All,
We are inviting you to celebrate this fall season with us by holding an International Fall Potluck Lunch on Wednesday, October 21st from 12:00 to 2:00pm.
Our many successes highlighted in the recent Connection newsletter are a source of joint celebration, and we thought it was time we got together again. Please bring & share your favorite home cooking for a chance at the best dish prize.
We will have:
* Best decorated pumpkin contest
* Best cooked dish
* Guess the number of seeds in a jar and more
We’d like each of the 4 groups (Community Relations, Corporate Communications, Global Marketing and Women & Co) to bring a decorated pumpkin to the potluck which will then be evaluated by a panel of experts who will decide who deserves a prize!
Location: Conference Rooms A & B as well as the Open/Common Area.
Please sign up – the sign up sheets for the different dishes will be in the open/common area etc.
Please join us in this celebration as we will take this time to enjoy good food, fun games, great colleagues and a wonderful season to come!
From all of us in the Global Marketing Department
greatest financial services company in the world!
will vikula be on the panel of experts?
this reminds, me I need help coming up with a costume for halloween. obviously i’m going as slutty [something] but what? slutty nurse? slutty CEO? help me.
-vp
1st prize will be Vikula’s parking spot for the month of December
2nd prize will be a $50 gift certificate to Pottery Barn
3rd prize will be a 5% equity stake in Phibro
plenty of experts on hand to judge the best decorated pumpkin, not so much to recognize a toxic asset when they see it.
damn it why do I always miss the good shit?
-bobo rubin
What kind of bull dyke organization is Women & Co?
Are quants eligible to participate in the seed estimating contest?
This is easy: (jar diameter x jar height) / (seed diameter x seed height).
…of course seeds aren’t spherical so you’ll need to adjust the ‘diameter’ for a non-spherical object. You can do this by assuming a larger diameter if the seeds were squished into a sphere…the ratio would be the actual width of the seed x 1.235 to get a ‘spherically adjusted diameter’.
Let’s run some numbers: Assume the jar is 2 feet tall with a diameter of 1 foot. Assuming our models are correct there should be about 932,789,679,552.23 seeds in the jar.
-AIG Quant
@7 this has nothing to do with lesbians. it was the group formed after vikram was accused, multiple times, of hating women (see: cruz, zoe and krawcheck, sallie).
“* Guess the number of seeds in a jar and more”
Isn’t this how they marked their securities? I thought they used jelly bellys.
(Of note: Vikram’s favorite happens to be chili mango.)
@10 shut your filthy whore mouth. i love the ladies.
-vp
what are these recently highlighted “successes” you speak of?
-sheila b
@4 first prize is you’re fired.
AIG Quant,
Also difficult, because the “vase” Vikram has chose presents itself as extremely phallic. The diameter/girth changes in correspondence with how much (pain/lust) one can “take.”
-Village Leather Quant
hell yes!
-dick parsons
@9 Well done. That’s very close to my model’s estimate of 145.72.
~Ex-Lehman Quant
@ 14, 4 is clearly under the influence.
2nd prize is a set of steak knives
3rd prize is you’re fired.
-Phuck Yu Pal, thats my name.
@8, yes but only Citi and ex-Lehman quants
we have something similar at rbs but instead of a pumpkin decorating contest the queen shoves shivs up our asses.
@9 and 17, Indeed, well done, but it really doesn’t matter how many seeds are in the jar.
-Moody’s credit analyst
My tax dollars are going to buy pumpkins and finger paints! Listen here you Wall Street Fancypants! This is unacceptable!
UBS Sucks
@9 That many seeds has a value as collateral of $761M, which we’ve used to back $750M in 11% 7-year notes to Mexican coke gangs to fund advanced shark development. We’ve piled the notes into a CDOs. Would you please sell us a CDS on the mez tranche for 5 bps?
-Citi Quant
Given that the “guess the seeds” contest has attracted so much intellectual capital this morning, I’d suggest that we go ahead and record “seed guessing” winnings for 20 years out and then report it as “income from continuing operations” which will create a larger, immediate bonus pool for us in the near term.
~Former Enron Financial Quant
Let’s get Bartiromo back for coverage of this; remember when she fell for the “it’s my dick in a pie”?
-Todd T
@24 you got it!
Uh, according to my model, there are approximately 12 seeds in the jar. How the hell did you come up with 932 million? LOL!
- JEF Quant
Citi CPA’s say that there will be as many seeds in the jar as Mr. Pandit wants there to be.
@24 – 5bps seems a little low for the amount of risk we’d be taking, but we are running a BOGO special on our 6bps CDS mez tranches, so I’d urge you to buy a few of those if you want coverage.
@28 – Oops, you’re right, I meant million, not billion…I’m always misplacing commas.
Also, it should be noted 932M ‘AIG sized seeds’ are equivalent to 12 ‘Jeffries sized seeds’…we just like to use big numbers. Think about it…would you rather say you made 12 dollars or 932 million dollars? Exactly.
-AIG Quant
@23, surely citi sucks worse? and worst of all banks ever in fact?
If you citi guys will put some seeds in a towel for me I’ll take a look at them.
~Jeff E.
@30 6 bps is acceptable under the condition @21 Moody’s Credit Analyst will rate them Aa2 or higher.
@21 the deal was structured by Vietnamese potbelly pigs, who are far more intelligent and sentitive than cows (and adorable to boot), so you’ll still be a step up from S&P.
@31
Nope UBS sucks worse. It’s actually a law of nature, kinda like gravity, the 2nd law of thermodynamics, and osmosis.
-Wizened Ol’ LTCM Quant
I am the best decorated pumpkin!
-VP
Best DB thread in a while. I lol’ed.
If the seed counting goes as planned, will there be liquor games as a “second derivative” or duct taping a Citi quant to a wall?
~Wharton B-School Professor
NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CITY YOU FAT PATHetic runner up
I’ve traveled five hundred miles to give you my (pumpkin) seed.
-B. Huff
so much awesome
Great GOoogilly MoogiLLY, I jump for joy when I’m happy. Oh so happy I want to bend it like Beckham.
Vickle Tickle
VP’s always putting me in a jar. Usually I get sold for about $3 to some self-loathing slore, but once a year the many members of Women & Co. come to admire and count me.
I need a job. How does one become a pumpkin expert?
L. Dykstra
@31 I have no problem with this, as long as you promise my name will never appear on the internet.
- Moody’s credit analyst
This is what happens when you still have a marketing department despite no one wanting to do any business with you. Also, how long into the pumpkin-judging contest will it be before Poppa Paulson shows up to smash them with his shiny forehead of rage.
Part-time NYU Pumpkin Quant & Math masters student here. What are first-year Citi numbers?
I think, the “Women & Co.” group should be housed in the “Bad Bank” and could potentially be merged with the “Toxic Assets” group.
PS: My guess for the number of seeds in the jar: 45 billion.
I want to pack Vikula’s poop with my big fat cock.
FASB saying we have to mark the seeds to market. We must count them!
-Duff & Phelps safety school grad
Ps- Women & Co. You must carve a replica of a vagina out of your pumpkin and stuff it wish fish.. which i will promptly smash…
VP
@50 sick
‘women and co’ is the name of our employees only fund. you’ll be hearing from my attorney.
-sac
Nice job there Bess for helping to blow an employee-funded event out of proportion. You definitely have your hand on the pulse of things meaningful at Citi.
citi employee@53- she blew it out of proportion by pasting an email w/o adding any commentary? okay. also: if you were smart, you’d know this is reflective of what’s going on at citi. in sum, kill yourself.
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