges (though the original itself sort of looked like they wrote it on a typewriter that ran out of ink and then scanned it in). If you’re one of those people who likes to bitch about these sorts of things, feel free to not read it and save yourself the comment.
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 11:56AM
flowcharts that look like they were made by 3rd graders are the new killing it.
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 11:58AM
It's sort of like when ignorant people misuse words when trying to appear more sophisticated... get out while you still can!
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 11:59AM
So that's how you flowchart sodomy.
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 12:00PM
Is Greg earning a few extra bucks as a writer for Tontine?
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 12:00PM
@3 that's exactly what I was going for.
-flowchart maker
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 12:03PM
Where's the "get fucked in the ass" flow option?
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 12:14PM
@6
Due to the required parsing, that part was chopped off. Previously it could be found as the direct offshoot of not taking a distribution and entering into TCP II.
TCP spokesman
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 12:16PM
Missing the arrow showing new investors' money paid to legacy investors.
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 12:19PM
Tontine was a form of life insurance
Basically a pool or Bell of people formed one....and the last one to survive inherited the proceeds
Seems like same here
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 12:19PM
Get with the times. Those aren't "flow charts". Those are what we now call "swim lanes". We used those with our VaR at Lehman.
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 12:21PM
I only fuck virgin sturgeons. Flow chart that.
Dennis Kneale
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 12:29PM
Those little arrows caused me to have a flash-back just now.
~S. Weinstein
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 12:30PM
@7: Thanks for the clarification. Where do I send my money and do I get lube with my transfer?
-6
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 12:36PM
@10, And to think, that cute PMO girl actually took the time and effort explaining to you clods what the swim lanes ON THE FLOWCHARTS were there for.
Posted by Alphaholic_Anonymous , Oct 27, 2009 12:47PM
That's company property. Expect a lawsuit shortly.
-McKinsey & Co.
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 12:52PM
@14: "Flowcharts" are "connected" by "lines" to show a "path" based upon a "binary decision". That is not a flowchart you see above (unless you have a supersecret one no one else can see because you prurloined CG's "X-Ray Glasses" recently).
I know Yugo's engineering department has information on such things--"flow charts"-- if you'd only check their engineering library which may be online for employees only.
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 1:02PM
@16 (10),
no. stop.
that picture up there is a flow chart, with start and end boxes connected by flow control arrows, and without any swim lanes.
-14
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 1:21PM
Statement: The fund will focus on thematic long-term investments.
Translation: We are going to lock that fucking shit up, bro.
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 1:24PM
@18 true story.
-j. gendell
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 1:43PM
@13 Send all proceeds to Benjamin Dover in New York, NY.
Lube not included, or allowed for that matter.
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 2:37PM
I have to weigh in here and say that we've looked at the image above and have decided it is not a flowchart. It is a "directional communicative image" or DCI. Saying that the diagram above is a "flowchart" would be like saying a "codpiece" is the same as "underwear".
~Felton Squeezdem
National Association for the Proper Use of Flow Charts
Swimlane, OH
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 3:17PM
It's not a continuous function; therefore it is not a flow chart. It is in fact a bar graph, I am 97% sure that it is a bar graph.
-Lehman Quant
Posted by guest , Oct 27, 2009 3:44PM
@22 FTW